Hey All! so ive had harm ocd for 3 years as of now, and at first i would get the thoughts of harming loved ones and then feel sick to my stomach and then snap out of it , but now im catching myself thinking about it for HOURS & its making me think i actually would do it 😒 on the positive note ive has this app deleted for 3 months as i didn’t have harm ocd for that long until when day i thought about it possibly coming back after i felt “ normal “ again and i swear each time it comes back on it feels worse

Me tooo ! I had my first instrusive thought in June . The whole month of Aug I didn’t / wasn’t thinking about it, & it suddenly came back it scary. You just have to constantly stay busy so you don’t ruminate. That’s the problem

Heyyyy! So I've had it off and on for 9 years. I didn't know what it was though until like a year ago. I've come to realize our (at least for me) my first initial bout was soooooo intense. It was really bad. That's what I remember. So I think these little relapses are just PTSD moments for me. I'm afraid of being afraid again. What we have to remember is that we already beat it, we can beat it again. We're equipped to handle it. My issue lately is that it's the first thing I think of when I wake up "I wonder if I'll have an episode today" and then insert an example of a thought. Or like .... I'll see something that used to trigger me and I'll be like, "Look, I'm not triggered anymore" and then boom - insert thought. So, it's like I bring it up bc I'm so used to it. So I'm kind of waiting for this part to pass. Another thing I've realized through my journey is that it's always another obstacle. For a while I was afraid to drive by water in case I'd drive into it to die. That doesn't bother me anymore. If I feel anxious (even if it has nothing to do with HO) I immediately relate it to HO. So, I know this will pass. You've just gotta give yourself some Grace. After all if you stop and TRULY think about it - you're not running from actually doing it - bc you know deep down that really ultimately you have the choice and you know that the likelyhood of you choosing to do something horrific is the same percentage as getting hit by a meteor reading this right now. What we're really running from is the emotion and the thought. I read that in an article and I was like soooooo true! So we know that emotions are only informational tools (see my previous post) as well as thoughts. At the end of the day we still have free will and choice. We will never snap (no one ever snaps - that's a misconception in media - my counselor told me that). So remember that when those thoughts come in and we become afraid and we try to do a compulsion to run from it - you're only validating the emotion and thought - which are actually not even a reflection of who you are. What makes you you is your belief system and actions. Not your emotions and thoughts. It'll get better. We are all recovering together. :) Jeremiah 29:11

You're welcome! My issue today is seriously I keep bringing it up to myself. So the what if thoughts are, "What if you really want to do it, bc you keep bringing it up? What if you just do it so the thoughts stop and you move on?" It's realllllyyyyy stupid. Once you see it for what it is, it'll stop being so controlling. When the PTSD kicks in, just remember you're thinking of a memory. You already beat it, it's over. Don't try to force the feeling away, but just check your surroundings and ground yourself in the moment. It'll pass. This too really will pass. I always say the days seem long but the years are short. I really refuse to live with this any longer. I will no longer let it take time away from me loving my children. I've missed so much from letting fear rule my life. I'm done. Christ has healed me from this, truly He has. Counseling here on NOCD helped too but I'm telling you my faith is what got me through when OCD was at it's worst.