Idk why but I’m feeling terrible rn for remembering a thought in my head when I was watching stranger things and I’m not sure if this was around my ocd was slowly starting to come up but the thought felt intentional but I didn’t mean the thought like that and when I had the thought but I was kinda confused but then it felt like I had to like go with the thought ? Or making it seem like it wasn’t weird or anything like a compliment bc I wasn’t even aroused or attracted or nothing and I feel like if I told a therapist abt I feel like they’ll call me a pedo :( I feel so weird tho bc I can’t figure out if I was weird abt it

POCD

lucy.wilefirr

Date posted: 4y

I’ve had similar experiences

katr :,)

Date posted: 4y

Really ? :(

katr :,)

Date posted: 4y

What if that wasn’t an ocd thought? Bc I remember how the thought went, I feel like such a pedo :( but then it doesn’t make sense how the intrusive thoughts really hit me later on and I had no idea what was going on

katr :,)

Date posted: 4y

I’m so terrified like I feel bad for having that thought but at the same time idek if that was ocd or not or true? When I didn’t mean the thought in an inappropriate way

katr :,)

Date posted: 4y

Now I feel like my abuser bc when he said stuff about my body he said it wasn’t in that way but idk if it’s the same for me bc in his case I knew he was lying and that he did but for me it was more like a compliment type thing? And I didn’t mean for it to be like that and I didn’t feel any type of arousal or pleasure or anything

katr :,)

Date posted: 4y

Now I feel like I can’t live with myself for having thatt thought :( when it was a few months ago before my ocd came in.. and remembering that makes me feel like I am a pedo and in denial :( I feel so bad I feel like them like him

[Deleted]

Date posted: 4y

Comment deleted by user

katr :,)

Date posted: 4y

But I feel like a pedo for it :(

katr :,)

Date posted: 4y

And I feel guilty for it

katr :,)

Date posted: 4y

@BlueMountain But it’s making me feel bad for having that one thought and it’s killing me 😭 like it feels like it’s proof that I am a p

katr :,)

Date posted: 4y

@BlueMountain I’ll try 🥲

katr :,)

Date posted: 4y

@BlueMountain I’m crying bro 🥲 like I’m really trying but I keep thinking new stuff and more shit keeps popping up liek all the possibilities and it feels true and it feels like I like it :( like I’m becoming more and more like a pedo and it’s inevitable at this point I don’t know how to continue what if it’s not ocd at all or what if I do but there are ppl who did and acted on those thoughts .. I’m sorry for bothering and being difficult but it’s just how I feel..

katr :,)

Date posted: 4y

@BlueMountain But I’m worried tho bc now that I remember 😭 I’m pretty sure it was intentional 😭 and I’m feeling like this is all proof that even before my ocd really kicked in it must mean I’m a pedo 😭and that this whole thing must be fake or that I’m fake :( like what this is the real me which is a bad person ? What if my trauma revealed who I truly am 🙁

katr :,)

Date posted: 4y

It is possible if I reach you 😭😭

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