More than anything in the world I wish I could just STOP thinking about it. To be able to watch a show or read a book and go on social media imagining scenarios or debating whether or not I’m a lesbian. Just to be able to stop thinking about it I would literally trade anything.

It’s the first thing on my mind when I wake up too. I went through a phase of testing to see who I’d rather wake up to. I haven’t done that for a while so now I just waking up thinking about how much I think about my sexuality if that makes sense. Also, this is what makes me think I don’t have OCD - you said you get intrusive thoughts throughout the day. I don’t know whether I get intrusive thoughts or whether I’m just questioning my sexuality. I am just thinking about it literally all day, I don’t think there’s a moment I’m not thinking about it so it’s not like it’s ‘intrusive’ because I’m not thinking of anything else for it to be intrusive if that makes sense. So how can they be ‘intrusive thoughts’? You know what I mean? I also don’t have anxiety anymore and that is confusing too.

@b13 If you think about it, before HOCD, do you think about being straight 24/7? No, of course not. But because of OCD, you're worrying (despite the lack of anxiety) about it all the time. I'm sure people who are actually gay doesn't think about their sexuality all the time.

It’s even worse because I don’t even know if it is OCD. I’m not diagnosed, I have no other themes and I have so much evidence that it’s probably true anyway. I feel like everyone says that but .. yeah idk it feels true for me. I’m so tired of it.

@b13 I have been diagnosed and I still doubt and worry if itʼs OCD or not.

@greenteagirlz I’ve thought about it so many times over the years. Sometimes I think I must not be seeking out a therapist because I know deep down it’s not OCD. So annoying I just wish I knew.