Random: One of my deepest fears is losing myself ( personality and sense of sanity ) i realize that’s what triggers my harm ocd. That any moment I’m a little depressed or out of it I’m afraid my sense of self is slipping away... can anyone relate to this??

I woke up today terrified cause I didn’t feel connected to my body. I looked in the mirror and thought I was watching someone else and that was scary. Feeling depersonalized fueled my intrusive thoughts. Like “what if I’m going crazy”, “what if I have shifted personalities” or “what if I’m bipolar.” The fear of turning crazy also fueled the intrusive thoughts of me acting mentally crazed or like a child. These intrusive thoughts also tainted me into believing that everything I did was something a mentally crazed person would do. Now I have become more hyper aware of how I feel when I do simple things. This also fueled my OCD subtypes like harm/ suicidal because I think that if I’m not connected to my body then I have no control or might do irrational things. This feeling of not being connected to yourself is really scary and I hate the feeling. How do I get connected with myself again.

Woke up this morning immediately looking for the thoughts that I’ve been having even though i don’t want to think about them. I feel like i ended up bringing them upon myself and then i had a super gruesome thought and have been worrying about it all morning. Is it possible to bring thoughts upon yourself? Is it ocd or is it just me? I’m just so scared of going “crazy” that i keep looking for thoughts deciding if it’s me or not if you know what i mean. It’s such a scary feeling When you feel like you don’t know who you are 😭 i literally am just petrified of completely losing sense of who i am and doing something bad and being locked away forever. Is it possible to just turn bad? Does anybody know what i mean by that? Like you secretly have a double ego and completely turn into somebody different? Does anyone else experience this? Is it ocd? I’m so scared i feel like i can never catch a break.

One of my main fears is thinking that I’m losing my mind or losing touch with reality. It sometimes make me feel so fearful , especially in the morning when I’m first waking up. But yesterday I kind of freaked myself out because I developed a new fear that I would look at someone’s face and not recognize them. So like always I went online and researched and found out some people suffer from not recognizing people’s faces , even if it’s someone they know. Now I’ve been sitting here for hours with my mind telling me what if this is happening to me? In my mind I know I’m not but my mind keeps telling me maybe you are. What if you’re out in public and you just freak out. It’s so irrational but it feels so scary. Has anyone ever had this feeling or fear. It almost makes me scared to look people in their faces. 😥