Guys I am SO tempted to stalk my boyfriends ex girlfriends Facebook and to try to unlock it to see old pics of them. I hate it so much I don’t know why I want to see past pictures of them together but I just do.

Ok, so when I was in high school I became very obsessive with love. I didn’t love myself and I found this boy who I wanted to love me. I had myself convinced we would get married. He didn’t even know who I was and I’ll admit, I completely invaded his privacy. I memorized his schedule, I put myself in places I knew he’d be or if I knew he was somewhere I’d go. I truly never meant harm, I just wanted him to love me and I thought that me stalking his life would get me into it and get him to love me. It got to the point where I even stalked other girls I thought he liked and told them that we were a “thing” so that they would stop talking to him even though we were definitely not a thing. I struggle to release the guilt of that overall because I feel so so so awful about it, but I know I never meant harm. Anyways, now that we are no longer together, I have this fear that if he never would’ve given me the attention I desired that I would’ve kept going. I would’ve started to get harmful and that I would’ve gone as far as harming people around him in order to get myself into his life. It makes me feel so awful but I truly do feel like I would’ve kept going and kept myself in his life even if he would’ve gotten a different girlfriend. Idk, I just really struggle because I don’t feel as though this was ocd and that maybe I truthfully am a horrible person who does need serious help because I stalked him so much and obsessed over him and crossed his privacy boundary. I’m so afraid to the extent that I would’ve gone had it not become us dating.

Why am I so curious about my bf’s sexual past … I know the amount of people he’s been with, but now I’m curious as to how many at one time. I don’t want to ask because if I know and it’s an answer I don’t like, it will break me. How do I get the urge to ask out of my head :/

I stated dating my boyfriend about 3 months ago. This is my first boyfriend ever. He’s been in 2 serious relationships in the past and multiple sexual partners. I’ve had neither. When we first started dating/ at one point were just friends, he told me a lot about the last girl he was in a relationship including their sex life. Fast forward to us dating for about a month and I found out he had been texting her. We almost broke up. But also for context she broke up with him because she figured out she was a lesbian. But still… anyways we moved past it. And now… I’m sure we can all see this coming… I have this theme! I think about his ex gf all the time. I stalk her on social media and try to find hints and clues about their relationship. I compare myself to her. It really impacts my relationship because I’ll get mad at him for no reason. For example we went thrifting recently and he picked out stuff that completely wasn’t my style, but was hers. Which made me spiral. Is he purposely dressing me like her? Does he want me to be someone else, someone like her? The whole texting her thing was put in the past. I’ve forgiven him. But I can’t help but have resentment towards him and think/ visualize all these thoughts about them together and how I’ll never measure up to that. It makes me think I shouldn’t have got into a relationship. That maybe I’m better off by myself. But like all of us. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts. I wish I could believe he liked me for me. But sometimes it’s really hard.