i don’t like this feeling that i’m not into my boyfriend anymore i don’t want to NOT like him. idk if these are thoughts or not it feels like my intuition i just don’t know why i would lose feelings for him like he hasn’t done anything

Intuition is like a soft flute and anxiety is like a loud brass band

idk. i still can’t tell the difference tbh it’s just like for a week i’ll constantly doubt my relationship and then it will switch to hocd or no thoughts and then come back like idk it’s just this feeling that i get like i know i love him idk it’s just this FEELING

@holley Ocd includes feelings. And stressful ones at that. I deal with the same thing. Mind is busy all of the time and sometimes not. I understand you COMPLETELY trust me

@cozycat i just don’t understand it at all… it makes me so distressed

@holley what would be the difference in me actually losing feelings like ifk what that feels like

@holley Try to stop trying to figure it out. That’s causing so much stress. I am trying to learn to stop doing that as well.

You know what I did, that really worked for me? I told myself I might not be into this but I might be into it. There’s no way to know for sure. So this is what I’ll do. I have a year: and in that year I will lean into it and really invest in the relationship no matter how I feel. And I did. When I did that I finally relaxed and let go of the need to decide whether I want to be with them or not. And I started to relax and enjoy my time with them. And then when the year came around we both naturally realized it wasn’t the right fit. It was crazy how that happened. But that’s what I recommend if you want to make a decision with your ocd in the way.

Was the ending it not apart of the ocd for you? Like was it separate?

@cozycat that was kinda triggering in a way but for me whenever i tell him i think i’m losing feelings he doesn’t feel the same ik there won’t be a day where he loses feelings

@cozycat Yes it was separate. OCD didn’t give me a chance to fully invest in the relationship when I ruminated. But by ending the rumination and just accepting the possibility and leaning in to it, I was able to have more clarity. I decided I wasn’t supposed to be with her and I had no anxiety or second guessing about it

@Sasha So you’re saying the ocd was real or that you decided on your own later that you didn’t want to be with her is my question?

@holley It’s triggering for you because you are right now giving in to your ocd, and not willing to sit in the discomfort of the uncertainty. Once you accept that no one knows for sure if they are fully interested in someone (including your bf) you will be able to move past this rumination. Also feelings are fickle. Do not ever base a relationship off of feelings. They come and they go, and they are chemicals that are transient. What you should base your relationship on is your similar values and respect and care for one another. Eventually feelings change- they leave and they change and they come back and they mature. This is the problem with a lot of failed relationships, is that people act on feelings alone. Now add OCD into the mix and it makes it even harder for you because now you are ruminating on the lack of feelings at the moment and making it worse and not even allowing yourself to be present and in the moment and actually get to love this person.

@cozycat I’m saying both. The ocd was real, because I didn’t know yet how I felt about her, but the ocd didn’t even give me a chance to figure it out. Once the ocd went away I actually got really into her and we had a good relationship. Eventually we naturally fell apart because we weren’t a good fit . Does that make sense?

@Sasha Oh okay I’m understanding now. Sorry I was having trouble differentiating between what you were saying (and I may have been a bit triggered) but that makes sense yes haha

@cozycat Yes I understand. It can be super triggering. But my main point is that OCD will not give you a choice, because it is basically trying to make you believe there is a problem when there isn’t one. People who don’t suffer with OCD have similar thoughts, “is this person the one?” “Should I be with them” , but they don’t get triggered by these thoughts. They just test run the relationship until they decide it’s not for them or it is for them. OCD high jacks our brains and wants answers to unanswerable questions. We broke up, not because we weren’t “feeling” it. But because we truly weren’t happy; and we learned we weren’t compatible together. That we had to work out stuff without each other. That the relationship wasn’t progressing and we were getting into unnecessary fights. Before that when OCD triggered me I didn’t know whether I should be with her; because I just didn’t feel certain. That’s the difference . Existential un Certainty vs it’s actually just not working. And you will know it’s not working because you won’t have ocd annoying you about it if you’re making a right or wrong decision. It will feel like the same way you feel when you decide you want to stop playing a sport or quit a hobby. You won’t feel this paralysis of “should I stay or should i go”

@Sasha That makes so much sense! Mine was triggered because of a video and we were moving far away haha. Thank you for taking the time to go in detail

@cozycat My pleasure. It can really challenging. And the first anecdote I gave might not work for everyone, but it helped my ocd brain take the gas off the pedal because I told it to give me a year to just date this person and figure it out. Honestly you can’t attack it more straight forward, by just accepting that this is the uncertainty of dating someone and you will accept it and not give in to rumination.

@Sasha Rumination is a hard one to cut out for me. I can literally feel my brows start to furrow when it starts haha. It’s so hard to know that there isn’t a real problem but still be compelled to figure it out.

@cozycat Totally. It’s such a deeply ingrained habit at this point, it almost feels foreign to not give in. But I find the more I don’t give in the less threatening and scary it feels to allow it and not react. Almost feels a little exciting, like you are about to go on a new adventure. I don’t know, I get a little excited now when my brain says “we must control this “ and I go “let’s just see what happens.” I definitely wasn’t like this before, but the more erp I do, the more fun it can get.

@Sasha I totally get that. It’s like a self love journey and I think that’s awesome and I’m excited to start and get back to myself

@cozycat I’m excited for you. OCD isn’t that scary when you start to look behind the curtains. You start to gain a lot of perspective after that. But it can be terrifying when OCD convinces you it’s real. But I’m glad you are committed to self compassion and self love. It will only speed up your recovery