Think of OCD like a really good fighter. Think of your fighting move like an emotion you feel. When you're absolutely anxious you go in for a punch and your fist is caught and OCD retaliates and you get hurt. When you're calm you try a new move and you get a sweeping kick. No matter what move you use (the emotion you have) OCD is still fighting you and knows how to get you trapped back in. I'm not sure if that makes any sense but it sounds familiar to what I've been through.
i totally understood that. i wish things were different but this is just how it is. i’ll get through this, eventually this will just be another thing i dealt with.
@LiamC1 It's best to think of it as any other obsession. I treat POCD as a sequel to HOCD and I guess you're supposed to feel worse with POCD but I remember being way more panicked having HOCD. HOCD is also when I learned about having ROCD which came before. So I guess I might have some sense of mindfulness or intrusively "what if that means you don't have OCD? this is real" Anyway you got this, keep going.