Made a post about an hour ago with the gory details of what I’m so anxious about tonight, but just thought I would make another with a more general question. I’m really looking for some support and help so if anyone can chat, I would greatly appreciate it! How can we be okay with BIG what-ifs in our relationship or it’s past? Like a real event that occurred, where you chose to trust someone or chose to forgive or whatever, but every time you think about it (even years later), you get overwhelmed with anxiety all over again? You can’t go back in time to get the answer, or get more evidence. You’ve asked your partner and talked it over a dozen times with them since then. But the WHAT IF doesn’t go away. What if they really betrayed me? What if they really lied? What if what if what if? And you can never really know the truth. Sorry for double posting about the same thing. I’m just feeling stuck and don’t know what to do with these fears/feelings. I want to call him and ask again but I’ve done this so many times in 3 years. I’ve already asked the same questions over and over. So I’m posting here instead 😅

Relationship OCD

Nica

Date posted: 4y

When you’re in a real committed relationship, there’s 100% going to be ups and downs and regrets. If you love one another and want to stay together, you work through it day by day and GROW with one another. A long term relationship is about communicating and compromising, but that doesn’t always means you won’t have fights or regrets.

Stuckinmyhead

Date posted: 4y

Thanks so much. I really appreciate the reply and the kind words! I think for me, especially in this specific case, it’s such a dealbreaker “what-if”. It happened 3 years ago but if I ever found out the “truth” (that it really did happen), I would be stupid/naive to ever be friendly or kind to him. I think that’s really my biggest fear…finding out that I was naive and wrong about him for so many years. That I trusted someone who didn’t “deserve it” Sorry, I know this is probably too much for a forum and I definitely need to unpack this with a therapist 😅 I’m just so so so anxious tonight and have no one to talk to

Nat <3

Date posted: 4y

@rewilding Hey, I think I know what you're going through. I was in a similar situation, questioning the same things, but then (in my case) I realized what truly bothered me were how others viewed my SO, and never stopped to see how I truly felt. If it's a deal breaker for you, I get the anxiety, but remember..we aren't fortune tellers. We can't see the future. Maybe we'll get hurt--but maybe we won't. Esp in relationships, that's always the risk we take. It seems, if you've been in it for this long, you were willing to take this risk. And that's a beautiful thing, ultimately... just remember time tells all. Either way, I wish you luck in this and in your ROCD battle. You are not these thoughts. You are not alone.

jkb19

Date posted: 4y

But yeah… that fear of being wrong or being played is just another subset of the fear of not knowing for sure. The “doubting disorder,” am I right?! It will be ok. You will be ok. Hang in there!

jkb19

Date posted: 4y

I’m in the same boat as you… and have spent so much time looking for “evidence” either way. I guess what helps me on the days I can manage is trying to stay in the present moment. And on bad days I ask for reassurance a million times…ha…and then I usually end up feeling relieved but also embarrassed to ask YET again “are you sure you’re not lying.” I am thankful my husband understands my OCD even though it has to be torture for him some days to be the object of my obsession (currently until my next theme unfortunately). Also looking at the WHOLE picture instead of one little piece of the puzzle helps. I think we tend to do that… pick apart little things for whatever reason. And when we look at the whole picture and how they treat us overall, we will see we are probably being irrational and it’s just our OCD making us question. And it doesn’t help that I have such an eye for details… times, days, etc… and when someone else doesn’t it makes us feel like we are being lied to when really they probably just don’t know.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond