- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm sorry what your going through first off, I know how bad this can be. You will start finding relief as you eliminate these behaviors... and I know how tough it will be... this takes work. You know you can't control another person's actions. I know this brings no relief. What will bring relief is begin to remove these compulsions as you can tolerate. Reduce, delay, or stop, this is where you will find relief. I know you care about him, but you need to start working towards stopping the compulsions that are only making you worse, again it takes work and is painful. Stop checking, stop reviewing it, stop analyzing it. There are various techniques and many articles about rumination and how to stop, chip away at it. This may jump from theme to theme throughout your life. Also reduce and eliminate the outward physical compulsions that temporarily make you feel better. Reduce, delay, stop them. I wish there was an easy fix. Know you are not alone, many of us are suffering along side you. You can fully recover from this and I wish you luck.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much, I really needed to hear that and I appreciate the advice you gave me! I will make sure to try what you suggested and see if that helps me more 😄👍
- Date posted
- 4y
How true does this ring with you?... you mentally review the situation, you try to solve the problem, you run scenarios in your head, you feel like you can't stop thinking about it.
- Date posted
- 4y
That is literally me, tbh I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for like 5 days in a row
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes im sorry, I do the same things about my own topics. It seems like you have a mental compulsion to ruminate, constantly checking maybe texting and calling him to often, do you have any outward compulsions? Like ritals you do physically?
- Date posted
- 4y
Yea, I have to always adjust my clothing, I have to tear at the skin of my lip & rip my nails off when I’m nervous, I always have to blink and move multiple times until it feels right, and I have to check everything around my room since I tell myself that if I don’t than either a huge spider will get in and hurt me or someone could be stalking me and maybe hurt/ kill me or my family. There’s more that I could get into but those are the basics 😅
- Date posted
- 4y
I used to drink and smoke alot in high school and ditched so much class, I eventually grew out of it and realized how destructive it was for my life. It was liberating from the stress of my life at the time but doesn't mean it was healthy. I'm 23 now and completely sober. You can not change him and will not be able to convince him, it's only something he will be able to do on his own.
- Date posted
- 4y
I also did lsd, did Molly, and cocaine for "fun". It is an escape. All drugs feel fun, but its not healthy nor productive. You won't convince him otherwise, he will eventually see for himself. It's also dangerous if you get caught with these drugs. Each lsd tablet is a felony, a bag that's empty but /had/ cocaine in it is a felony. Marijuana is terrible for the development of teenage brains, it's okay for adults. Some of the kids i partied with in high school have gone to jail for things that happened while they were high. Addiction tricks you in to thinking you're not an addict. I was never an "addict" like the other kids I never did as much as them, but that doesn't mean I wasn't addicted to the happy escape from reality. Because it's "not that bad" and ur not "hooked" but the truth is regular people don't look forward to having fun being drunk, high, and tripping. They look forward to romance, vacations, adrenaline, new careers ect.
- Date posted
- 4y
@whatadooo As a result I never joined clubs, my grades suffered, my relationship with my parents was dented, i dated toxic boyfriends that got high with me and, and I didn't make meaningful friendships for my adult life. I don't talk to 95% of the kids I got high with anymore. I never realized this while I was going through it. I blamed all my short comings on my depression and other external factors.
- Date posted
- 4y
Please focus on your life in person, long distance relationships shouldn't be your entire world when you're in high school . I've done that before. Be free, find someone to love and enjoy and be healthy with you in person. If you and your long distance guy is meant to work you can connect after high school when you can actually travel .
