I feel like I have accepted the thought because it feels so deep and it feels like the thought isn’t intrusive. I used the evidence I don’t get attraction but now it feels like it has fully transitioned my feelings.

I had a bad rumination spiral yesterday and went to bed hoping I’d start over in the morning. I was wrong. I had dreams about liking women and not being attracted to men anymore and my entire body has been in a state of anxiety since. I genuinely feel like I’m gay and just need to accept it. I have this urge to accept it. Maybe if I do I’ll get some sort of relief because this feeling is awful. I feel like my brain is telling me that I’ll get relief if I just accept it and come out. The intrusive thoughts don’t even seem to be around sexual images anymore, just to come out.

I keep wondering if I’m attracted to this kid I saw a week ago or not, it keeps happening, I can’t figure it out, what I hope is false attraction is feeling too real, I don’t wan to like the kid, I never wish to like kids, I genuinely feel like I’m just in doubt, I can’t figure it out, it feels weird, I don’t feel any guilt, shame, disgust, or panic, idk why but ik that I’m supposed to feel that, it makes me feel like I’m a real p. I barley get any negative emotion from those thoughts anymore, even when these thoughts started I didn’t feel shame or guilt, but I think I did feel worry and panic, I’m not sure anymore, I don’t remember.

I keep wondering if I’m attracted to this kid I saw a week ago or not, it keeps happening, I can’t figure it out, what I hope is false attraction is feeling too real, I don’t wan to like the kid, I never wish to like kids, I genuinely feel like I’m just in doubt, I can’t figure it out, it feels weird, I don’t feel any guilt, shame, disgust, or panic, idk why but ik that I’m supposed to feel that, it makes me feel like I’m a real p. I barley get any negative emotion from those thoughts anymore, even when these thoughts started I didn’t feel shame or guilt, but I think I did feel worry and panic, I’m not sure anymore, I don’t remember.