Anonymous
- Date posted
- 3y
ThePureOreoThePureOreo
- Date posted
- 3y
You could be in denial...but before you think “OMG, there’s a possibility I’m in denial”. There’s also a strong possibility you have OCD. Get yourself under the fear. Target what it is you fear, specifically. Once you know that, you can work on ERP for this specifically. I’m scared that I’m letting my parents down by being anything other than straight. Despite telling them numerous times and them telling me they’re not bothered. I’m trying to work on that.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y
That I am Gay and lied to ex girlfriend. But my therapist has said people with PoCD are not pedophiles so if I like them thoughts how can it be OCd and to be told I am not a pedophile. So you could say the same response to that what if I did like the PoCD thoughts
ThePureOreoThePureOreo
- Date posted
- 3y
You’d only have lied, if you knew the answer to the question. If my maths teacher asked me what 1+1 is and I thought the answer was 3, but it could possibly be 2 and I answered “3”, would that mean I lied to them? No, because from what I thought, the answer was 3. Just because what you told someone wasn’t correct, doesn’t mean you lied to them! The real reason isn’t you’re scared of lying to her, you’re scared of her thinking you knew the answer and kept it from her. That’s not the same thing. POCD I haven’t experienced but the principal is the same.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y
I am Leeds fan
ThePureOreoThePureOreo
- Date posted
- 3y
Ahh perfect. So this should make you understand more what I’m saying. What if, I said to you: one day you’ll start having thoughts you should be a Man Utd fan. You’ll then start watching their games and thinking “wow what a team”, maybe even “damn, I wish I’d been a Utd fan and not a Leeds fan”. Then it hits you “I could be a United fan and not known! This whole time I was pretending to be a Leeds fans when actually Utd were my team”, I guarantee you wouldn’t give it two seconds of your time. You’d probably answer the thought with “F U Utd!” Or something like that. Now you don’t need to know 100% you’re not a United fan, because you don’t fear it, if that were the case. I.e being a Utd fan would be perecieved by you as less consequential that being gay or a pedophile, so youre not going to ruminate over it, because there’s no perceived danger there. You’ll probably laugh reading that, but it’s the exact same principle here. It’s the fear response that’s making you think you need a 100% answer you don’t. And I can almost guarantee all the symptoms you’re having are caused/exaggerated by your anxiety and rumiunation!
ThePureOreoThePureOreo
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous When you start to practice not fearing the possibility the thoughts *might* be true...you’ll start to notice you don’t need to know 100%! Consequently, you won’t ruminate on the thoughts and I bet the ED and other symptoms will pass.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y
So are you saying I could act on my PoCD thoughts then??
ThePureOreoThePureOreo
- Date posted
- 3y
Read my message above mate!
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y
But I have been diagnosed with OCD and told I am not and people with OCD are not in denial?? So with my POCD could I be in denial. I have been diagnosed with ocd by over 10 therapists and told this means I am not??
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y
So why are you saying I could be in denial when my therapist have told me this is just OCD and I am not? Are you saying people with OCD could be in denial
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y
I am so confused by your comment as my therapist said this isn’t denial and people with ocd are not in denial
ThePureOreoThePureOreo
- Date posted
- 3y
You’re being to literal. There’s a possibility I could go deaf tomorrow, there’s also a possibility I won’t. The likelyhood is, you’re not. But no one can tell you the answer to that question, you have to accept you won’t know the answer 100%, ever. As I won’t either. What do you truly fear?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y
So why would you say that and my therapist has also said I ain’t gay or bi this is just OCD. I fear I am liking the thoughts and get no dislike from the thoughts of doing it.
ThePureOreoThePureOreo
- Date posted
- 3y
I have never said you are or aren’t, you’re presuming that because people with OCD presume the worst. You need to stop trying to cling onto reassurance (diagnosis) and try to accept every possibility. Every single HOCD thinks like that. So what if you did like the thoughts, what is the fear of that? (I’m not saying you do btw. I’m being hypothetical).
