I see and OCD specialist and she is on vacation for 2 weeks. When I tell her my thoughts in session, she often asks me what the worst case scenario is and why does it matter if it is true. Typically, I end up deciding that it doesn’t really matter if it’s true. But for some reason with my current obsession it feels like it really matters if it’s true and I don’t have her to talk to about it. I’m wondering if I should post my thought on here so that I can get feedback on the “so what if it’s true” part, but I don’t want to come off as seeking reassurance because I’m not. Thoughts?

my therapist isnt avaible for a this week and this weeks been hell, cant focus, i keep getting stuck in my thoughts, if i predict something will happen and it doesnt, my brain gets stuck on what if it did and then my obession keeps going, i keep trying to not pay attention or let go of my thoughts but feels like im in a trance when the thoughts come up and feels hard to snap out of it. also since my ocd is to the point of disability (despite social security keeps denying me) i cant go out much and my fears have been getting more and more dehabilitating and i dont know how to properly fix it, i dont know the right way to respond to these thoughts, i dont know how to let go, its just been super rough and demoralizing...

Hey all, I’ve been having some ebbs and flows in recovery, but for the most part I’ve really had a lot of improvements in quality of life since starting treatment in 2023. Something that really trips me up is ruminating on my past and looking for “evidence” or “proof” that the things that I’m obsessed with are real and not OCD. I spend quite a lot of time doing this. I wasn’t fully aware I was doing it until recently. Example: that I’m secretly gay and lying to everyone (I’m bi), that I’m a horrible person deep down, that I’ve never actually loved any person including my family, that I have the “wrong” political or religious beliefs. I look for proof in every corner of my past. It makes some sense that I think this way because with my previous therapist, who I saw for 8 years and did not diagnose me with OCD, we would look for evidence and proof that my obsessions are irrational and I learned to deal with them that way. At the time it was a lot of health concern and contamination themes, but I literally learned to ruminate and search for relief. But I just kept getting sicker and sicker until I got diagnosed with OCD. It’s a frustrating compulsion that keeps showing up for me. What if these scary things are true? What if it’s not OCD at all and I’m in denial? Have I lied my way into thinking I have OCD? It’s so hard. Anyway, I’m curious if anyone else has come across this in recovery? Let me know your thoughts and I hope you’re well. ❤️

I’m trying so hard to feel normal again but i cant i keep feeling like im being dramatic and that my symptoms aren’t real and im tricking everyone, even on here i feel like im tricking you all into believing i have OCD when i don’t. Plus all these other types thoughts im having all meshing together its so overwhelming and i dont know what to do. My therapist appointment isnt until next week and idek what shes gonna tell me or if she’ll even think i have OCD. i keep thinking about my other posts on here and wondering if i even meant what i said in them. this is the worst ive ever felt i think i might even be going through depersonalization or derealization but im not even sure about that i dont even know anything about what im really going through cause ive never been given any kind of formal diagnosis its only ever been depression and social anxiety but ive always had a feeling it was more but i keep doubting myself. maybe if anyone wants to look at some of my other posts and tell me what u think in general? or would that be reassurance seeking? i feel like most of my posts might be but im not sure.. IM NOT SURE ABOUT ANYTHING! this is so annoying