- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
That made perfect sense! My last relationship was all over the place to be honest, I think he had some issues as well. I was constantly questioning if he was the one, I was nit picky, and I was always monitoring how I felt and how I "should have" felt in situations. But something I also felt was like you! When I was kind of annoyed with him or even my intrusive thoughts about him, I would be like "oh he doesn't deserve physical intimacy so I'm not going to give it to him." It made me so confused, because tbh I loved the intimacy with him, but my thoughts were telling me he didn't deserve it. Thanks for sharing, your story made me feel less alone 💗
- Date posted
- 4y
This makes 10000% sense to me, it is exactly what I struggle with. What I will say is doing ERP has helped this TREMENDOUSLY. It has calmed down the intrusive thoughts so I now have access to the same kind of love and compassion I have for others. And so my thinking doesn't go into the "do they or do they not deserve kindness?" place. Instead all of that feels just really irrelevant. I'm not triggered, I can just be present and loving. It is truly amazing and I did not think this was possible. Could not have done it without ERP. Have you tried ERP at all? Curious your experiences with it if you have. Don't give up! I have struggled with this for 20 something years and it is finally changing. It can change for you too!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.
- Date posted
- 12w
Hey, I really need your opinion – I think I might be struggling with Relationship OCD, and these thoughts are driving me crazy. I’ve been officially diagnosed with OCD, and I believe I also have ROCD. My obsessive thoughts often focus on one specific girl from my boyfriend’s past. She had messaged him a few times, and I think she liked him – but he never liked her back. He barely knew her, never found her attractive, and never wanted anything with her. She’s just a good friend of his best friend – not an ex or anything like that. He told me that he happened to be in the same group as her a couple of times – once at a birthday party and once at a fair – just because his best friend brought her along. He made it clear several times that she’s not his type at all, neither in looks nor in personality. He described her as someone who likes to go out and party a lot, and said that’s just not what he’s into. He also said he didn’t ask about her – these things were mentioned to him before our relationship. Almost all of this happened before we met – except for one thing: the fair. That was just one day before our second date, back when we had just started getting to know each other. She was with his friend group that night. He said he only said hi and bye to her, nothing more. The next day, when we met again, we were talking about his friends’ heights. He casually mentioned that his friend was the same height as that girl – 1.70 m. Ever since, I keep wondering: If she meant nothing to him, why did he even talk about her? Or did he actually talk to her that night, even though he said he didn’t? I know he said they barely exchanged a word, but somehow he still knew that detail. I just find that strange. Another example: He once said she was “kind of slutty.” Then, one or two months later, when I brought it up again, he said he didn’t know if she was or not, and that he didn’t care at all. That really confused me. I keep wondering: Why did he say something like that in the first place if he supposedly doesn’t care about her? I also notice this really frustrating cycle: When I talk to him about something that doesn’t make sense to me, I feel brief relief. But then, almost immediately, another thought or detail pops up that feels “off” again – and I feel like I have to bring that up, too. I can’t tolerate the uncertainty. It’s like an endless loop. These little “inconsistencies” – or what I perceive as inconsistencies – make me spiral, even though I do believe he’s being honest with me. I want to trust him. But I have this constant urge to bring up every little thing that doesn’t feel logically right. Every detail stays in my head for days, and it’s really hard not to talk about it. Does this sound like Relationship OCD to you? Do any of you go through this constant analyzing and doubt? I’d really appreciate your thoughts. I’m slowly ruining my own relationship.. Today, for the first time, my partner cried because of it .. I didn’t know how to deal with my thoughts, and seeing him like that made me realize that I really need to change something. Anything that doesn’t make sense to me feels unbearable. And as soon as I talk about one thing, the next thought comes into my head, something else that doesn’t make sense and leaves me feeling uncertain again. I honestly feel extremely helpless right now.. Just as a side note: I was officially diagnosed with ROCD in a previous relationship, not with my current partner, but in a past one.
- Date posted
- 6w
A few weeks ago i was reminiscing about my past. Like friendships and relationships. And then I realized that I thought about my ex, I shouldn’t have done that, especially if i’m in a committed relationship. Now I’ve been obsessing over that and having constant anxiety if i’m not truly over my Ex. It sucks because I fully love and commit to my boyfriend. And I can’t go through the day without feeling like i’m wasting his time. I’ve had so many cycles of anxiety and I don’t think all of it has gone away. First it was “i thought someone else was attractive” to “what if i don’t love him anymore” to “what if he doesn’t love me anymore” and now it’s this. What can I do? I don’t know if i should just end the relationship for my boyfriend’s mental heath at this point.
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