ThePureOreoThePureOreo
- Date posted
- 3y
*sufferer
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y
I really don’t understand what your mean by this could you elaborate. So why are therapists telling me PoCD means I am not a pedophile and I am not Gay then? Are you saying the therapist could be wrong??
ThePureOreoThePureOreo
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m not saying they’re wrong or right, that’s the point. They’re right in the fact you have OCD (more than likely). But you have to accept the worst case scenario COULD be true. A OCD specialist will never tell you “you’re not gay” or they shouldn’t, as that’s reassurance. That’s not saying you are gay, it’s just not saying you’re straight either. Not answering that question doesn’t mean the worst case scenario is true.
ThePureOreoThePureOreo
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous You have to not run away from the fear - avoidance/reassurance-seeking is the reason you’re so latched in this thought.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous So why are my therapist telling me it means I am not that then? And that no one with PoCD and HOCd, harm realised they are killer, gay, pedophile
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y
But all the therapists, books, audios I have read have said this means it’s not true? I even contacted ocd therapists who have said this? So why are also people on here saying it’s not true also
ThePureOreoThePureOreo
- Date posted
- 3y
Read what your original point was. You were basically asking if ED means you don’t have HOCD or your fears are true. I’m saying, it doesn’t have to mean anything at all! Someone who is gay, might be able to get an erection when he’s with a woman for a few seconds - does that mean he’s straight? No, it doesn’t. Someone who’s happily married, with 3 children, can’t get an erection with his wife, despite never having any gay thoughts in the past - does that mean he’s gay? No. In both points, the ED or lack of it, doesn’t have to mean anything about their sexuality whatsoever, it could do, but it probably doesn’t.
ThePureOreoThePureOreo
- Date posted
- 3y
There’s many reasons ED can happen. Sexuality is one of about 10,000. This is what irrational beliefs are.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y
So answer me this then why are my therapist saying I have ocd and I am not Gay then?? Over 10 have said this to me?? Are they wrong?
ThePureOreoThePureOreo
- Date posted
- 3y
Then you’re with the wrong therapist, simple as that. A therapist who knows how to treat OCD should never tell you that you’re not what you fear/you won’t act on your fear because no one knows that for 100%. You’re looking for 100% answers, no one can give you this. Forget this for a moment? Do you watch football/soccer? If so, who do you support?
Related posts
ntr
- Date posted
- 24w
Advice
Hello, im a 21ye old male. All of my life i was always atrscted to girls, even if it was only a hug by a girl i liked i got a boner. I always fantasised about doing fun stuff (not onyl sex) with my gf. Had a gf for almost two years. Two months ago i fell into severe anxiety about my sexuality changing. It happened to me 2 years ago bit then i had my gf and i did not need to worry if i will find a girl i love or will i be able to because i already had her. The toughts were realy intense but they faded and for 2 years i did not experience any doubts or fears about it. Then it happened again in december. For 2-3 weeks i was realy down...constant toughts about doing things with men i never wanted to do, fear that i liked someone, fear of denial...but them bc of getting back with my girlfriend it was okay for three weeks almosf. Then we broke up again and after a few days i had the worst days of my life. I felt like i actually changed, i did not know what to do. Then after a week I went out with a girl and when she laid on me when we wafched a show I got aroused like i always did with my ex. I felt such relief and i could handle my fears and anxiety for almost a month. Then a week ago the fear returned and i am again in a very bad spot, i dont know what else to do, i have no girl that i love, i am afraid i will never be able to experience those same feelings and moment that i had with my ex and then again the toughts of being in denial came back. I dont know what to do. My psychiatrist said i dont have ocd but onyl simptoms and that my anxiety is the proboem. Any one experienced something similar? Thanks
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 20w
Am I even straight anymore?
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
geodrimilis
- Date posted
- 20w
I need this to end.
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond