Hello there! My name is Jen and I was diagnosed with OCD about 5 years ago, but I do believe that I've had it for much longer than that. I go through phases where sometimes it hits so much harder than other times. When I have P.M.S,. Is when I'll have a bad phase of it. But, it has certainly gotten better with taking Zoloft, since the 5 years, I was diagnosed. So I'm writing today, because I was in a situation about a year ago (last October), that really did made my O.C.D just completely trigger and a little bit to this day, even. Even though it's a situation that I have moved on from. (It's hard explaining to someone without O.C.D that you can be over something painful from the past, but still at times feel I guess, triggered, in a way) What happened to me last year, was I was in a casual, yet very toxic situationship, with a man that I happened to have feelings even though it really wasn't good. But long story short, he "confessed" his love for me, and said he wanted to be in a relationship with me. A few days later, I'm blocked and he's with another woman. How my O.C.D had been triggered by that, at that time, was, I had to delete all social media and even download apps that made it impossible for me to redownload it, because the urge to look at her or his social media was so prominent, yet something that hurt so badly. How it's been now, is that I have social media again. And ive moved on talking to other people and going out and having fun. But, he's deleted his account and she hasn't posted in a long time, so there really isn't much to see. I still find myself unblocking, just to glance at her feed, than re-blocking. The thing that's hard to explain is that even though I'm over this person and not thinking about it as much anymore. I still deal with this urge to look, even though I don't want to, and I want to move on completely, completely. Where I can block her and just leave it. But, it's also going beyond just her or him. It's more of an O.C.D tick that, I either am checking so that I know that nothing is being posted, that would make me uncomfortable, and I feel some kind of satisfaction from that. Or it's simply just a tick. And the question now is, what if she does post something like a pregnancy or engagement, and what would that do to my O.C.D. Thank you so much for anyone who reads this, and I'm just wondering if anyone has gone through something similar with social media and O.C.D or feeling like your O.C.D is keeping you from moving on from the past, completely. and how you balanced enjoying social media, after a similar situation. And just advice in general or what has worked for you.

I feel like I’ve had a lot of different categories of ocd. Some categories stick with me more and are repetitive. I’ve been doing well with mental health - not having anxiety stick around. When the physical feeling of anxiety sticks around, every thought is horrible, but when the feeling of anxiety is gone the obsessions don’t really impact me. If I can keep anxiety at bay, my life is good. I’ve been doing well lately, although this week I was scrolling through tictok and watched a video about someone in a coma and wondered if I was in a coma right now and didn’t know it. I had a panic attack for about 15 minutes. Anxiety, sweating, etc. It didn’t take ahold of me and it quickly lost its impact on me. It still shook me and I was just like “wow” where did that come from. Now I am staying away from social media. Is that avoidance? Should I make myself keep watching social media? Many ocd problems have come from social media or watching a movie or show that triggers something and then spirals. I am limiting what I watch, which I believe is good because I shouldn’t be watching that stuff anyway. What do you think?

