- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I know this feeling but if there is anything I can impart from what I've learned...posts like this perpetuate the cycle as these are reassurance seeking and also treating these thoughts as just thoughts and being indifferent to them and ever allowing them to stay awhile (I personally like saying "pull up a chair and hang out a while") robs them of their power.
- Date posted
- 4y
YESSS š„²
- Date posted
- 4y
I have a bf in the air force and I see him in October. I get worried that Iām not going to feel anything when I see him or not be attracted to him. And I worry that itās not even because im not but because of my anxiety. So then I could lose someone I actually love
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whyyocd Oh gosh that sounds so hard but i can relate to that feeling, its horrible.. i hope your ocd doesnt get in the way of you spending time with your bf in october. remember that ocd latches onto what we value most so he clearly means a lot to you, try and ignore ocd telling you otherwise (easier said than done haha). I dont have a bf but i thought i liked this guy but now im terrified im faking it. and i cant even think of actually pursuing it because if I wasnāt immediately attracted to him then i would take that as proof and I honestly dont know what id do
- Date posted
- 4y
@Winter Thank you sm š„ŗš something I worried about was being intimate with him and then having an intrusive thought. I asked my therapist about it and she said that if youāre only not doing something because of an intrusive thought or something like that then still do it. Because then itās sort of like a compulsion. Like weāre are avoiding. Itās definitely a lot easier said than done too!!! If you have a therapist then I would definitely talk to them about it and see what they say and if they can explain it better than I can rn!!! :)
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whyyocd Oh me too! My boyfriend is coming back from the marines in 5 days! Iām so terrified and anxious but I just want to love him b
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whyyocd Yeah thats true, i guess its an avoidance compulsion really. Its just that the uncertainty is so scary! Hope everything goes okay for you in october (im sure it will, dont let ocd win š)
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- 4y
@Winter No yeah for sure and thank you again!!!!! š„° and I hope you can try and figure out if you really do like that one guy š„ŗ
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus OMGGG ILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU!!! Feel free to talk to me about it if you want!!! Something that has kind of helped me is realizing that whatever is going to happen will happen so there is āno reasonā to worry about it. Obviously way easier said then done. YOU GOT THIS āŗļøāØ
- Date posted
- 4y
@Whyyocd Thank you so much!!!! Iāll definitely keep that mind and let you know how it goes
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel like I will never like guys again. Idk what to do bc my attraction to guys ain't there anymore, and yes I'm also afraid I'll realize I'm in denial
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- 4y
rn it feels like I am :(
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- 4y
@corpse dance I know exactly what you mean, it feels awful to have it weighing on you 24/7. Really hope things get better for you soon and thanks for replying, its nice to know weāre not alone :)
- Date posted
- 4y
So Iām 22 and have no experience like at all not even a little bit. I donāt see myself ever getting into anything with anyone either and sometimes I get sad but other times I think I wouldnāt mind because itās like my āsafe spaceā if that makes sense
Related posts
- Date posted
- 11w
MY STORY iāve grown up in a mostly supportive family and area and we are not homophobic. i grew up knowing what gay people were and i donāt care i grew up not to care. im from nj. my parents are friends with a lesbian couple and we see them once in while. i grew up watching people like joey graceffa whose gay. i also had some school friends that were gay like this kid kevin and this girl elizabeth. i also babysit a little gay boy who likes to dress up as a girl and i always tell him to embrace it and defend him. i wouldnāt care if a friend was gay or anything like i wouldnāt care if my sister was it would just make me rethink things about myself i think. from a young age i liked male attention and had labeled boys as crushes from my mom says. i dont think i liked girls when i was younger and my mom said it was only guys. but idk maybe there was. However i do remeber hairy men when i was younger would gross me out like with black hair and pale. my mom said every since i was a little girl i would tell her i liked boys. as i got older and in middle school i always wanted guys to want me and think i was funny and pretty and i would get awkward around them and nervous around them. but i remeber i didnāt have specific things i found hot or attractive and if someone said something was hot i would just agree and start telling myself it was hot even when i didnāt care i just wanted to be cool. then hocd hit at 13-15 during covid where i was so confused. the first time i had hocd i would like not avoid the thoughts i would do a lot of testing to figure it out for hours and hours in diffrent ways and would feel the same arousal and attraction im feeling now. but i remeber wanting to end up straight and try and rule out gay stuff. but it wasnāt avoidance i didnt have anything against gay people. when the thoughts were still there i still would only act on stuff with boys. when i first had it i remeber crying to my mom for like