So... I'm afraid that I'm actually a p... ⚠️ [IF YOU HAVE SEXUAL ORIENTATION OCD. PLEASE DON'T READ THIS!! IT WILL BE TRIGGERING] ⚠️ I used to have sexual orientation ocd (which at time I didn't know about) When I was 11, I had intrusive thoughts that I was gay... And it was the same thing as the pocd. It was a on-off situation. Sometimes I thought I was gay and I was terrified of it, other times, it was... 'no. There is no way I'm one'. Same with the first years of pocd. One day, when I was 20, my dad asked me what was my sexuality and I replied "idk. I really don't think about it" (I half lied because I was afraid he'd hate me) but he told me he'd be ok with anything and the weight I carried over the years disappeared... I finally felt I could maybe see if I was gay or not. (at the time I didn't know that sexual orientation ocd was a thing) and that I could be myself and go after woman without guilt. (yes. My parents were the reason I was terrified I was gay) And surprise!! I'm actually gay! And now... There is so much resemblance with pocd! What if I'm actually a p? But the only reason things are holding me down it's because it's seen as a bad thing by society? I have cured myself from incest ocd and zoophila ocd.... But I'm still stuck on pocd... And I'm terrified...

POCD

[Deleted]

Date posted: 4y

Comment deleted by user

myocdstory2

Date posted: 4y

I'm so happy to not be alone in this... ;-; I'm so sorry you are suffering from the same thing... I feel you... I actually am... Sort of asexual as well?? It's complicated... I have levels... My sexuality is fucking weird. I'm very ace but not entirely. I actually have a gf and I'm attracted to her but I feel like I'm asexual a few days and others I'm demi.

myocdstory2

Date posted: 4y

@depressedaf It is!! I'm so sorry for being happy that I found someone like me... It makes me so sad to know you are suffering from the same! But... I'm also happy I'm not alone in this... I'm sorry for being selfish... But not feeling alone helps me greatly.

cheyras

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

That’s the thing, OCD isn’t ALWAYS wrong. It’s just that you get so hyper focused on whether it’s right or not that it’s difficult to take a step back and take in the bigger picture. What I’m about to say may trigger your OCD so don’t read on if your not ready for that. So what if you are one? It’s certainly a possibility, there are people that are attracted to minors, very much a thing that happens at times. So what emotions does that make you feel? Disgust? Shame? Fear? Anxiety? All of the above? The key is to feel those emotions rather than trying to prove them away. As you get comfortable with that uncomfortableness, you will learn to take that step back and get clarity. You will not get that clarity by desperately trying to prove to yourself that everything is fine. “Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.” Feel the pain that comes along with considering the possibility of something so terrible. And then move on with your day. You’re strong and you got this!

myocdstory2

Date posted: 4y

I understand what you mean... I do! Don't get me wrong! My ocd comes after a random thought... Until I was almost 21, I never felt attracted to children. But once a random thought settles in, a whole new world of possibilities opens up. "I never thought about finding children attractive but maybe that's a possibility. What makes me so certain I'm not?" (sighs) I'm terrified that this is so similar to sexual orientation ocd that I'm driving myself to tears... The issue with being a "p' is that I wouldn't be able to live with that truth. I would probably kill myself if I actually am attracted to children.

Anonymous321

Date posted: 4y

Wait no are u saying I’m a p??? I don’t want to be. I have no desire. I’m spiralling. Oh my god I’m so scared

cheyras

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous321 I’m not saying you are, not saying you’re not. What I’m saying is that the only way to help your OCD is to accept that it’s a possibility, live with the possibility, and stop trying to prove to yourself that you are or aren’t, just let the terrifying feelings be there. I know how hard it is. I’ve been there. You’re not alone. Good luck and don’t try and push the scary feelings away. You have OCD so chances are you are a very strong person. You can do this!

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