- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
@Fox - thanks. We have been together for 8 months in a LDR. He’s committed and plans to move out here I just wish he would be more supportive. He tends to lose his temper in the face of all the questioning and I lose my shit sometimes when I can’t get a hold of him. I think we focus on the ROCD way too much in the relationship. It takes over a lot of our conversations these days b/c of how he reacts and how I react to how he reacts. That cycle needs to break. We both try. We both love each other a lot. He’s the first man in ten years I felt I actually have a future with and I think that’s a lot of pressure to put on one person...
- Date posted
- 6y
That’s amazing!! Great job ??
- Date posted
- 6y
Awesome! I know how hard ROCD can be and it’s so important to have a supportive partner!!! Good for you!
- Date posted
- 6y
great job!
- Date posted
- 6y
Thanks!!! @Rory
- Date posted
- 6y
Thanks @P, yeah I’m really glad about how supportive she is. I know a lot of people who would try to back out once they realized that “this isn’t going to be a simple relationship/ friendship”. I’m sorry you have to deal with ROCD as well, and I hope that you have found someone who is supportive and understanding and if you haven’t yet well know that you will find someone who’s right for you out there c:
- Date posted
- 6y
That’s great! It’s up in the air for me and my current partner unfortunately (he’s the “this isn’t what I signed up for” guy) ? so he might not be the right one after all which sucks to think about but something I have to accept. For now we push through it and try, try...
- Date posted
- 6y
@P, aw I’m sorry to hear that. Guys don’t expect to have to do tend to these types of things but sometimes that’s just how life is. Idk how long you and him have been together but seeing that he’s still with you I think he does want things to work out. If he’s committed to the relationship he’ll make changes to his behaviour towards it. It’s likely that he’s scared about doing something wrong and doesn’t know how to act in ways that doesn’t trigger your ROCD, if he’s willing to listen you should bring up some pointers with him maybe like a ‘do and don’t’ sort of list. I hope everything turns out for the best between you two
- Date posted
- 6y
@P , Hey I'm happy to hear that he's committed and that you guys have bigger plans for the future. Just from reading this I think you guys do yes focus on the ROCD too much but maybe in a bad way. A lot of good can come from talking about your ROCD but when those conversations are arguments and fights or how those fights and arguments turn out it doesn't create a lot of room for constructive conversation. I think what might help is to give him some tips of what he can say when you bring up something that seems like you're accusing him of something and I think he needs to learn some calming excercises like breathing strategies to help keep his cool. Idk if you have done this already but you should talk to him about the FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) Principle. He needs to know that the evidence you find is for a lack of better words not real. I really do hope the best for you two, it sounds like you really really feel connected to him and love him very much.
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- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 22w
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
- Date posted
- 18w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 14w
What’s one small win or act of bravery you’ve had this week, even if it felt really hard? **OCD recovery isn’t about perfection—it's about progress, even if it's tiny. Maybe you delayed a compulsion by 30 seconds. Maybe you showed up here today to express you struggles or support others. These are wins, and they matter. Let’s celebrate them together.
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