My Brain literally does the opposite of what I want it to do. “The person you notice first is the one you’re attracted to” now all I notice is men. “You find yourself staring at the ones you’re attracted to” suddenly it feels like a chore to look at girls I don’t want to check men out, guess what I’m doing. I hate this, I just want my brain to do what I want it to. Idk if this is trigger warning, just putting it to be safe.

When first triggered it was every male possible. I couldn’t even go shopping… it was all ages of male, all sizes, and the groinal response was non stop. Like always a feeling there. Then it calmed down but male voices… I couldn’t listen to the music I use to enjoy or movies I’ve always been interested in. Then it kinda dyed down to people who are good looking but I’ve never in my life been attracted to males and beards. I couldn’t even always say they are good looking but never had this fear, the head ache constantly pounding feelings before. Now it’s still good looking males but I’m noticing body shape now? What is this!? Soon as I see a male figure my body feeling like it goes into shock, preparing for the anxiety feeling of ‘false’ attraction. It makes me sweat, and nauseous. Is this OCD or after 32 years of loving woman now gone? I don’t really have attraction towards woman (brief moments but not how I use to be) and this makes me so depressed. I don’t want to live like this. The only thing stoping me is my children and wife.

It’s like my brain is doing everything in its power to convince myself and also justify an attraction to teenagers. I hate myself. I don’t want to be this person, but what if I don’t have a choice. How do I get these thoughts out of my head permanently. I feel like my life will never be the same if they don’t leave forever. I can’t tell what is a real desire and what OCD is trying to convince me is a real desire. I can’t do this every day for the rest of my life. I don’t want to hurt anyone, or I don’t think I do but how do I even tell anymore. This might not even be OCD at this point, I can’t separate my thoughts from OCD thoughts I think because I’ve had OCD for so long so it all just feels like me. Maybe it is me. TMI but I haven’t pleasured myself in like a week because my libido is so low now, I don’t want to do it with these thoughts.

seriously someone pls give me advice 😭 I think last week I posted about how I have a crush on my friend and how my brain was making me question everything (mostly my sexuality). Well now I know he has a crush on me too and I’m already worrying about not liking him anymore, even though I was thinking about him all day before he confessed to me. I went to look at pictures to make sure I still think he’s attractive and I didn’t feel the same. Now I’m worrying about if I’ll no longer feel attracted to him when we hangout in person. Why can’t I at least have a simple crush? Why must I question everything??? WHY CANT MY BRAIN JUST FUNCTION NORMALLY THIS IS DRIVING ME INSANE!!?? If you have any tips on how to deal with this please let me know 😭.