Made a post about an hour ago with the gory details of what I’m so anxious about tonight, but just thought I would make another with a more general question. I’m really looking for some support and help so if anyone can chat, I would greatly appreciate it! How can we be okay with BIG what-ifs in our relationship or it’s past? Like a real event that occurred, where you chose to trust someone or chose to forgive or whatever, but every time you think about it (even years later), you get overwhelmed with anxiety all over again? You can’t go back in time to get the answer, or get more evidence. You’ve asked your partner and talked it over a dozen times with them since then. But the WHAT IF doesn’t go away. What if they really betrayed me? What if they really lied? What if what if what if? And you can never really know the truth. Sorry for double posting about the same thing. I’m just feeling stuck and don’t know what to do with these fears/feelings. I want to call him and ask again but I’ve done this so many times in 3 years. I’ve already asked the same questions over and over. So I’m posting here instead 😅

My husband told me recently he was going to hang out with a local friend he often goes to see. It got very late and I heard nothing from him. Tried calling and texting. Stayed up all night thinking maybe he was dead or injured. Logged into our cell phone account to see if I could find any recent location and discovered he had talked to someone on the phone that night but he was like 2 hours away from home at that time. And also saw a phone number he was spending hours on the phone with every day. I had been confronting him about his secrecy prior to that and he kept telling me it was this friend or that friend, or he was just taking the dog on a long walk or having a fire out back. He finally called me back in the morning and I yelled at him. He told me he was randomly with two friends from longer ago and had gotten drunk and passed out, and hadn't told me about these plans because I had a heart surgery a few weeks prior and health concerns and he didn't want to stress me out. He told me the phone number was a girl that he related to on trauma factors and that he views like a little sister. He said he didn't tell me because he was caught up in his trauma spilling of events he didn't share with a single person since they occurred to him 35 years ago, due to feelings of shame and anger, and that he thought I would view it as emotional cheating. I told him it really could be viewed as emotional cheating and in principle, honesty shouldn't be dependent upon the outcome... lying isn't justified because I would be upset by the truth. Since then, he's been more open with me and tells me when that girl is calling, talks to me about their conversations, answers her calls when I'm present. I talked to him about boundaries and things I'm uncomfortable with or bothered by and he changes those things. Especially because I have trauma from an emotionally abusive ex, having him lie to me when I directly questioned him about what I was perceiving or experiencing and telling me those experiences weren't real, when they actually WERE real, has really messed me up. Now when he wants to hang out with a friend, I don't trust it. But I'm handling these feelings in destructive OCD ways. I spend literally the entire time he's gone thinking and thinking and thinking about what if he's lying or what he might be doing instead of what he said. I call and text him intermittently and feel like all of my obsessive thoughts are confirmed if he doesn't answer right away. I'm always checking the phone history. The driving toll history. Scrutinizing everything. I cannot get out of this mindset. It's like this horrible mixture of emotional flashbacks and OCD. I don't want to live like this. I want to work on my relationship in productive ways. I want to be able to use my own time while my husband is gone. Even if he lied to me and is somewhere other than he said, I don't want to lie in bed just thinking and thinking and thinking for entire days and nights. I'm not sure what I'm really asking here. This is just the only place where I feel like I can share this without people thinking "wow she's crazy".

Hello, this is my second post, not too long ago i made my first, talking about a sudden come-back of my intrusive thoughts. This post will talk about another of my issues, mainly regarding ocd (obviously) and relationships. As i had said before, i had been feeling terrible and felt like i didnt deserve love, especially the love of the guy that i love. I would like to add that in prior moments we have promised eachother and he has reassured me he will never leave me, but today he was pretty much gone all day (long distance) and for the most part ive just been overthinking, all night, actually.. thinking that at any moment he will just randomly block me on everything and never talk to me again. Its now 4:03 AM, and i just feel so scared. Im scared of losing him, this is predominantly because in a past relationship things ended suddenly, my ex switched up after we had promises and everything and i am absolutely horrified of things ending the same way for me and him. I’ve been anxious, trying to take my mind off of it, but if i do, my mind tells me that if i look away, when i look back, i’ll miss it and he’ll have already blocked me. and tries to tie in earlier conversations i had throughout the day and somehow ties them back to now. (Like my bestfriend telling me she had some dream where i apologized to my friends for ‘leaving’) For the past few hours ive just been out of it. Im scared of being obsessive, Im scared of losing him, and whenever i check to see, my heart skips a beat because i thinks he’s gone. The thing is, I know this isnt the case, and I know there must be an explanation, but for some reason im still worried. and I know these thoughts arent a reflection of reality, but ive also had the idea that my thoughts can also affect what actually happens. I would also like to add that he lives in the US and is mexican, and with the increasing violent situation, my mind even starts to wander off and ask itself what if something happened to him? It makes it worse. because i can’t control it. and that makes me afraid. Im also worried about being a horrible partner, about everything failing and its all just making me feel worse. Yesterday morning I woke up feeling sort of out of it, and throughout the day i felt as if i were emotionless, which made me wonder what if i had lost emotions for him? this also happens to me sometimes. I, for some reason begin thinking like “you lost your love for him nothings gonna happen ever.” and my mind starts making up reasons why, or simply gives me this feeling of emptiness for that love, as if i have been detached from it. and then i overthink again “what if i actually dont love him but im just obsessed and thats all it is an obsession and none of it is real?” that last part, im feeling it right now. along with everything else. Im exhausted, Im tired, and i just want to be happy with him. Thank you to all those who choose to read this. thank you. ❤️ Edit: I would also like to add that ive been also dealing with the occasional regular intrusive thoughts. which dont form fully in my brain but i can still sort of, “feel” the intrusive thoughts uncomfortable themes.

Hey, was hoping someone could resonate with what I’m thinking / feeling. Apologies as it will probably be a long one! Has anyone else had a constant rumination over “consent” me and my partner had a situation two years ago, we were went on a night out, were both pretty drunk (me more than him, but both had quite a bit to drink) had a big argument- we got home and went to bed, in the night, I was half awake, heard him saying my name, I didn’t respond so he rolled over, later on mabye like 10 mins, he said my name again- from his memory, I responded and we were “intimate” how we usually would be, and he said I seemed how I usually would, responded like I typically would and was involved and participating, I woke up the next day, could remember little bits of things, but very very minimal stuff- we talked about it and he was really gutted and listened to the fact I was worried that I couldn’t remember everything, he was so upset- (I don’t think it’s totally unusual for me not to remember intercourse, especially after a few drinks) he totally understood and tbh has dealt with my boundaries perfectly since. At the time I went through a really really bad stage of extreme anxiety and rumination over it (iv also got a bit of trauma with this topic from previous relationships) And it was taking over my life, I posted in a girls group I was in what the situation was, most of the people said that mabye it’s just a bit of boundary setting but it dosent seem like anything was intentional and he seems like a good person who cares about me (which he is) - there was one girl, who replied, and the reply was that I should go to the police, and it was r*p* and that it was taken advantage and all this really strong stuff, obviously being the way I am, my brain has absolutely clung to that comment, and two years down the line, i still cannot shake it off- I know who he is; and I know he’s respectful and is an all round good partner, but the what ifs, doubting, and that comment are still taking over my life to this day. I just don’t know what to think and how to feel anymore 😞 If you managed to read it all, I appreciate it! I know it’s not short so thank you 😊