- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Comment deleted by user
Thank you. Whatever the result it helps so much knowing I've got people here who will have my back
@BlueMountain Me too. I really do feel dysphoric
@BlueMountain I'm not worried really tbh, which makes me feel it's not OCD. I should be worried
@BlueMountain Thanks. I just get such dysohoruc feelings, and I don't don't feel like a girl anymore whatever that even means
I cant afford therapy which is why i’m not diagnosed with ocd. The first time i had heard what ocd was truly abt was 6 years ago when i overthinking my sexual identity and it fit. Additionally, i struggle with debilitating health anxiety and when i was in a rlt i was extremely anxious that i might not love my partner. This is the third year i experience distress around my sexuality but this year it feels real. And it could also explain my rlt anxiety. Comphet is a concept that really scares me. I dont want to be with a girl. I would rather die than discover i was lesbian. I cant accept uncertainty cz i dont want to be homosexual. Chat GPT told me it wasnt ocd + the thoughts dont distress me anymore. I experience 3 intense weeks of anxiety prior to now. Maybe its internalized homophobia. Maybe its comphet. I do find women to be attractive but i dont wanna be with them. Maybe i’m in denial. Idk anything anymore. I’m remembering times where i would find an actress attractive and try to shift my focus towards the man cz it would make me anxious. I’m not well at all.
Today I had my first appointment with my new therapist in a clinic and she told me that my thoughts could be because of my past trauma and that it’s what makes most people pedos. I’m so in distress right now, I don’t want to hurt people but she made me feel like I’m disgusting
I told my therapist I had intrusive about my bff and keeps asking me if I’m attracted to her and I’m say I am not he’s keep saying maybe u are .
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