Hi everyone! Does anyone else have a hard time being kind to their partner (or in my case, ex) because they’re scared they don’t “deserve“ it? My partner and I were together for almost 4 years and broke up a few months ago. It’s been really difficult but we’re in the process of trying to maintain a friendship. We were each other’s best friends for years and neither of us want to lose that. Anyway, I’ve mentioned this so many times by now but most of my ROCD is always partner-focused. Is he a bad person? What if he’s cheating? Is he lying? Etc, etc. He did mess up many times in our relationship but we worked through it all. But something that has always been really difficult for me, is showing kindness or doing something nice for him. It always brings me SO much anxiety, and I start wondering “what if I’m doing this nice thing for him, and he’s cheating on me?” Or doesn’t deserve my kindness in some way. It just happened again. He had a rough weekend, and so I sent him a kind message just to be supportive and let him know I was here if he needed to talk and even after we’re broken up, now I’m still having anxious thoughts like “what if I’m still being kind to him, and he lied about this or that while we were together?!” Or “what if I’m being kind to him and he was in the wrong in this situation and doesn’t deserve kindness” It’s really messing me up. I don’t believe that “bad people” exists. I believe people do bad things and everyone deserves compassion and love. I just can’t stop feeling anxious when I feel like I’m going above and beyond for someone, if it’s going to make me look/feel like a fool in the future. Hopefully that makes some sense! Thanks for reading 💕

Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.

Hey, I really need your opinion – I think I might be struggling with Relationship OCD, and these thoughts are driving me crazy. I’ve been officially diagnosed with OCD, and I believe I also have ROCD. My obsessive thoughts often focus on one specific girl from my boyfriend’s past. She had messaged him a few times, and I think she liked him – but he never liked her back. He barely knew her, never found her attractive, and never wanted anything with her. She’s just a good friend of his best friend – not an ex or anything like that. He told me that he happened to be in the same group as her a couple of times – once at a birthday party and once at a fair – just because his best friend brought her along. He made it clear several times that she’s not his type at all, neither in looks nor in personality. He described her as someone who likes to go out and party a lot, and said that’s just not what he’s into. He also said he didn’t ask about her – these things were mentioned to him before our relationship. Almost all of this happened before we met – except for one thing: the fair. That was just one day before our second date, back when we had just started getting to know each other. She was with his friend group that night. He said he only said hi and bye to her, nothing more. The next day, when we met again, we were talking about his friends’ heights. He casually mentioned that his friend was the same height as that girl – 1.70 m. Ever since, I keep wondering: If she meant nothing to him, why did he even talk about her? Or did he actually talk to her that night, even though he said he didn’t? I know he said they barely exchanged a word, but somehow he still knew that detail. I just find that strange. Another example: He once said she was “kind of slutty.” Then, one or two months later, when I brought it up again, he said he didn’t know if she was or not, and that he didn’t care at all. That really confused me. I keep wondering: Why did he say something like that in the first place if he supposedly doesn’t care about her? I also notice this really frustrating cycle: When I talk to him about something that doesn’t make sense to me, I feel brief relief. But then, almost immediately, another thought or detail pops up that feels “off” again – and I feel like I have to bring that up, too. I can’t tolerate the uncertainty. It’s like an endless loop. These little “inconsistencies” – or what I perceive as inconsistencies – make me spiral, even though I do believe he’s being honest with me. I want to trust him. But I have this constant urge to bring up every little thing that doesn’t feel logically right. Every detail stays in my head for days, and it’s really hard not to talk about it. Does this sound like Relationship OCD to you? Do any of you go through this constant analyzing and doubt? I’d really appreciate your thoughts. I’m slowly ruining my own relationship.. Today, for the first time, my partner cried because of it .. I didn’t know how to deal with my thoughts, and seeing him like that made me realize that I really need to change something. Anything that doesn’t make sense to me feels unbearable. And as soon as I talk about one thing, the next thought comes into my head, something else that doesn’t make sense and leaves me feeling uncertain again. I honestly feel extremely helpless right now.. Just as a side note: I was officially diagnosed with ROCD in a previous relationship, not with my current partner, but in a past one.

A few weeks ago i was reminiscing about my past. Like friendships and relationships. And then I realized that I thought about my ex, I shouldn’t have done that, especially if i’m in a committed relationship. Now I’ve been obsessing over that and having constant anxiety if i’m not truly over my Ex. It sucks because I fully love and commit to my boyfriend. And I can’t go through the day without feeling like i’m wasting his time. I’ve had so many cycles of anxiety and I don’t think all of it has gone away. First it was “i thought someone else was attractive” to “what if i don’t love him anymore” to “what if he doesn’t love me anymore” and now it’s this. What can I do? I don’t know if i should just end the relationship for my boyfriend’s mental heath at this point.