- Username
- JaydenBingham
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I struggle more with feeling like God is constantly disappointed and unhappy with me. For years, I have pictured Him with a disapproving frown, shaking His head and arms crossed saying "When is that girl going to get her act together?" I feel that no matter how much I read or pray its never enough. I know now both are part of my OCD. I love God so much. But I don't feel like He loves me back. I believe He does, but I don't feel it very often.
I always worry that I’m not doing enough or I’m just doing something wrong that will cause me to go to hell. I stress over so many different things with that and its horrible. I understand how your feeling. I know alot of the stuff is just OCD. Because what i feel isnt facts. But i think all the time like i wondering if God like “why cant you do more” or “You are being lazy you could do that”.
Yes it’s horrible. I get all these signs that I need to go street preach and then I finally step outside and then feelings go away and then it’s over. And when I lead worship songs I get super fixated on that I need to lift my hands and it drives me crazy and then maybe I will and then it feels like an empty compulsion. I can’t really think of a time that all this mess has really brought about pure fruit. Just cycles of anxiety that make it harder to actually will and do what’s right. It makes me avoid reading the Bible and gets me fixated on some particular thing that often doesn’t even work out anyways. I don’t know what’s true even as I write this. I woke up so anxious today, feeling like these feeling aren’t OCD that there actually the Holy Spirit. And I asked for a sign or two and got them, and now I’m flooded with fear and anxiety and I feel like I’m standing between heaven and hell and it’s so confusing.
I feel like that alot like I never know if im doing things right with God. It makes me avoid reading because I’m scared to get scared. Its honestly is horrible. I see so many other Church leaders being so religious and confident. It makes me worry because im far from confident with my thoughts. They make me so confused and unsure.
I go through this and I still don’t really know how to handle it healthy but some tips are that God loves you and he doesn’t want you to go through what you’re going through. He doesn’t want to condemn you either!
Thank you. I struggling with finding a good balance and it feels I can never find a healthy balance between healthy and unhealthy relationship with this OCD. I know he loves me and understands what im doing through, its just my brain likes to make things so difficult and confusing.
I have a question for other people with Religious OCD or anyone that can help. Is it normal to feel guilty about not praying, worshiping, reading, etc enough? I struggle everyday feeling like I’m not doing enough and i also struggle to feel God’s presence. Like if I’m doing something or just relaxing enjoying myself I get this feeling like I could read right now and do more. I normally read at night before bed because its the time I’m most alone and not around family (I just like the be able to be personal with God) but when i wait till bed i get this feeling that I’m doing something wrong like that i should have done it at a different time and it would be better. And then I start worrying I’m not putting God first when i try to but i alway fall short. I try to pray every time before I eat, pray generally throughout the day and before bed. I try to listen to Christian music when i can but when i chose sometimes to listen to older music even though there isn’t anything wrong with the songs I feel so guilty because I should have listen to Christian music. I also feel guilty when i enjoy a gift or get a paycheck because its like i don’t want to put anything before God and i don’t want to enjoy this thing because its of the world in a way. Its materialistic. I try to read at least a devotional and the verse of the day and any verses that go along with the devotional i try to take to heart. I do that daily unless I absolutely cant i don’t normally miss a day of that ( i know devotions cant replace reading the Bible by yourself. I try to read like more of the Bible daily but reading the Bible itself sometimes triggers me to worry so Im slowly trying to get into more of my own personal study) I’m really lost in what to do. My anxiety was doing better and i was able to feel God. But for a past few months its been dead I don’t know if I’m worrying to much or something. I try to get into the Bible but everything has become so much more stressful because of how much I worry about how I’m doing in my walk as a Christian. Its like i want to feel God and i want to be better so bad but it wont happen. I know i cant earn anything i just don’t know how to do better. I know i could read more everyone could but what if im not doing it right or just not enough heart put into reading. I have tried but im not sure what to do.
Christians and ERP question: My OCD revolves around religion (Christian) and harm, often tying them together with arbitrary scriptures from the Old Testament. My compulsions are usually answering the questionable passages with things that help me resolve the uncertainty of the passage and how it relates to me. My therapist wants me to do exposures of reading these scriptures without finding the answers through research or even my own logic. Just let the question be there. This is so very hard because it threatens to pull my faith out from underneath me if I don’t answer it. Some of the questions are so anxiety-provoking because they are Old Testament laws of wrath and punishment. I know all the Christian answers to these, and I could easily answer it. Sometimes this will bring relief, other times it won’t. So, my challenge is simply not answering it, which then leaves me in a state of deep confusion. Anyways, since these are questions many people have and struggle with that don’t have OCD, I wonder how this can be OCD?? I’ve had OCD in other themes (HoCD, harm ocd), but this just seems so different because they are valid and legit questions and I just want to resolve them! Anybody have any insight into this?
Hi friends, To my fellow christian’s who struggle with OCD. Can you share what you notice to be compulsions for you mentally/physically when it comes to faith? I’m struggling to differentiate what is me and my faith and what is me and the OCD. I don’t have a therapist so just would love some advice. EXAMPLES Iv noticed in myself I think are apart of the OCD: - obsessing over reading the Bible first thing, needing to keep my Bible streak and feeling guilty if I don’t -repeating certain prayers that I think I need to pray to be safe -mentally checking that I still feel connected to God throughout the day
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