- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
i’ve been dealing with it for months now i feel like i don’t even get as anxious as i used to but that makes me feel like it really is real :\ idk what to do
- Date posted
- 3y
Intuition is like a soft flute and anxiety is like a loud brass band
- Date posted
- 3y
idk. i still can’t tell the difference tbh it’s just like for a week i’ll constantly doubt my relationship and then it will switch to hocd or no thoughts and then come back like idk it’s just this feeling that i get like i know i love him idk it’s just this FEELING
- Date posted
- 3y
@holley Ocd includes feelings. And stressful ones at that. I deal with the same thing. Mind is busy all of the time and sometimes not. I understand you COMPLETELY trust me
- Date posted
- 3y
@cozycat i just don’t understand it at all… it makes me so distressed
- Date posted
- 3y
@holley what would be the difference in me actually losing feelings like ifk what that feels like
- Date posted
- 3y
@holley Try to stop trying to figure it out. That’s causing so much stress. I am trying to learn to stop doing that as well.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
You know what I did, that really worked for me? I told myself I might not be into this but I might be into it. There’s no way to know for sure. So this is what I’ll do. I have a year: and in that year I will lean into it and really invest in the relationship no matter how I feel. And I did. When I did that I finally relaxed and let go of the need to decide whether I want to be with them or not. And I started to relax and enjoy my time with them. And then when the year came around we both naturally realized it wasn’t the right fit. It was crazy how that happened. But that’s what I recommend if you want to make a decision with your ocd in the way.
- Date posted
- 3y
Was the ending it not apart of the ocd for you? Like was it separate?
- Date posted
- 3y
@cozycat that was kinda triggering in a way but for me whenever i tell him i think i’m losing feelings he doesn’t feel the same ik there won’t be a day where he loses feelings
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@cozycat Yes it was separate. OCD didn’t give me a chance to fully invest in the relationship when I ruminated. But by ending the rumination and just accepting the possibility and leaning in to it, I was able to have more clarity. I decided I wasn’t supposed to be with her and I had no anxiety or second guessing about it
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sasha So you’re saying the ocd was real or that you decided on your own later that you didn’t want to be with her is my question?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@holley It’s triggering for you because you are right now giving in to your ocd, and not willing to sit in the discomfort of the uncertainty. Once you accept that no one knows for sure if they are fully interested in someone (including your bf) you will be able to move past this rumination. Also feelings are fickle. Do not ever base a relationship off of feelings. They come and they go, and they are chemicals that are transient. What you should base your relationship on is your similar values and respect and care for one another. Eventually feelings change- they leave and they change and they come back and they mature. This is the problem with a lot of failed relationships, is that people act on feelings alone. Now add OCD into the mix and it makes it even harder for you because now you are ruminating on the lack of feelings at the moment and making it worse and not even allowing yourself to be present and in the moment and actually get to love this person.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@cozycat I’m saying both. The ocd was real, because I didn’t know yet how I felt about her, but the ocd didn’t even give me a chance to figure it out. Once the ocd went away I actually got really into her and we had a good relationship. Eventually we naturally fell apart because we weren’t a good fit . Does that make sense?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sasha Oh okay I’m understanding now. Sorry I was having trouble differentiating between what you were saying (and I may have been a bit triggered) but that makes sense yes haha
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@cozycat Yes I understand. It can be super triggering. But my main point is that OCD will not give you a choice, because it is basically trying to make you believe there is a problem when there isn’t one. People who don’t suffer with OCD have similar thoughts, “is this person the one?” “Should I be with them” , but they don’t get triggered by these thoughts. They just test run the relationship until they decide it’s not for them or it is for them. OCD high jacks our brains and wants answers to unanswerable questions. We broke up, not because we weren’t “feeling” it. But because we truly weren’t happy; and we learned we weren’t compatible together. That we had to work out stuff without each other. That the relationship wasn’t progressing and we were getting into unnecessary fights. Before that when OCD triggered me I didn’t know whether I should be with her; because I just didn’t feel certain. That’s the difference . Existential un Certainty vs it’s actually just not working. And you will know it’s not working because you won’t have ocd annoying you about it if you’re making a right or wrong decision. It will feel like the same way you feel when you decide you want to stop playing a sport or quit a hobby. You won’t feel this paralysis of “should I stay or should i go”
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sasha That makes so much sense! Mine was triggered because of a video and we were moving far away haha. Thank you for taking the time to go in detail
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@cozycat My pleasure. It can really challenging. And the first anecdote I gave might not work for everyone, but it helped my ocd brain take the gas off the pedal because I told it to give me a year to just date this person and figure it out. Honestly you can’t attack it more straight forward, by just accepting that this is the uncertainty of dating someone and you will accept it and not give in to rumination.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sasha Rumination is a hard one to cut out for me. I can literally feel my brows start to furrow when it starts haha. It’s so hard to know that there isn’t a real problem but still be compelled to figure it out.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@cozycat Totally. It’s such a deeply ingrained habit at this point, it almost feels foreign to not give in. But I find the more I don’t give in the less threatening and scary it feels to allow it and not react. Almost feels a little exciting, like you are about to go on a new adventure. I don’t know, I get a little excited now when my brain says “we must control this “ and I go “let’s just see what happens.” I definitely wasn’t like this before, but the more erp I do, the more fun it can get.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Sasha I totally get that. It’s like a self love journey and I think that’s awesome and I’m excited to start and get back to myself
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@cozycat I’m excited for you. OCD isn’t that scary when you start to look behind the curtains. You start to gain a lot of perspective after that. But it can be terrifying when OCD convinces you it’s real. But I’m glad you are committed to self compassion and self love. It will only speed up your recovery
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- OCD newbies
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 16w
I often feel like i did something wrong even tho i am positive i didn’t, my boyfriend and i have been together for like 6 months and i’ve been completely loyal to him the whole time but recently i’ve been feeling the need to confess that i cheated on him even tho i didn’t and there’s absolutely no proof that i did something even close, i don’t talk to other men and if i do my boyfriend has full access to my phone and it’s usually a friend or me asking a simple question but i still feel the need to confess even tho i’ve done nothing wrong🥲 someone please help it’s so confusing
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 13w
for me it’s getting to the point where i don’t feel in love with my boyfriend anymore. i’m trying to keep myself from compulsing since my compulsions are all mental. it’s like the thoughts consume my mind every second of every day and i can’t catch a break. it’s like i want to be with him so bad but my brain won’t allow me. any advice?
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