Why is it that when I'm watching tiktoks around my family, I get embarrassed when the "she's at that special age when a girl has only one thing in her mind. Boys? Homicide" sound gets on my FYP to the point I skip those tiktoks before the word "boys" come but I don't feel that when the "But you don't look gay" sound comes?

context: I'm a straight girl with hocd

See I have the opposite issue, I can’t allow the “but you don’t look gay” sound to play out loud, I have to lower the volume. I feel like this is more proof that I’m a lesbian.

Well your hocd is making you afraid of the word gay but why am I afraid of "having boys in my mind" even though I should have boys in my mind... ugh😩