i feel… moderately peaceful right now. but i can feel the anxiousness and i still get atrocious intrusive thoughts. with this mindset it’s a little easier to ignore the intrusive thoughts and realize that’s all they are, but i can feel another attack creeping up on me. it just feels inevitable. sometimes i get scared because my mind tells me ‘you’re attracted to little girls.’ even when i’m in this state of half assed calm. does that mean it’s true??? i definitely get uncomfortable but sometimes it doesn’t even phase me. i’m too tired. if only this could end.

Think of OCD like a really good fighter. Think of your fighting move like an emotion you feel. When you're absolutely anxious you go in for a punch and your fist is caught and OCD retaliates and you get hurt. When you're calm you try a new move and you get a sweeping kick. No matter what move you use (the emotion you have) OCD is still fighting you and knows how to get you trapped back in. I'm not sure if that makes any sense but it sounds familiar to what I've been through.

i totally understood that. i wish things were different but this is just how it is. i’ll get through this, eventually this will just be another thing i dealt with.