babygirl2123
- Date posted
- 4y
briii🌸briii🌸
- Date posted
- 4y
Me tooo ! I had my first instrusive thought in June . The whole month of Aug I didn’t / wasn’t thinking about it, & it suddenly came back it scary. You just have to constantly stay busy so you don’t ruminate. That’s the problem
kmecroz85kmecroz85
- Date posted
- 4y
Heyyyy! So I've had it off and on for 9 years. I didn't know what it was though until like a year ago. I've come to realize our (at least for me) my first initial bout was soooooo intense. It was really bad. That's what I remember. So I think these little relapses are just PTSD moments for me. I'm afraid of being afraid again. What we have to remember is that we already beat it, we can beat it again. We're equipped to handle it. My issue lately is that it's the first thing I think of when I wake up "I wonder if I'll have an episode today" and then insert an example of a thought. Or like .... I'll see something that used to trigger me and I'll be like, "Look, I'm not triggered anymore" and then boom - insert thought. So, it's like I bring it up bc I'm so used to it. So I'm kind of waiting for this part to pass. Another thing I've realized through my journey is that it's always another obstacle. For a while I was afraid to drive by water in case I'd drive into it to die. That doesn't bother me anymore. If I feel anxious (even if it has nothing to do with HO) I immediately relate it to HO. So, I know this will pass. You've just gotta give yourself some Grace. After all if you stop and TRULY think about it - you're not running from actually doing it - bc you know deep down that really ultimately you have the choice and you know that the likelyhood of you choosing to do something horrific is the same percentage as getting hit by a meteor reading this right now. What we're really running from is the emotion and the thought. I read that in an article and I was like soooooo true! So we know that emotions are only informational tools (see my previous post) as well as thoughts. At the end of the day we still have free will and choice. We will never snap (no one ever snaps - that's a misconception in media - my counselor told me that). So remember that when those thoughts come in and we become afraid and we try to do a compulsion to run from it - you're only validating the emotion and thought - which are actually not even a reflection of who you are. What makes you you is your belief system and actions. Not your emotions and thoughts. It'll get better. We are all recovering together. :) Jeremiah 29:11
babygirl2123babygirl2123
- Date posted
- 4y
Omg thank you so much for taking you’re time to explain things from you’re point of view ! it’s crazy how everything you said i can completely agree too the relapse is just ptsd of having from before 😩 i literally went 3 whole months without got scared that it was to good to be true and BOOM the thoughts are ALL back🥺
kmecroz85kmecroz85
- Date posted
- 4y
You're welcome! My issue today is seriously I keep bringing it up to myself. So the what if thoughts are, "What if you really want to do it, bc you keep bringing it up? What if you just do it so the thoughts stop and you move on?" It's realllllyyyyy stupid. Once you see it for what it is, it'll stop being so controlling. When the PTSD kicks in, just remember you're thinking of a memory. You already beat it, it's over. Don't try to force the feeling away, but just check your surroundings and ground yourself in the moment. It'll pass. This too really will pass. I always say the days seem long but the years are short. I really refuse to live with this any longer. I will no longer let it take time away from me loving my children. I've missed so much from letting fear rule my life. I'm done. Christ has healed me from this, truly He has. Counseling here on NOCD helped too but I'm telling you my faith is what got me through when OCD was at it's worst.
babygirl2123babygirl2123
- Date posted
- 4y
Same here , i started going to church most sundays and prayed and prayed god would make a miracle for me and it help a lot with my ocd as well, but once i got to busy with work i couldn’t go as much and i don’t have it has bad as before but also for my trigger is my daughter when i do get it this time around and scares the living heck out of me! as before i just had the scary thoughts but not toward a specific person
kmecroz85kmecroz85
- Date posted
- 4y
@babygirl2123 Yes, I know. It suckkkssss. You will make it through it though. Just know the thoughts and feelings aren't you. You are in control of your beliefs and control of your actions. Don't be like me, I let it steal so many precious moments from my kiddos bc I was afraid of being afraid around them. So I would keep myself busy or make sure I never had alone time with them. I have missed out on soooo much. I see that now which is another reason I speak up about my journey and try to educate those around me. I refuse to live this way anymore seriously. I'm having moments today and I keep going nope, not today. I also started my period today so I know that's another source for the ocd attack. It is always bad around my cycle. TMI I know - but it's truth.
babygirl2123babygirl2123
- Date posted
- 4y
@kmecroz85 omg same here i’m on my cycle as well Tmi . but its a hugeeeee trigger! seriously thank you for taking you’re time out definitely know im not alone in this
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bradyx20
- Date posted
- 20w
don’t know what’s happening to me
i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I have anxiety about harming other people/family members and it’s like urges and im scared I actually want to do it? I don’t think I’ve ever been violent as a kid (im 21 now) and the intrusive thoughts don’t go away so im just stuck all day everyday for the past few weeks just thinking and being scared about it and im having all these weird emotions like being irritated and angry I don’t want to hurt people I don’t think idk why my mind is making me think I do I’ve had intrusive thoughts before that I could brush away sure it took like a day or two but this one is different it doesn’t go away and leaves me with the worst fear imaginable and nothing I look up that should be giving me relief is giving me relief + I feel like im not in control of my body and that im just gonna lose it and act on these thoughts it’s just all on a loop and im not sure how im supposed to live the rest of my life when im in constant fear of my self
Medicine2021_
- Date posted
- 19w
Suicidal OCD and harm OCD
I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…
laladracu
- Date posted
- 18w
idk if its harm ocd anymore
I dont know whats going on. I dont know if its OCD anymore. I know it was in the beginning. Ive been through a lot of trauma and had one little scary thought of killing my sister 4 months ago that has blossomed into this giant idea of me being a serial killer and wanting to hurt everyone (I never had any social issues growing up but I have had some trauma). Recently I’ve been having urges to just give in. And my mental images have been horrible and I can’t stop checking if I like them or not. I think I’ve convinced myself I have. This morning I woke up a shaking mess with an urge to unalive my family and when my mom left for work I was alone with my sister and couldnt stop vomiting uncontrollably. I dont know if i’m upset because I cant hurt anyone and I want to, or if I’m scared and just want my old life back. I was an avid horror and gore lover and now I’m convinced I want to do the things I’ve seen in the movies. Someone please help. I’m ready to check into the psych ward.
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