Am I the only one who hates when people say “just don’t label ur sexuality” when trying to help with soocd… like I know what my sexuality is the problem is that my ocd is trying to convince me otherwise lol. It probably works for other people but it just makes me that much more anxious

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments

Warning: This might be triggering for people with POCD But very often when someone (me included) seeks reassurance with POCD people say "well a pedophile wouldn't worry about being a pedophile so you are not one" or "the fact that you are stressing about it means you care and you are not a pedophile" It's just pissing me off when people say it (I know they are trying to help) cause it seems like they have no idea what are they talking about. Even some therapist here said something like that to me once and it makes it hard to trust them after that, cause this is not true... Pedophlia is a paraphilia, and paraphilias can be ego dystonic. So a pedophile CAN be distressed because of his attraction and can worry about it too. Doesn't mean he is suddenly not one. I've seen multiple reddit confessions from actual pedophiles (non-offending ones) and most of them seem to hate the fact they have this attraction. Even saw I guy who thought he had POCD but then after years of therapy understood that he actually has this paraphilia. So those words just never help me