hi everyone. i found out that i have ocd recently. i went to different psychiatrists and they never told me that but now when i think about my past i understand that i have had ocd since childhood. now i experience rocd and it’s really hard. when i met my boyfriend i noticed that he is not perfect (appearance) but i felt that i like him really and i wanted to kiss him and to have sex with him. also it was really interesting to chat with him and to talk. but this thing with appearance wouldn’t go away. when he was away i checked videos and photos to calm down and to tell myself that he’s okay, anxiety passed away for several hours and then it came back. but i realized i have had ocd only after 3 month we have been together. i even broke up with him because i thought it would help, but obviously it didn’t because i felt that i like to spend time with him. and lately i understood that it was one of my compulsions. now it’s really hard. sometimes i think that i like everyone except him and that it will never go away, but during past week my anxiety (i do exercises and sit with my fears) went from 10/10 to 7 or even 6 out of 10. when i feel anxious i think that i just hate him and i even experience nightmares with him where he looks like really scary, not like in reality. sometimes i can’t talk to him on facetime because i think that he is ugly when thoughts about this go away my brain makes new ones – he is stupid, you never liked him, you didn’t feel sympathy it was all an illusion. it’s really hard cause before i never knew how to DEAL WITH IT cause no one told me i need to live through this anxiety without trying to make it pass away. sometimes i feel i hate him and i’m not interested about anything about him and my brain tells me to just break up but i know this is one of mechanisms to remove the anxiety. i know i liked him really but sometimes i think “does this really worth it if i fell like this?” but i know that i feel like this cause i just acknowledged that i have ocd and cause i never really coped with my anxiety in the right way. you know, it sucks when you understand that you had really bad ocd past 3 years and it affected relationship with friends and studying and like all life??? but you thought it was depression and doctors just gave you pills that never really helped you and now you can’t stop taking it cause you have really bad anxiety that will rise if you stop taking pills that you have taken for years. (i will stop taking it and now i go to new doctor and trying to find a doctor that will help me with my medicaments) but i know i can handle it and i want to know that i’m able to love and to build any kind of relationship without fear… i know that i’m okay and that i will be okay because now i know how to handle this… but sometimes i think that i can’t handle.. but deep inside i know I CAN. and also sometimes i think that i don’t have ocd and i made it up just to avoid the difficulties. but also i know that it’s one of the symptoms of ocd. if anyone goes or went through this please reply i would be happy to talk sorry for my mistakes english is not my native language

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.

I wanted to talk about my experiences with rOCD since I currently do still suffer from it but I know if I talked about them. My thoughts are just gonna get stronger, but I’ll do it for the sake of talking about my experiences to others who feel like they’re alone. I have a very loving relationship actually my first healthy relationship we are currently still dating one year and six months. I would say these intrusive thoughts started to happen once I hit the one year mark with him. Nothing in the relationship has made me think these thoughts, but it just came. Like when my mind tried to make me think I liked another guy other than my boyfriend and that I was losing feelings for him. I started to panic because I knew that my heart belonged to my boyfriend and having thoughts that were against that belief it made me really anxious cause I never had those thoughts before. I was in and out of the care center at my school constantly having anxiety attacks, and it was affecting me day by day. I talk to my boyfriend about it because my mind can never keep secrets from him because then I would feel like that I’m lying to him… my mind just kinda works that way and I believe it’s due to the situation I have with rOCD. Luckily, he was really supportive.. in thoughts I’ve had was what if I don’t like him anymore or if he doesn’t do this does that mean he likes me or if he’s even the one just a lot of doubts about me and him in the relationship. And for anyone who’s experiencing stuff familiar to this you are not alone invalid only what you believe is what is true. And I know it’s gonna be hard to know what’s true or not because these thoughts that you have versus what’s in your heart you get confused but if you know that you love that person then that’s what true. Also, the only reason why it affected me a lot was because I kept trying to solve it and the only solution is to let those thoughts in and accept that you have those thoughts. I don’t mean as an accept that these thoughts are true, but accepts that those are the thoughts that you’re thinking because if you keep on trying to find a solution to remove them, it only just get worse.

i have always been a pretty doubtful and overthinking person all my life, but i have never had bad ocd until something happened in my current relationship i met my boyfriend senior year of highschool, we started off as friends first but then would text all night and found out we have a lot in common, he still lived at his parents house at the time, i'd go over to his or he'd come over to mine sometimes, your typical teen romance story, my rocd didn't start acting up till we started getting serious fast forward to when i started working at my old job and met this guy who pretty much love bombed me, i didn't know it at the time, and so i lost myself during that time trying to balance everyone's feelings, i ended up hurting my current boyfriend really badly and ever since ive had raging rocd, every second of every day i cut this guy off and me and my boyfriend are still together, working it out, and then two christmases ago he gets kicked out of his house, and starts living with me and my family, a huge change i wasn't ready for but it happened my family loves my boyfriend, everyone i've ever introduced him to also does, he truly is an angel, he's so sweet and good to me, i've met all his friends and he's met mine, i could picture a life with him, but currently my rocd is too much to bear, id be better alone but im so deep in this now it's crippling, i can't hangout with my friends without rocd, cant wake up without rocd, cant think of anything without rocd, i cant eat or sleep, life feels like it's no longer real, the relief of breaking up with my boyfriend would free me, but i cant bring myself to, ive tried multiple times, i might just be a coward because i dont want to hurt him again, i dont want to lose him, but ive lost myself, this rocd is driving me insane lets say I break up with my boyfriend, he already got kicked out of his old house and I do not want him to have to feel like he's got to be kicked out again, this is his home now and I just couldn't do that to him, my family would lose someone they see as a son, and I would have to watch him move his stuff which would make me so sad because I care so much for him, I would even move out just so he doesn't have to the thing is I really can't put myself through this anymore, I have to put myself first or this will kill me, idk what to do maybe i could talk to him about how bad my ocd is, tell him that i really have tried to push through but i need a break, maybe we could be friends and work it out? i hope so