- Date posted
- 4y
Logic does not work with OCD, your basically asking her not to be obsessed with her specific obsession. I'm sure you mean well but I doubt her OCD is going to just flip a switch and say, ah ok let's move on now. If it did it would likely latch on to something else in short order. If we could all follow the natural path of logic and let go we wouldn't be on here. Begin to learn the tools that can potentially help you for a lifetime
- Date posted
- 4y
If only it was simple, but no matter how hard I try I always need something else to fill that void. But also, he is such a sweetheart, I like him so much. Since he’s dealing with a lot in his life and since we want to be here for eachother, I won’t be able to just wait, he means too much to me at this point
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ashrosè825 But I do get your point whatadooo so thanks for the advice, I can always try and hope that it works but until then I will just try to be there for him no matter how hard life gets
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Hi, friends. I apologize in advance because this is going to be a long one. Friends and family have tried to help and give me advice, but they don’t truly understand how OCD/ROCD disrupts me from thinking logically. Quick back story: I was in a relationship for 10 years with a guy who I liked enough, but was never truly “in love” with. We bought a house together and everything. I broke up with him in January 2024 after learning that he had been lying to me and hiding multiple substance addictions throughout our relationship. He was also a compulsive liar. Needless to say, I was left in shambles with a ton of trust issues and a mortgage that I couldn’t afford alone. Flash forward to October 2024: I was unexpectedly setup by someone and ended up going on a date with a divorced 38 year old, I’m 30 for reference. Neither of us expected it to go anywhere and we were both the first person the other dated since ending their previous relationship/marriage. Plot twist….I fell absolutely in love with this man. I mean, getting excited to go to bed because I knew when I woke up I could talk to him again in love (🤮). Lame, I know. He said he loved me very quickly after a night of drinking, but the next day made it clear that “I know I was drunk, but I know what I said and I meant it.” Things progressed, we spent a lot of time together very quickly and there were a lot of big feelings. Things were fantastic and I felt like I was living in a movie. Now, here we are 5 months later. I’ve learned that he is definitely an avoidant, which is tough because I have an anxious attachment style. He’s stopped saying the cute things he said in the beginning, and I know that people will say that was the “honeymoon phase” but I still feel just as happy and excited to be around him as I was in the beginning. He’s been pulling away and said that he does love me and wants to be with me, but he needs to work on himself first. I ended up breaking down and telling him everything I was feeling and everything that was upsetting me. He was taken back, but said that he hears me and that everything I’ve said is extremely valid. He said he didn’t realize that I felt that way and he’s sorry. We took a few days to collect our thoughts and process, finally seeing each other again last Friday. When we saw each other we had an open and honest talk. He said that he has noticed that he’s repeating things he’s done in past relationships and that he doesn’t want to do that with me, he doesn’t want to lose me. He said he wants to be together and that he sees a future with me, but he just needs a minute before he can “fully commit” I.e. introduce me to any more of his friends and family. I’m completely lost. I want to be with him more than anything. I respect that he recognizes a pattern and his detrimental behavior and I’m willing to meet him where he is. But at the same time, should I have to try so hard for someone to love me? I don’t want to lose him, but I cannot lose myself again either. I’m torn between “the right person will do what it takes to be with you” and “if they aren’t giving you what you need, walk away”… I know this is long, but if you made it this far, any and all advice would be extremely appreciated. Thank you!!
- Date posted
- 17w
Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hey everyone. I hope you all are doing okay. I’m currently struggling in the worse way I have through the course of my relationship. We are doing long distance right now, and I am unfortunately in the worse place I have been in. The uncertainty is absolutely unbearable. He is doing a cool new, consuming job 7 hours a way. He loves it, but I fear him loving the job so much that he stops caring about me. I have definitely noticed a shift in the amount of time he texts me and the energy he can give to the relationship. The job actually started off with 2 weeks of no phone. He has it again now though. We saw each other a couple of days ago in person for the last time we would in about two months. I was okayish when we were in person though I knew I would spiral later. And spiral I did. He left and I broke down. I am worried I will lose him. I start a really intensive EMT program in a week. It will be all-consuming for me. I can’t sleep very much and I don’t feel like eating. I know it’s pathetic. I am constantly consumed by these fears. I think I know what I need to do to combat them. Accept uncertainty but it feels like the possibly of it ending feels more real than ever. And I literally can NOT stop thinking about it. My brain feels in danger!!! I just worry that bad stuff is actually happening. I think we are going through a rough patch, but I also just feel more alone than ever. Drowning in my mind. What do I believe? I have a past of ocd, so it wouldn’t be surprised if it’s getting intertwined. Most people would say: it’s okay to ask him for reassurance about the relationship!!! But I feel like that’s the trap for me. I don’t know how to move forward. I know things are tough for us right now. But I’ve been floating back and forth on a spectrum of well maybe I just have trust to maybe this literally won’t work out!!! Texting and communicating over text is really hard for me. I am constantly analyzing it: how much energy is he giving? How much energy am I giving? Well I don’t want to do all the emotional labor, and be the main texter. But I also don’t care about texting that much and get exhausted with this back and forth.
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