hi everyone. i found out that i have ocd recently. i went to different psychiatrists and they never told me that but now when i think about my past i understand that i have had ocd since childhood. now i experience rocd and it’s really hard. when i met my boyfriend i noticed that he is not perfect (appearance) but i felt that i like him really and i wanted to kiss him and to have sex with him. also it was really interesting to chat with him and to talk. but this thing with appearance wouldn’t go away. when he was away i checked videos and photos to calm down and to tell myself that he’s okay, anxiety passed away for several hours and then it came back. but i realized i have had ocd only after 3 month we have been together. i even broke up with him because i thought it would help, but obviously it didn’t because i felt that i like to spend time with him. and lately i understood that it was one of my compulsions. now it’s really hard. sometimes i think that i like everyone except him and that it will never go away, but during past week my anxiety (i do exercises and sit with my fears) went from 10/10 to 7 or even 6 out of 10. when i feel anxious i think that i just hate him and i even experience nightmares with him where he looks like really scary, not like in reality. sometimes i can’t talk to him on facetime because i think that he is ugly when thoughts about this go away my brain makes new ones – he is stupid, you never liked him, you didn’t feel sympathy it was all an illusion. it’s really hard cause before i never knew how to DEAL WITH IT cause no one told me i need to live through this anxiety without trying to make it pass away. sometimes i feel i hate him and i’m not interested about anything about him and my brain tells me to just break up but i know this is one of mechanisms to remove the anxiety. i know i liked him really but sometimes i think “does this really worth it if i fell like this?” but i know that i feel like this cause i just acknowledged that i have ocd and cause i never really coped with my anxiety in the right way. you know, it sucks when you understand that you had really bad ocd past 3 years and it affected relationship with friends and studying and like all life??? but you thought it was depression and doctors just gave you pills that never really helped you and now you can’t stop taking it cause you have really bad anxiety that will rise if you stop taking pills that you have taken for years. (i will stop taking it and now i go to new doctor and trying to find a doctor that will help me with my medicaments) but i know i can handle it and i want to know that i’m able to love and to build any kind of relationship without fear… i know that i’m okay and that i will be okay because now i know how to handle this… but sometimes i think that i can’t handle.. but deep inside i know I CAN. and also sometimes i think that i don’t have ocd and i made it up just to avoid the difficulties. but also i know that it’s one of the symptoms of ocd. if anyone goes or went through this please reply i would be happy to talk sorry for my mistakes english is not my native language

For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..

Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!

Hello, I unknowingly have lived with ROCD or OCD (not sure what one. I’m new to this). It has ruined so many amazing romantic and platonic relationships and I am so sad that just now I am finding out what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe life would be different if I have known. My OCD and anxiety is at an all time high (ATH) due to some horrible events that have happened in the recent months. I am at the point where paranoia has taken over my life now. I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago where I fainted. My anxiety attacks are so extreme I go thought cognitive distortion that has lasted days. My girlfriend of 3 years is my emotional guardian and she no long has the energy to be that and honestly it’s not her responsibility to be that. She is bi and wanted to have an open relationship and for someone who has OCD this has not been good for me. She also was assaulted in my own home by a good friend of ours when I was out of town but it’s not a clear situation because it sounded consensual at first. I just left my very high paying job. I am financially secure but the job was emotionally abusive and looking back made my OCD worse. I am taking some time off to get my head right…but now, all I have to do during the day is live in my OCD. I’m very happy I finally figured out why I act the way I do but I don’t know if I can get better quick enough to save my relationship. I have never been so worried about myself (M 28 years old). I am a confident young professional and never thought I would be writing on a page like this. Anyway…I hope it gets better.