Hello all, I don’t have insurance at the moment (lost eligibility due to me making more money, but not enough to afford medication and visits) and have been struggling a LOT. When I was going to therapy, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder. I never got to expand on other mental health concerns I had and it bothers me that I can’t receive the proper advice that I need. If this is not allowed, I completely understand (and you may delete) but I figured I’d give this app a shot to get some clarification and knowledge on the topic. I experience MANY intrusive thoughts that destabilize my relationships and daily mood. I always pitched it to be my B2D symptoms, but the more I read into OCD or rather, Relationship OCD, I feel connected to others’ experiences. My boyfriend has been cheated on in the past—to such a bad degree, that it can be hard for him to trust me. I have never been cheated on nor have I ever thought cheating was okay, but I experience nearly daily intrusive thoughts that I am a horrible partner. Even worse yet, the intrusive thoughts often include overanalyzing my body language and making myself believe that I am somehow presenting myself in a way that would make men “like” me and therefore convincing my boyfriend that I am or will cheat on him if given the chance. It gets so bad that when my boyfriend questions an interaction I have with a dude, I freeze and become so panicked that I feel as though I am “giving away” that I did something wrong—even though I didn’t do anything at all. I am fiercely loyal to people in my life and could never imagine hurting anyone, so the very thought that I could “potentially” do this gnaws away at my social comfortability and self-confidence. I always feel as though I’m a horrible person and I am constantly trying to “make up” for something I didn’t even do. I’ll cry myself to sleep ruminating on every detail of the moment I had these thoughts or when I spoke to my boyfriend about it. It just haunts my thoughts honestly and makes socializing impossible nearly all the time. Eye contact has been a huge problem for me lately even—as if eye contact seals the deal on me being an “unfaithful” partner. Or laughing! Because if I show any sort of interest in the conversation—no matter how respectful and short it is—I believe it’ll spiral into my boyfriend leaving me (which is completely ridiculous and not true!) It’s almost like imposter syndrome in a way—because I feel as though no amount of reassurance or truth that I am a kind, loyal girlfriend, I will eventually ruin it anyway so I don’t deserve respect or affirmations. And it’s not even just with my boyfriend. Friends I have lost in the past clutter my mind as well. I have constant guilt and regret over potentially being a horrible friend despite how hard I fought/fight to keep that person in my life. Honestly, it gets to a point now where I’m convinced I will mess up any form of relationship I have eventually so I suppress my feelings or thoughts that could potentially upset people or make them question if I am really valuable in their life (often I can feel detached from people while being physically present with them because I get so lost in my head about what-ifs or where to look or if I’m causing someone to feel uncomfortable or that what they are or I’m saying isn’t satisfying the “ideal” friendship) . I let people walk all over me, deal with uncomfortable settings to avoid conflict and struggle to assert myself or have any sense of who I truly am with other people. It has put such a strain on me and my relationships, especially my best friend and my boyfriend and I’s relationships—which hold highest priority in my life at the moment. It can be hard to “let go” of people because it’s just another person who I have failed—including my own family members whom have definitely given reason for me to be not close with them. I also struggle with perfectionism and order during “stressful” situations, to the point where I will put myself into an anxiety episode over the simplest changes, unexpected accidents or things not going to plan. Again, this could very well be a symptom of Bipolar, but it truly causes me to blow situations WAY out of proportion and convince myself that I will never resolve it or make things better unless I can set it exactly how it was supposed to be in my head. The executive dysfunction is real on that one…To some, it could be procrastination. Or even just my cycles rapidly changing. But it affects my outlook on most things—financial matters, relationships, responsibilities, hygiene, cleaning. I can go from having complete confidence in doing something, to being doubtful that I could even get myself to get out of bed because I know I won’t do what I need/want to do. Sometimes I’ll even elaborately plan a course of action the day before and then when the time comes to do it, I lose control of my will to do it due to my intrusive thoughts. I do NOT expect anyone to “diagnose” me and I’m not sway the audience into agreeing with me in any way. I truly only want to hear your experiences, and if you also struggle to differentiate if you’ve been properly diagnosed or have overlapping symptoms that you can relate in some way. I want to better understand OCD and possibly connect with people who have had the same experiences. I appreciate any feedback—as long as it’s beneficial to this discussion and helping anyone else who struggle with the same thoughts—or even struggling to identify yourself or afford treatment! I just am curious, and honestly needed to have a platform to express some deep stuff I haven’t really discussed with anyone else besides my boyfriend. Thank yall for reading/listening regardless!

My partner broke up with my about 10 months ago. It came out of nowhere, and I got no explanation before they ghosted me and blocked me on all forms of contact. I have been horribly struggling since then with this obsessive need for closure. For a while I continued to try to reach out to them, on my own accord or through other people, but it just kept ending with more blocking. For months, I was going through the relationship and the breakup in my head over and over, picking it apart to try and figure out what went wrong, but without a conversation with my ex, I couldn't get anywhere. I am definitely doing much better now. the compulsions to reach out to her and the spiral obsession with figuring out what went wrong have both lessened. but they are still present, especially when I sleep. I really just want to be rid of the whole situation, but i want to do it in a healthy way without locking up my feelings. i really am at such a loss though. i still want answers and i still miss my ex in a lot of ways, but at the same time, the though of running into them scares the shit out of me. ive heard some horrible things about them since then, and how they have been spreading rumors about me behind my back. the situation cant seem to get any worse and it just keep happening. and it makes my ocd triggers so much worse too. idk, i will take literally any responses and any helpful advice.