Went out on a date last night with a girl and couldn’t get an erection and kept going soft. I suffer from HOCD and my therapist said I am not Gay and have oCd. I am so scared right now does medication play a role in this. Could I just be in denial

You’d only have lied, if you knew the answer to the question. If my maths teacher asked me what 1+1 is and I thought the answer was 3, but it could possibly be 2 and I answered “3”, would that mean I lied to them? No, because from what I thought, the answer was 3. Just because what you told someone wasn’t correct, doesn’t mean you lied to them! The real reason isn’t you’re scared of lying to her, you’re scared of her thinking you knew the answer and kept it from her. That’s not the same thing. POCD I haven’t experienced but the principal is the same.

Ahh perfect. So this should make you understand more what I’m saying. What if, I said to you: one day you’ll start having thoughts you should be a Man Utd fan. You’ll then start watching their games and thinking “wow what a team”, maybe even “damn, I wish I’d been a Utd fan and not a Leeds fan”. Then it hits you “I could be a United fan and not known! This whole time I was pretending to be a Leeds fans when actually Utd were my team”, I guarantee you wouldn’t give it two seconds of your time. You’d probably answer the thought with “F U Utd!” Or something like that. Now you don’t need to know 100% you’re not a United fan, because you don’t fear it, if that were the case. I.e being a Utd fan would be perecieved by you as less consequential that being gay or a pedophile, so youre not going to ruminate over it, because there’s no perceived danger there. You’ll probably laugh reading that, but it’s the exact same principle here. It’s the fear response that’s making you think you need a 100% answer you don’t. And I can almost guarantee all the symptoms you’re having are caused/exaggerated by your anxiety and rumiunation!

@Anonymous When you start to practice not fearing the possibility the thoughts *might* be true...you’ll start to notice you don’t need to know 100%! Consequently, you won’t ruminate on the thoughts and I bet the ED and other symptoms will pass.

Read my message above mate!

I’m not saying they’re wrong or right, that’s the point. They’re right in the fact you have OCD (more than likely). But you have to accept the worst case scenario COULD be true. A OCD specialist will never tell you “you’re not gay” or they shouldn’t, as that’s reassurance. That’s not saying you are gay, it’s just not saying you’re straight either. Not answering that question doesn’t mean the worst case scenario is true.

@Anonymous You have to not run away from the fear - avoidance/reassurance-seeking is the reason you’re so latched in this thought.

@Anonymous So why are my therapist telling me it means I am not that then? And that no one with PoCD and HOCd, harm realised they are killer, gay, pedophile

Read what your original point was. You were basically asking if ED means you don’t have HOCD or your fears are true. I’m saying, it doesn’t have to mean anything at all! Someone who is gay, might be able to get an erection when he’s with a woman for a few seconds - does that mean he’s straight? No, it doesn’t. Someone who’s happily married, with 3 children, can’t get an erection with his wife, despite never having any gay thoughts in the past - does that mean he’s gay? No. In both points, the ED or lack of it, doesn’t have to mean anything about their sexuality whatsoever, it could do, but it probably doesn’t.

Then you’re with the wrong therapist, simple as that. A therapist who knows how to treat OCD should never tell you that you’re not what you fear/you won’t act on your fear because no one knows that for 100%. You’re looking for 100% answers, no one can give you this. Forget this for a moment? Do you watch football/soccer? If so, who do you support?