- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
That made perfect sense! My last relationship was all over the place to be honest, I think he had some issues as well. I was constantly questioning if he was the one, I was nit picky, and I was always monitoring how I felt and how I "should have" felt in situations. But something I also felt was like you! When I was kind of annoyed with him or even my intrusive thoughts about him, I would be like "oh he doesn't deserve physical intimacy so I'm not going to give it to him." It made me so confused, because tbh I loved the intimacy with him, but my thoughts were telling me he didn't deserve it. Thanks for sharing, your story made me feel less alone 💗
- Date posted
- 4y
This makes 10000% sense to me, it is exactly what I struggle with. What I will say is doing ERP has helped this TREMENDOUSLY. It has calmed down the intrusive thoughts so I now have access to the same kind of love and compassion I have for others. And so my thinking doesn't go into the "do they or do they not deserve kindness?" place. Instead all of that feels just really irrelevant. I'm not triggered, I can just be present and loving. It is truly amazing and I did not think this was possible. Could not have done it without ERP. Have you tried ERP at all? Curious your experiences with it if you have. Don't give up! I have struggled with this for 20 something years and it is finally changing. It can change for you too!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Hi everyone. Definitely not feeling great these past couple days. I struggle with ROCD and have been trying to navigate that for a long time. I have a relationship that means a lot to me with a boyfriend that is extremely special and kind and we laugh together so much and it really is the best. However, there are some times where he has been destructive, not in a serious way, but just as a coping mechanism, like drinking, and going out with friends. I think for me, I come from a childhood where one of my parents struggles with drinking, and I know how much of a toll I can put on the family. Me and my boyfriend are not there, but I definitely project a lot of these things onto him and it really fuels my ROCD. He really started doing this more in our relationship once his mom passed away very suddenly almost a year ago. I think I’m starting to become nervous because the anniversary of her death is next month, and I can sort of feel myself starting to self sabotage. I’m kind of nitpicking certain things, miss reading his moods, and things like that. I can definitely tell that it’s just me trying to protect my fear of abandonment. But I’m just really having a hard time because I’m so scared that things are gonna be hard again, we went through a lot when she first died. Our relationship has grown so much since she did, and we’re at a very good place. I did feel myself starting a fight last night, and that just made this morning feel pretty terrible. If anyone has experienced something similar, that would be helpful. Please be kind, I think I just need some grace right now and some hope I guess.
- Date posted
- 23w
Hi everyone — just reaching out for a bit of support, perspective, and maybe some guidance. I was in a relationship with someone who had untreated ROCD, and I’m trying to process it all now that we’re apart. I’ve written my experience below, not to vent, but to better understand what happened and how to handle it with compassion (for both of us). I was in a relationship with someone who struggled deeply with OCD and ROCD, though they weren’t in treatment at the time. From the outside, things looked fine. But behind closed doors, I witnessed spirals, dissociation, identity shifts, panic, and emotional instability that few people ever saw. We both knew about the disorder. It wasn’t hidden. They even spoke about ROCD through awareness posts online. We knew what it was — we named it together — but knowing wasn’t enough to stop it. And unfortunately, the people around them didn’t fully understand OCD, ROCD, or just how powerful and persuasive this disorder can be. There was real love between us. Deep, honest, complicated love. And a connection that existed long before we ever became a couple — a connection I still believe in. But fear and doubt — the kind only OCD can generate — made everything feel unsafe. The anxiety got so loud that eventually, breaking up felt like the only option. Despite OCD or not, I’ve respected their decision and given them the space I know they needed and were entitled to. They shared a lot with me — things I won’t repeat here, because they’re theirs. But they were raw. Honest. Human. I was the one who sat through the “I don’t know” spirals. The doubts over feelings, attraction, and more. I was their rock — the one who understood. And they told me that, more than once. Now I’m sitting in the quiet. I’m seeing the avoidance play out: the nights out, the thriving energy, maybe even someone new. It’s hard — hard to witness such a visible shift in someone I was once so close to. But I’ve also seen the cracks. The internal conflict starting to show again. I know how this pattern works. I’ve lived it, too. The relief never lasts forever. Eventually, when it fades, the absence lingers longer. And when it does, OCD doesn’t stay silent for long — it latches onto the very things you tried to run from and reshapes itself. I know that if I reach out too soon — or say the wrong thing at the wrong time — I might push them even deeper into avoidance. Deeper into the version of themselves for now. So I’m careful. That’s why even this post is written with thought. Because I care. I really care. And in the meantime, I’m working on myself — even if part of me still wants to fight for something that felt real. But I also know I can’t fight alone. I’m not shutting the door — just stepping into another room for now. A room where I can grow and heal. But the door is still open. I’d appreciate any guidance or advice on how to approach this in the kindest, most thoughtful way — with as little hurt for either of us as possible. Thank you all so much and I wish all of you are keeping well. Lots of love ❤️
- Date posted
- 17w
Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.
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