i’m so scared i’m just in denial. my mind is telling me i’m attracted to people that are 13 and younger but i’ve never had these feelings before. i was never worried about this prior to a week ago. everything felt fine. i am so scared… i’m not attracted to kids but my mind keeps saying ‘yes you are!’ and sometimes i don’t get a reaction from that. what if i am… there’s no way in hell i could ever hurt a kid. does anyone else ever get scared they might actually be attracted? i am so afraid. my mind has always tried making me out to be a horrible person but this is too far. i wish this could just… be over with. i’m so tired.

POCD

rayelle

Date posted: 4y

I also am terrified of this… it haunts me, honestly. These types of intrusive thoughts are so uncomfy and unsettling, and I am constantly horrified and scared of my own mind. But with that being said, it is our mind. It’s not our actions, or our beliefs. It is just our brain thinking a thought that is distorted and not true because it’s a part of having OCD. I try to separate myself from my OCD when I get scared. I say to myself “this isn’t something I am comfortable thinking about, so it is my disorder symptoms. It isn’t me or my true beliefs. It is just part of my symptoms, which are things I do not choose.” I hope that was helpful. You are wonderful and you seem to be incredibly kind so try not to villianize yourself, especially because you didn’t do anything wrong and this is NOT your fault. I’m here, always.

LiamC1

Date posted: 4y

thank you… it’s just… so hard to live with the thought that you could be this awful monster that everyone would despise. i know for a fact i’d never try to do anything to a child but… i’m capable of if, i had the thoughts of it, doesn’t that mean i want to? i hate that thought so much. i do NOT want it. sometimes my mind tells me i’m only feeling shame because i have the thoughts and like them. i never like the thoughts. they make me so angry and they make me so sad.

rayelle

Date posted: 4y

@LiamC1 i don’t really have the words except to let you know that i wholeheartedly understand. i am sending nothing but good vibes ur way, and maybe this app can help all of us get through this. but remind yourself, you are not a bad person and bad thoughts don’t define you, especially when it’s coming from something out of our control. i hope u can get through today the best u can. feel free to vent always.

LiamC1

Date posted: 4y

@blueberrysunshine i’m struggling so much because while i was out for a walk i got the thought ‘you know i bet looking up cp is pretty easy’ and that turned into ‘oh god i’d never do that’ and now it feels like an urge to try looking it up. i do NOT want to look this shit up and it’s making me sick. why is my mind telling me ‘go for it, you want it!’ i don’t want to look up cp. i know i never would but my mind says ‘maybe you will’. i want this urge to stop. it literally just started today but it’s so strong and makes me so angry.

Nica

Date posted: 4y

Even though it’s hard, you have to stop fighting the thoughts and seeking reassurance. It only makes things worse.

LiamC1

Date posted: 4y

it’s so hard to stop fighting the thoughts, i get scared that if i do, that means i accept them.

Nica

Date posted: 4y

@LiamC1 You do have to accept them (or ignore them) if you want to get better.

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