So, lately I’ve been having trouble since whenever I care about people, they mean literally everything to me and I just got into a relationship with this really nice guy (for sake of the story, I’ll call him “L”). We really like each other a lot and it’s hard since we’re in a LDR with about 3000 miles away from each other. Something that makes it hard though is the fact that me and him both have a lot of crap to deal with since I’m sick with a chronic illness and have ptsd and his moms dying of stage 4 cancer and he also has ptsd but the difference between him and I is the fact that he takes drugs to be happy, I don’t. I care about him so damn much and I want nothing but the best for him and I want to be there to support him but it’s hard being on the same page about some stuff since he is into partying and taking drugs to numb the pain and I say fight for your right to be happy even if it hurts along the way. He will talk about having a bunch of weed and taking vodka shots (we’re both in high school still btw so that makes it 10x worse) and every time he talks about it my mind goes to he’s gonna die and it will be all my fault and I am trying to convince him to find something not as dangerous or addictive to cope with and find therapy too but he doesn’t want therapy and he thinks that people who need that stuff don’t change. I want our relationship to work out but it’s scaring the crap outta me. He has even talked about maybe using LSD or maybe even mollies in the future since they are “not that bad”. It’s killing me inside and Ik that anyone even without ocd who cares about someone would feel nervous but for me it’s like the end of the world. Does anyone at all have any advice about how to not be as anxious and to maybe make things better for him so he won’t resort to that sorta stuff? 😖😓

I'm sorry what your going through first off, I know how bad this can be. You will start finding relief as you eliminate these behaviors... and I know how tough it will be... this takes work. You know you can't control another person's actions. I know this brings no relief. What will bring relief is begin to remove these compulsions as you can tolerate. Reduce, delay, or stop, this is where you will find relief. I know you care about him, but you need to start working towards stopping the compulsions that are only making you worse, again it takes work and is painful. Stop checking, stop reviewing it, stop analyzing it. There are various techniques and many articles about rumination and how to stop, chip away at it. This may jump from theme to theme throughout your life. Also reduce and eliminate the outward physical compulsions that temporarily make you feel better. Reduce, delay, stop them. I wish there was an easy fix. Know you are not alone, many of us are suffering along side you. You can fully recover from this and I wish you luck.

How true does this ring with you?... you mentally review the situation, you try to solve the problem, you run scenarios in your head, you feel like you can't stop thinking about it.

Yes im sorry, I do the same things about my own topics. It seems like you have a mental compulsion to ruminate, constantly checking maybe texting and calling him to often, do you have any outward compulsions? Like ritals you do physically?

I used to drink and smoke alot in high school and ditched so much class, I eventually grew out of it and realized how destructive it was for my life. It was liberating from the stress of my life at the time but doesn't mean it was healthy. I'm 23 now and completely sober. You can not change him and will not be able to convince him, it's only something he will be able to do on his own.

Please focus on your life in person, long distance relationships shouldn't be your entire world when you're in high school . I've done that before. Be free, find someone to love and enjoy and be healthy with you in person. If you and your long distance guy is meant to work you can connect after high school when you can actually travel .

Logic does not work with OCD, your basically asking her not to be obsessed with her specific obsession. I'm sure you mean well but I doubt her OCD is going to just flip a switch and say, ah ok let's move on now. If it did it would likely latch on to something else in short order. If we could all follow the natural path of logic and let go we wouldn't be on here. Begin to learn the tools that can potentially help you for a lifetime