a month and i was like whatever sheās not helping im gonna figure this out by myself. thatās when i started testing myself for two years. over time it was just there. ofc it was distressing but i donāt remember much. slowly when i went to high school it faded because i loved going to parties and flirting with guys and talking about them and thinking what boy am i gonna kiss tonight itās gonna be a crazy night. when covid ended and we went back to real like i started going to parties and kissing boys. i started dating one boy and we would talk all the time just not really hangout so we broke up because i wanted more male attention and was kinda bored of the relation shop. i started hu with this one boy and like didnāt really know if i was into it cause i kinda wanted to hoe around and we were kinda like locked in and i didnāt know if i wanted that. so he got the hint i wasnāt into it and stopped talking to me moved on to another girl and got popular in the span of like two weeks. after this i was obsessed with him and got all nervous to see him and i always just wanted to be like can we go back to the way we were. we then started to āhateā eachother and i was so sad all the time he didnāt want me anymore and moved on. we hooked up in and off for two years. then i started hooking up with this one kid cause i always thought he was really funny and chill. we hooked up for a little and then i started to get the ick. i then got with like two other boys at parties. so then we stopped talking and i started talking to the āhate eachother kidā again. we then started dating and heās my current boyfriend of a little over a year. all these instances made me feel good and i loved the attention and drama. but i struggled with committing with people. i donāt know if this all for validation because i loved when men wanted me it gave me an ego boost and still does even if i didnāt really want them or couldnāt get it to last with a boy. iām scared it was all for attention and confidence there attention gave me. i liked feeling like a baddie. i liked when the hot funny guys liked me now at 18 itās back and for six months all i been doing is talking to my mom my sister and my dad about it constantly researching and checking and for those six months i was in a haze of just despair. i was also in erp but it was so bad i couldnāt sit with the distress so i didnāt make much progress and my pyscuatrust told me to stop for a while until we get my brain right with meds. after three weeks no erp and more meds of seretonin and rexulti i finally donāt feel distress or anxious but the feelings of attraction are still there. i thought there supposed to vanish. iām from nj and from a supportive family and ig supportive environment and friends. iām 18. and in high school okay so growing up my mo said i only liked guys and would talk about guy crushes and had two celebrity guy crushes. this was all the way up into middle school. then when middle school came around i started liking this guy cause he was funny and popular. then we started dating and everytime he would do something affectionate i would start crying and get so tense and freak out so i broke up with him because he made me so nervous . a year later i still liked him and i got back together with him and the same thing happened so i broke up with him. i think during middle school i liked guys. my mom said i did. i also would get really nervous when any of them would come around to hangout and i wouldnāt talk. but i would also just follow what my friends and sister said. if they said a guy was hot i would just agree. i dont know if i actually found them attractive. i still kinda do this to this day. then covid hit for two years. during those two years i was in my house house and got hocd. so i had hocd sexual intrusive thoughts only and had the groinal really bad. but i would still try and have crushes on guys and think i did. but my hocd also attached itself to one of my pretty friends who was a girl. it made me have a lot of sexual thoughts that i would masturbate to about her. it was about her waist and stuff and it made me loose myself. before hocd me and her were bestfriends and really close and im not sure if i had feelings for her. i mean i was always jealous cause all the guys always wanted her and thought she was pretty. then we got out of covid and i was now in high school. the hocd slowly faded my freshman year. in the begining of freshman year there was this tall brunette guy who i started talking too for months and started dating and i would get all nervous when he came around. i really liked him and enjoyed talking to him. then we broke up cause we never hung out. after that for the next two years i developed what i thought two be two genuine crushes. i would make out with cute guys at parties for the experience and to add cute guys to my kids list. basically hocd was gone but i did this one thing sometimes i did is i would always try to prove i was straight to my mom. like if we were watching tv i would say a guy was hot. i didnāt want her to think i was gay even though she wouldnāt care at all but i would do this because she was the only one i would talk to about my sexual intrusive thoughts and feelings. i was hooking up with my guy best friend but then started to looses interest but he was still obsessed. one day he caught on i wasnāt into it started hanging out with older people and going to there parties and started hooking up with this older girl. i got super jealous and heartbroken cause he didnāt care about me. i donāt know if this heartbreak and crying was because he got popular, he wasnāt giving me attention, we werenāt friends anymore or because i actually liked him. i always had a thing for him after this. i started going to the older people parties