Guys I am SO tempted to stalk my boyfriends ex girlfriends Facebook and to try to unlock it to see old pics of them. I hate it so much I don’t know why I want to see past pictures of them together but I just do.

Does anybody else struggle with the fact, knowing that their boyfriend used to watch porn and makes it you feel jealous or super insecure about yourself? It’s weird because I knew my first boyfriend watched porn before we met and it never really bothered me and now I’m on my second boyfriend and he told me he watched porn and had an addiction about two years ago and is clean but for some reason, this just bothers me and makes me super insecure Way more than my first boyfriend. And I understand that he did two years ago, but the fact imagining him pleasuring himself to another girl and the fact that it’s a girl that has stuff that I don’t have just makes me feel super insecure about my own body, even though this was almost 3 years ago. I just don’t understand why all of a sudden I feel this way because anytime he mentions something like a girl popped up on Instagram. I automatically think oh like this is something he likes like he probably wishes I look like her or just the simple fact of knowing that it accidentally pops up and he sees it and then I hear about it and I just automatically like shut down and I get super insecure and have the time I don’t even want him to like, touch my body because I feel so insecure, knowing the fact that I don’t look like these Instagram girls that randomly just pop up. And it’s crazy because I never cared or thought this way but once I started dating my current boyfriend, I just can’t stop thinking about not being good enough because I don’t look like an Instagram model.

Ok, so when I was in high school I became very obsessive with love. I didn’t love myself and I found this boy who I wanted to love me. I had myself convinced we would get married. He didn’t even know who I was and I’ll admit, I completely invaded his privacy. I memorized his schedule, I put myself in places I knew he’d be or if I knew he was somewhere I’d go. I truly never meant harm, I just wanted him to love me and I thought that me stalking his life would get me into it and get him to love me. It got to the point where I even stalked other girls I thought he liked and told them that we were a “thing” so that they would stop talking to him even though we were definitely not a thing. I struggle to release the guilt of that overall because I feel so so so awful about it, but I know I never meant harm. Anyways, now that we are no longer together, I have this fear that if he never would’ve given me the attention I desired that I would’ve kept going. I would’ve started to get harmful and that I would’ve gone as far as harming people around him in order to get myself into his life. It makes me feel so awful but I truly do feel like I would’ve kept going and kept myself in his life even if he would’ve gotten a different girlfriend. Idk, I just really struggle because I don’t feel as though this was ocd and that maybe I truthfully am a horrible person who does need serious help because I stalked him so much and obsessed over him and crossed his privacy boundary. I’m so afraid to the extent that I would’ve gone had it not become us dating.

Why am I so curious about my bf’s sexual past … I know the amount of people he’s been with, but now I’m curious as to how many at one time. I don’t want to ask because if I know and it’s an answer I don’t like, it will break me. How do I get the urge to ask out of my head :/