I’m having serious real event OCD over a situation I put myself in last weekend where I played with fire. I am happily engaged to the love of my life, but I flirted, said really inappropriate things to this guy I was speaking to, he tried to kiss me and I backed away. I liked the attention and I feel awful, I have ‘confessed’ to my partner and he’s so supportive, but I feel like I need to confess more details that I didn’t explain the first time. I don’t know what to do. Please can someone reply, I have 15 years experience with OCD but this episode is really hard because it’s a ‘real’ event.

❤️

Thank you so much for replying, I know reassurance is temporary but when you feel like this it helps.

@Anonymous1993 I used to have this problem a lot, I’d tell my boyfriend about all the people I’d been with and what we did because I felt guilty as if he should know and it would be out of nowhere, he’d always tell me I didn’t have to do that and it was true, I just remind myself there’s no reason to spill out what I’m urging to say

@rosemary<3 I’m glad you understand, I really do appreciate you. I feel like this is a bit different though, where it’s about something that I personally feel is borderline cheating. I feel awful about it. I didn’t kiss him, but I lead him on because it was good for my self esteem. I said things (not about my partner, although I was talking about him and the wedding all night!) that I should have said and I keep getting the urge to disclose what I said to my partner. It’s terrifying, I am sure most people would brush this off as being drunk and just words but I feel horrendous.

How can I see the diference between them? I know I need to talk about it with my therapist, but I feel like I gonna use it as a compulsion, like instead of explaining my real event, that I will try to confess everything and even with details hoping for pity, mercy, reassurance or even condenmation :(

@Heello Don’t confess. It is a vicious cycle. Once I start I can’t stop. You need to accept whatever your fear is. My fear is usually “if he knew every single word I said or the tone of my voice he would leave me.” It doesn’t matter what he would think. You are allowed to be yourself and say what you want to say in the moment. You don’t have to constantly censor everything you’re about to say just to please someone.

@Anonymous You took the words out of my mouth with the “tone” and “exact words”…I think we’ve had a VERY similar experience x

@Anonymous1993 I know- this is one of the first times I realllllyyy saw a post that was very similar to what I go through. So I’m glad we were able to connect. But honestly friend we all can be flirty at times and it sounds like you had no intention of cheating and so saying something to get a little attention isn’t so horrible in my opinion. Sometimes we just say things and see it from a different perspective later on.

@Anonymous Thank you, this app is priceless!!

@Anonymous1993 Best wishes to you friend! Hang in there! Remember you are a human being and to give yourself some compassion.

You are welcome. I’ve had those thoughts too. Of course part of you probably wanted to kiss him- he was probably cute! So what? We are allowed to want to kiss other people. It doesn’t mean we aren’t loyal. And I’ve had the false memory thing before too. The more you question it, the less you are going to be able to remember. My guess is that neither of those things happpebed- but of course there is always the what if. Okay- maybe there is some 1% chance you kissed him and don’t remember. Oh well. You were drunk. Sometimes we do stupid stuff when we are drunk. It doesn’t mean you are a horrible piece of shit and don’t deserve your fiancé. There is no way to 100% know for sure so you will never know.

@Anonymous This is so helpful to hear, I’m so grateful someone really understands how I’m feeling. It makes sense, I’m sending you the biggest virtual hug right now!

@Anonymous1993 I’m here for you!!!! 😊

@Maybe,MaybeNot Hey are you able to talk about this, I really had like almost the same situation and I’m struggling so hard