and i always wanted to see him there and make him jealous. one and half years later we started talking again and we started dating. once we started dating we started having sex. almost every time or most of the time i finish when he eats me out, we have actual sex or if weāre just humping. we say i love you and stuff. ths first six months we would do everything together like just little shopping trips or whatever. we were always hanging out. then it started to dial down and i started getting annoyed with him sometimes which my mom and sister said was normal. but i still said love you and we would hangout and have sex but idk. i would have thoughts like we arenāt going to last because heās not smart enough, and sometimes my mom would say this too. but she would also say how much he loved me and how he was such a sweet guy and how he would do anything for me. but idk i just wouldnāt feel it. like i still showed pda and did like him. would a lesbian who didnāt know it yet likely date a guy for a year and a half at 18, have sex like once a week, have orgasmed during penetration, creamed, squirted finished by his hands and mouth then hocd hit again. this time much worse. it was even stronger it felt like with the feelings. the first three months i was in this haze and was crying everyday that i might be gay and how i really really really didnāt want to be. i still have hocd and im in therapy and on medication. i cant tell if my attraction to men is real. my mom says it is and she knows me and im not gay and ive shown genuine excitement about guys. my sister says the same thing. but it feel like ive convinced myself ive been doing it to fit in. the thoughts got bad and ive told my mom my sister my dad and ive told three friends. my mom and sister ive told the details too or the intrusive thoughts and false attraction. iāve always found women attractive and i find it easier to find them attractive like physically but never felt this way can i conclude im not lesbian? or like is it likely my attraction to men hasnāt been genuine
- Date posted
- 10w
i'm a lesbian, i was sure of this for many years, until soocd started messing with me around a month ago. it's hard because lesbians with soocd aren't well documented and it's hard to find similar experiences from others. i hate this, my mind is telling me it's not ocd and that i actually like men. i don't even know if i wouldn't like it. i guess that's accepting uncertainty but i don't want to like men. i want to marry my girlfriend. i don't want to be with a man but my mind doesn't let me feel anything regarding that, neither good nor bad, and i cannot tell if i enjoy that thought or don't like it. it's horrible. i'm so exhausted. i get groinal reactions too which i've never even had before this subtype flared up because im on the asexual spectrum. it's insane. has anyone else had any similar experiences?
- Date posted
- 26d
After I started experiencing SOOCD for the past 5 years, I have had absolutely no sexual drive and no (barely anything) attraction to men. Iāve also sort of been emotionally numb for a very long time and I think itās due to the years of anxiety and horrible depression. Ive been living like a rock, im just floating through life. I have no interests, no hobbies, zero motivation, no goals, and i feel like im going to be stuck like this forever. TMI !!!!!! I think the last time I felt actual genuine arousal/excitement was when I reconnected with my ex a couple years back and that was literally just for a day because SOOCD shut that down quickly. Since my SOOCD started when i was young i never fully felt aroused when I was being intimate. I wanted to do it and I wanted to feel things so badly but I couldnāt/i couldnāt get fully turned on. A month ago I was starting to feel happier, the intrusive thoughts/compulsions were very rare, and I was rarely experiencing the grounds response or or triggered (even though i still had no libido or attraction). I was doing pretty good and I recently got into a new relationship and my boyfriend literally woke up the attraction, I slowly felt myself becoming less numb. Just hanging out with him I started thinking āwow heās so cuteā āi want him to kiss meā āi wish he would hold my handā āhis smile is nice why is he so fineā. I felt something so sweet and It made me so so happy. We had such sweet dates and I was starting to feel like I was getting myself back. I still didnāt have a sexual drive (it was waking up slowlllyyy) and my flare up was starting to get worse so I couldnāt fully enjoy being intimate. My flare up has gotten pretty bad again lately iām questioning all the things I felt with him and all the attraction and feelings are being clouded by intense anxiety, doubt, and worry. It triggers the SOOCD thoughts so bad and in the shower i was worrying that my anxiety, checking (of arousal, attraction, emotions, etc), other compulsions, and numbness are going to ruin my relationship. It just makes me worry that iāll never get those feelings back. TMI!!!!! i just want to feel h*ny again man and I want to feel those feelings I felt for my man š Literally 6 years of numbness, depression, anxiety and I finally felt somewhat normal š he was waking things up and my intrusive thoughts messed it all up again. Anyways, I just want to know if anyone has experienced this and if ERP helped at all. I have a therapist now (thank you nocd) and Iām finally going to do ERP, try to fix my depression, and stuff like that. Iām trying to take the advice of someone who commented on one of my posts. They say that i need to continue my life no matter what ocd tells me. Itās getting harder again but I just hope the work im about to put in will allow me to finally enjoy my life.
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