now im getting false arousal for no reason....🙄😔

Just gonna vent, this never happened to me before during my 20 years alive. Whether it is POCD or not, I have truly lost my sense of self and my innocence. Why of all things did this have to happen. Ive been experiencing more strong groinal responses and mixed feelings of arousal regarding specific thoughts. Its so odd, cause last month none of this happened, it was mainly just anxiety and mental breakdowns. Never did I think I would experience physical sensations as well. Acting on compulsions as well left me feeling absolute confusion, Ive stopped doing that but now I get the urge here and there, and Ive learned to sit with the discomfort. All this leaves me with more questions on whether I will truly get through this or not, or if people will understand my situation. On certain days I feel fine, on other days its sheer terror. I blame myself mainly for this all, It is scary as these images, causing both arousal and terror, only result in me feeling like a shell of my former self

why do i feel like im starting to like the false attraction? i don’t want to liek it and it normal makes me feel disgusting but sometimes i feel like i like it. please help

actual attrcation. i’ve decided im gonna just let the false attraction happen, not try to stop it or question it. is it wrong for this erp to juts when i watch a video and get a false attraction just experience the false feelings and scroll? because i feel like the longer i sit with it the longer i begin to question whether its real or not.