So, lately I’ve been having trouble since whenever I care about people, they mean literally everything to me and I just got into a relationship with this really nice guy (for sake of the story, I’ll call him “L”). We really like each other a lot and it’s hard since we’re in a LDR with about 3000 miles away from each other. Something that makes it hard though is the fact that me and him both have a lot of crap to deal with since I’m sick with a chronic illness and have ptsd and his moms dying of stage 4 cancer and he also has ptsd but the difference between him and I is the fact that he takes drugs to be happy, I don’t. I care about him so damn much and I want nothing but the best for him and I want to be there to support him but it’s hard being on the same page about some stuff since he is into partying and taking drugs to numb the pain and I say fight for your right to be happy even if it hurts along the way. He will talk about having a bunch of weed and taking vodka shots (we’re both in high school still btw so that makes it 10x worse) and every time he talks about it my mind goes to he’s gonna die and it will be all my fault and I am trying to convince him to find something not as dangerous or addictive to cope with and find therapy too but he doesn’t want therapy and he thinks that people who need that stuff don’t change. I want our relationship to work out but it’s scaring the crap outta me. He has even talked about maybe using LSD or maybe even mollies in the future since they are “not that bad”. It’s killing me inside and Ik that anyone even without ocd who cares about someone would feel nervous but for me it’s like the end of the world. Does anyone at all have any advice about how to not be as anxious and to maybe make things better for him so he won’t resort to that sorta stuff? 😖😓

Hi, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been struggling for the past month, it’s been a mix of ocd flare ups and depressive episodes. I recently got into a new relationship, one I was not expecting at all as I had just broken up with my long term boyfriend over the summer and was expecting the cycle of being alone for a few years and then dating again. But anyways, my current boyfriend is amazing and so caring and sweet, I told him before we even started dating about my ocd and how I sometimes need constant reassurance and that it can be a lot to deal with it and that I can become clingy and annoying and he didn’t even bat an eye, he just said he likes me as I am and that he will be able to help and support me. We’re dating long distance rn as I’m finishing up college but we constantly text and video chat/call almost every night. My ocd has been constantly gnawing at that and it’s causing my abandonment issues to flare up horribly, I’ve told him a little bit about my ex boyfriend as he was not a very good person, he was much older than me (12 years) and at the start of our relationship he was amazing and said he could deal with my mental health issues (I know no one is obligated at all) but I would communicate to him that it scares me when he doesn’t talk to me for weeks at a time, and at first he said he would try to be better about that but then it turned into him saying I’m annoying and clingy and that I bother him and that he just wants alone time but during that alone time I wouldn’t hear from him at all for two weeks. He also stopped caring about my interests and said I was annoying when I would talk about them and would even get mad when I tried to talk about my day. Anyways being in this new relationship has caused me to fear that my current boyfriend is going to leave me, lost interest in me or that he’s annoyed with me and hates me, which unfortunately has caused me to give into my compulsion of reassurance so I’ve been asking him a lot “do you still like me?” “We’re still together right?” “Have I annoyed you?” And I hate myself for doing that. He is so sweet and I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to drain him, i genuinely have never felt this way about anyone I’ve dated but it’s like he was meant to be in my life and we clicked instantly like it felt like we’ve known each other forever and I don’t want to lose him. My avoidance is getting bad and I’m trying to stop myself from pushing him away but I just feel so guilty and ughhhh it’s so frustrating. I just don’t know how to handle this, I want to be with him and I want to make him happy but I hate that my brain works this way.

Some of this isn't about ocd. But it causes a lot of ocd problems. And what I'm asking you for is your opinion and what you would do in this situation. So my boyfriend chooses porn over me a lot. He's a hurt teenager and he's went through a lot. Child abuse. Cocsa. Drunk parents. Split parents. He has about 10 siblings and generally has went through so much. But he has a serious porn problem. Which is concerning especially the fact we are teenagers, and he's dating me. In no way whatsoever am I leaving him. Although I need people's opinions. I've communicated about the problem. I've told him how it makes me feel so shit and hurt. And I feel insecure. But what he does is he just stops telling me if he watches is, but then I can tell from his change of behavior and the lying hurts more. And everytime he tells me he's going home (we are long distancced) I INSTANTLY panick, I beg to call him. I try to distract him. I beg him not to watch porn. And it's so damaging me. And I hate it so much but I love him so much and I know he doesn't want to hurt me. And. Sometimes it feels like when he says "I love you" and stuff, it feels like it's not coming from the heart. For example if you where in school and your fellow classmate got forced by a teacher to apologize to you. You would obviously know the class mate doesn't mean it. But there just saying it. That's how I feel with my boyfriend. It feels like I'm forcing him to say he loves me. Like I'm forcing him to talk to me. It's been half a year now we have been together. He crys if I ever bring up leaving him, and I don't wanna leave him. I feel like I've done EVERYTHING to fix this. Yet I'm STUCK. so please. If anyone has any ideas I can try I will. Or any opinions, or even harsh truths. You can be mean. Anything. Thank you so much.

Hi, friends. I apologize in advance because this is going to be a long one. Friends and family have tried to help and give me advice, but they don’t truly understand how OCD/ROCD disrupts me from thinking logically. Quick back story: I was in a relationship for 10 years with a guy who I liked enough, but was never truly “in love” with. We bought a house together and everything. I broke up with him in January 2024 after learning that he had been lying to me and hiding multiple substance addictions throughout our relationship. He was also a compulsive liar. Needless to say, I was left in shambles with a ton of trust issues and a mortgage that I couldn’t afford alone. Flash forward to October 2024: I was unexpectedly setup by someone and ended up going on a date with a divorced 38 year old, I’m 30 for reference. Neither of us expected it to go anywhere and we were both the first person the other dated since ending their previous relationship/marriage. Plot twist….I fell absolutely in love with this man. I mean, getting excited to go to bed because I knew when I woke up I could talk to him again in love (🤮). Lame, I know. He said he loved me very quickly after a night of drinking, but the next day made it clear that “I know I was drunk, but I know what I said and I meant it.” Things progressed, we spent a lot of time together very quickly and there were a lot of big feelings. Things were fantastic and I felt like I was living in a movie. Now, here we are 5 months later. I’ve learned that he is definitely an avoidant, which is tough because I have an anxious attachment style. He’s stopped saying the cute things he said in the beginning, and I know that people will say that was the “honeymoon phase” but I still feel just as happy and excited to be around him as I was in the beginning. He’s been pulling away and said that he does love me and wants to be with me, but he needs to work on himself first. I ended up breaking down and telling him everything I was feeling and everything that was upsetting me. He was taken back, but said that he hears me and that everything I’ve said is extremely valid. He said he didn’t realize that I felt that way and he’s sorry. We took a few days to collect our thoughts and process, finally seeing each other again last Friday. When we saw each other we had an open and honest talk. He said that he has noticed that he’s repeating things he’s done in past relationships and that he doesn’t want to do that with me, he doesn’t want to lose me. He said he wants to be together and that he sees a future with me, but he just needs a minute before he can “fully commit” I.e. introduce me to any more of his friends and family. I’m completely lost. I want to be with him more than anything. I respect that he recognizes a pattern and his detrimental behavior and I’m willing to meet him where he is. But at the same time, should I have to try so hard for someone to love me? I don’t want to lose him, but I cannot lose myself again either. I’m torn between “the right person will do what it takes to be with you” and “if they aren’t giving you what you need, walk away”… I know this is long, but if you made it this far, any and all advice would be extremely appreciated. Thank you!!