i keep checking and doing compulsions related to pocd so i am kind of relieved at least. i know i don’t find little girls attractive and that’s my obsession and intrusive thoughts speaking and trying to influence me. i’m not afraid of being near kids as i’m certain i wouldn’t do anything to harm them, but the back of my mind says ‘no, you just wanna be near kids, sicko.’ my minds been going from ‘oh god im a pedo’ to ‘oh god i’m not a pedo why do i have these thoughts’ can anyone relate? i do not want to be the only one going through this. i do not want to be a pedo.

I'm 14m n I hope I have pocd and I've never got a official diagnosis, a lot of times I get what I hope is false attraction when I see certain kinds of kids, not all kids cause it, only some of them do, I'm worried that's a sign of actual acttraction, today I saw a reel on insta n it had some 8 year old kid in it, I felt what I hope is false attraction but it felt too real, I initially scrolled past it but I scrolled back idk why and watched the full reel with the kid in it, I really hope it was false attraction and not real, I don't understand why I scrolled back onto the reel, I don't think I should have done that, I'm worried it's actual attraction, just this past week I've met a girl my age whom I knew I was into, I don't get why this stuff is happening to me, but I don't want to be a pedo n I wanna be able to have a relationship with that girl I met. Also today I went to see a therapist for the first time and I described this situation and what I hope is false attraction, my therapist told me that feelings are just feelings unless you act on them, now I'm worried she was saying that I am attracted to kids but I'm just not acting on it, like I said, I really hope I'm not a pedo and that I hope I'm able to have a relationship with a girl my age but now I'm doubting myself so much, I'm starting to believe that I am just a pedo in denial, I don't understand what's happening with me anymore, I can't stand it all anymore. I've also never gotten a official diagnosis.

TW So I haven’t been diagnosed with pocd, but many ppl said that I have it. I was in bed when I remembered this time when I first started experiencing what I hope is false attraction not actual pedophilia, I’m looking back on it rn n I’m worried it wasn’t false attraction, I remember feeling a sense of attraction when I saw that kid, I was about14 at the time and the kid was 11 or 12. I remember constantly searching to see if it was normal for a 14 year old to like a 12 or 11 year old, I was worried when I was doing that i think, I also kept walking pass her to look at her i think to check if i was attracted or not, but it makes me worried that I was attracted to her because im worried that i did it bc i was actually attracted. now looking back on it rn, I don’t feel panic, worry, shame, or guilt, I originally only felt panic and worry, never shame or guilt. Now I don’t feel any of it, not feeling panic and worry now makes me think that I am a p, I don’t want to be a p. I hope im not a p, Ive talked to a therapist and they’ve said that it’s pocd, but it wasn’t a official diagnosis, I’m worried it was a false diagnosis because I lied on one or two of the questions. I also constantly get senses of what I hope is false attraction when I see some kids, I keep trying to figure out if it is real or false attraction. Can someone give me some advice please

TW So I haven’t been diagnosed with pocd, but many ppl said that I have it. I was in bed when I remembered this time when I first started experiencing what I hope is false attraction not actual pedophilia, I’m looking back on it rn n I’m worried it wasn’t false attraction, I remember feeling a sense of attraction when I saw that kid, I was about14 at the time and the kid was 11 or 12. I remember constantly searching to see if it was normal for a 14 year old to like a 12 or 11 year old, I was worried when I was doing that i think, I also kept walking pass her to look at her i think to check if i was attracted or not, but it makes me worried that I was attracted to her because im worried that i did it bc i was actually attracted. now looking back on it rn, I don’t feel panic, worry, shame, or guilt, I originally only felt panic and worry, never shame or guilt. Now I don’t feel any of it, not feeling panic and worry now makes me think that I am a p, I don’t want to be a p. I hope im not a p, Ive talked to a therapist and they’ve said that it’s pocd, but it wasn’t a official diagnosis, I’m worried it was a false diagnosis because I lied on one or two of the questions. I also constantly get senses of what I hope is false attraction when I see some kids, and I keep trying to figure out if it is real or false attraction. Also some other time today I was feeling aroused and I wanted to m#sturbate, but then thoughts of kids started popping up, I think that I didn’t like them, I’m not sure any more, but while I was finishing the thoughts kept comigg by, idk what it means but it felt like I enjoyed it, which made me worried, but after I finished the thoughts disappeared a lot more, idk why that happened idk what it means, could someone give me some advice pls?? I don’t wanna be a pedo. All of that happening makes me feel like I am one, can someone give me advice on what’s happening and what I am??