I feel so anxious now it’s feeling like I I would look bc I’m attracted to kids bodies 😣 but it doesn’t make sense bc I don’t but what if I do? I keep getting anxious and groinals it feels like I would look bc I like them when I don’t wanna look but it makes feel like I do or what if I have urge to if they’re changing or something idk why I can’t stop thinking about it it’s making me sick. And yesterday I was finally feeling a bit more calm then I wake up to this that if I can’t stop thinking abt it that must mean I like it and that I am a pedo when I don’t want that.

Okay :,), I’ll try. Thank you 🙏🏽 and I’m sorry you had to drop out 🥺❤️

@kathernyr Its okay haha. I just couldn’t be in a job where I constantly had false memories and thoughts. At the point where I dropped out i was convinced I was a pedo. Its been almost 3 years since I was diagnosed. I promise it does get better. :)

I’m kinda dealing with this right now I want to cry because I have two younger siblings and I had gotten one about my sister I had a panic attack and I feel like I can’t look at her anymore or give her hugs and stuff because of those thoughts. It makes me so sad because I try not to look at her or my other siblings. I feel so hopeless like I won’t be able to have kids and it just makes me sad I know I could never but I feel like I can’t be around them or my family because of my thoughts. I wanted to have kids and now I feel like I can’t. I’m kinda crying now it’s sucks so much because I love my family but this illness is kicking my ass

@gabgirl2234 What do you do now?

@BlueMountain I just cried a little bit reading this:,(Thank you I will try I’m just so scared and I have a lot of shame and guilt

@BlueMountain Thank you!! You are such a kind person and I feel like you know what to say. I really appreciate your words🥺. I’ll definitely take them into consideration I’m just so emotional right now but I can’t cry because I’m at work lol. My life is just a complete mess. I never been this mentally unstable before and it’s so tiring

@BlueMountain I wish I could be so strong and positive like you I’m really trying to get through the pain. How do you do it?

@BlueMountain Yeah I think it’s so hard I feel like my life has been taken away from me and it’s so sad. I hope with therapy I could get to a point like you

@BlueMountain What happens when you get an intrusive thought and it’s like your theme is trying to change? Like should I just sit with it and let it go?

@BlueMountain If I don’t let it sit can the theme progress?

@BlueMountain Okay I just freaked out and I’m kinda freaking out I’m letting the thought sit but I’m scared

@BlueMountain Is there anyway I can message you privately?? I kinda want to talk to someone right now😅

@BlueMountain Oh okay I respect that.

@BlueMountain Thank you!

@BlueMountain Yeah no thank you for your words. It’s really comforting. Wish you the best🥺

@BlueMountain ❤️🥲

@BlueMountain It just feels like it bc what if I’m alone with a kid or something and want to turn around and look at them changing, like it’s just a scenario I keep thinking about in my head bc if it ever happens with a kid or my best friend I have to know if I would do that 😭 kinda like expecting the worst case scenario 🥲🥲 and at first it wasn’t coming in so invasive it was gradually getting to this and now it’s all the posts I’ve made 🥲😣

@BlueMountain So it’s understandable right ?😭 bc that’s been my main concern for the last couple of days and what all those posts were about 😭 and I thought I was being vague about it bc I felt like I didn’t say everything so that made me feel bad like if I was hiding something

@BlueMountain So basically I just need to surrender and let ocd have its thing then 😅😭

@BlueMountain Yeah.. I shouldn’t seek too much reassurance 😅 if really sneaks up on you, and I’ll keep all those things in mind 😄 and take that into my own hands 😭