- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Is it that you feel uncomfortable with it or ocd just convinced you of that ? This was a little triggering for me because I am battling the same theme but I want to help you . I know how scary it is . But you’re not alone . I love being a woman but my ocd is starting to convince that I don’t either but I can’t see me living my life any other way . I’ve built my entire life off being a woman and I always took pride in it . If you need to talk I’m here . I understand and again you’re not alone 💜
Yes same, it's awful. I've always been such a proud female and now I've got this intense hatred and discomfort wjth all forms of feminity, and I've also lost all of my attraction to women. Good to know I'm not alone though, although I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
I wish there was a way we could direct message on this app, I really want to befriend people who understand me but I don't like the idea of sharing social media and phone numbers on here 😕
@Kaylaaaa Yeah I understand. It is very debilitating. But one thing I can say is that with this disorder you kind of just have to let it say what it wants . The more you try to get rid of it the more stronger it will get . It’s kind of like a bully on the playground. I know it’s easier said than done especially because it feels so damn real . But I guess that’s what makes it ocd because if it didn’t feel real it wouldn’t be so distressing
@anonymousN True! It just gets to me because I always hear that tOCD isn't about discomfort with your gender it's just the uncertainty and... I've got a lot of discomfort now. I'm sure you understand. Thanks for responding 💜💜💜
@Kaylaaaa Absolutely, and I don’t think you’re really experiencing discomfort I think it’s just the doubt that’s making you feel that way . Are you in therapy?
@anonymousN Starting Monday! I've literally hit a point where I freak out if I see a woman in underwear or something because I feel like I'd hate to have curves like them, even though it's all I wanted before
@Kaylaaaa For me it’s the opposite it freaks me out when I see male body parts or beards because I can’t see how men are comfortable like that and I get scared of me not having boobs anymore . I can’t wrap my head what would make someone want to do that
@anonymousN Sounds like you have OCD and I'm trans, I'm convinced at this point
@Kaylaaaa I honestly don’t think you are . And I am pretty convinced too but ocd is convincing. I know you can’t see it but I can . Not trying to give you reassurance but just keep in mind that that’s what ocd does . Makes you doubt everything you know about yourself and it slowly tries to erase your sense of identity
I just gave into what an OCD person would say is a compulsion and looked up signs of being trans. All it did was make me feel like I definitely am trans. I'm sobbing. I'm so upset and scared. I can't do this. I'm so scared I genuinely want to be a boy, that those feelings are real and the feelings of dislike of my femininity now are real. I had some childhood signs and even though I didn't have any physical adult signs until this year, I had mental ones like always being drawn to males. Oh my God. I'm crying so much. I'm so afraid, everyone in my family will reject me, I'll be a social outcast, I'll have to change my body and become someone new. But I don't think I'm that girl anymore. I saw too much of my current feelings in those articles. Why me? This is so unfair. Why does this have to be me? This doesn't feel like TOCD, it feels like I'm just afraid of the very real consequences being trans will have for me. And I'm also afraid of this pain never going away.
I can’t confirm or deny this but all I can say is try to stay true to who you are . It’s hard to see clearly rn and I know it’s scary . It’s scary for me too I feel the exact same way you do . You don’t have to do what ocd tells you you can fight this it just takes time 💙 I wish you the best I will be preying for you . I know it’s hard but I’m here and so is the rest of the community
@anonymousN Thank you, I needed to hear that. I've calmed down now, but I can't shake the feeling that if I were cis I wouldn't get dysphoric like that, I wouldn't have moments where I think of myself as male. I want to want to be a girl again. It hurts so much
My boyfriend is ftm, and I’m very supportive of him and his journey with gender. It opened a lot of conversations between us about each others gender/sexuality. I’ve known for a long time that i’m pan, but I’ve struggled a lot with my own gender. My OCD causes me to doubt myself a lot, one day i feel hyper feminine and have no desire to identify as a man, but the next day I am extremely dysphoric about my body/hair/voice and wonder if I’m ftm as well? and then it goes away the next day. Some days I don’t even feel feminine OR masculine. I spend a lot of my time ruminating over if i’m trans, and abt the possibility of me spending the rest of my life either not knowing, or settling for whatever’s easiest for myself and everyone around me. I don’t know if I actually believe I’m a man, or if I’m pretending, or if it’s just in my head. Its like I don’t know what to trust since my opinion is different every day, and it feels like I can’t trust my own intuition. It’s starting to affect my sex drive, my sleep, my self confidence, and my self image. It’s really confusing me and I’m wondering if anyone can relate or has some advice. Thank you:)
I feel different from others, I don’t feel as feminine and I feel like I’ve changed. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I also don’t think my ocd is ocd, it’s just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if I’m not, I get it, but I don’t feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and it’s eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s just that I don’t see anything for myself and I feel like I’m hiding. It’s hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I won’t be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.
Today I woke up and immediately was flooded with intrusive thoughts. I was thinking about how I want to remembered when my time on earth is finished. I want to be remembered by my kindness and my heart. I want to be remembered by the lives i’ve changed. But then it hit me. What if you want to be a girl? What if you’re just telling yourself you don’t want to be a girl? I shouldn’t be scared, my family would love me no matter what I was. But this.. This is taking its toll on me. People call me maam all the time. I have feminine features and qualities.. It makes me question everything I know about my life. But I think what makes it worse is that i’m scared but don’t feel scared? Like I don’t feel intense fear like I once did. I know that I don’t want to be a girl. I don’t want boobs or long hair and nails. I have feminine qualities but I just exist. And this morning it’s hitting me very hard. I hate TOCD. I hate that I can’t just have one moment of peace. That it finds ways to seep into my life by finding areas i’m weakest in. I read other people’s stories and kinda do checking with it. And to make it all worse my for you page is FILLED with trans tiktok’s and peoples experiences. It’s making me mad. Why can’t I just be happy? Like everyone else in my house? Why did I inherit this stupid fucking disorder? And why do I question everything single thing about myself. First it was fear I was going to hurt someone and be a monster. And now it’s fucking thoughts of me wanting to be a girl?? Anyways have a nice day guys.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond