I think I have ocd about my friends girlfriend. I have known her for over 10 years, they have been together the whole time, I've known her. I'm 24, single, male. It started 2 years ago and as I got closer with her it increased. It got so bad that I joined a gym trying to impress her, to get a nice compliment when I should have been doing it to attract other people. I never put a move on her and never would, I wouldn't never do that to my friend and it worked have destroyed alot of my other friendships being in a close social group. I have had other relationships but nothing serious and it just seems that I've manifested a fake relationship with this girl in my mind due to my obsession and now I can't get her out of my head. I'm ashamed of it and haven't been able to tell anyone about it, not even my own family. I have had to cut off all contact with my friend because of it. I just can't stop thinking about her like everyday and it's had an affect on my own relationships. I just want to be able to stop thinking about her and be able to create meaningful relationships with another person. I want to get her out of my head and move on. I haven't seen either of them in 6 months as I thought no contact would work but I still have these thoughts and these urgencies to message both of them but I don't as I know it's not helpful for me. I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and If there is any techniques or habits I could use to overcome these thoughts and be able to move on with my life.

Relationship OCD

LisaP99

Date posted: 4y

ERP is the gold standard for OCD treatment. It forces you to face your fears. Avoiding your friends is just reinforcing your fears. But I would first seek therapy/treatment before jumping back into hanging out with them. These are just ocd thoughts and feelings and it makes me sad that it’s preventing a real, fulfilling relationship for you.

mexicantacos91

Date posted: 4y

Ok thanks for your reply. I will look into ERP, so far the no contact has been good. When I had contact and was messaging her and got a reply it made me so happy and then I would think of ways to make her happy or have the perfect reply back. I would write notes in my phone and literally say I'll message her on this day and ask this even though I knew I would never break my friends trust or betrayl him I allowed myself to manifest this relationship in my head but talking to her alone was enough to make me happy and it prevented me from any other relationship, how does therapy work on her? I've seen free call to a therapist and then what happens after that, thanks again for your reply

LisaP99

Date posted: 4y

I just started seeing an ocd therapist in person. I don’t use NOCD for a therapist but I still think it’s a good resource. I just didn’t go that route. Anyway I don’t know if you have ocd (I’m not a expert) but it definitely sounds like an obsession. They say ANYTHING can be an obsession with OCD… I’ve seen posts on here where the ocd sufferer finds herself obsessing about her sister’s bf but she knows her true self doesn’t want that. They are intrusive bad thoughts, the thoughts of wanting her sister’s bf. Even though the thoughts and feelings feel very real when triggered, she would have to learn to sit with the thoughts and not act on the urges she has. Eventually you get to the point where the thoughts matter less and less to you. It’s hard work but it means getting your life back. I feel like I’m not explaining very well. My past therapist diagnosed me with OCD and she suggested watching Katie D’Ath on YouTube. She gives a good explanation of ocd and erp. She has a lot of videos but they are numbered 1 - 33. The first ones give explanations of ocd and erp. Dr Patrick McGrath also has YouTube explaining ocd and erp.

mexicantacos91

Date posted: 4y

Ok thanks again for your help, I'll look into both those YouTube videos and try to use ERP to treat my OCD. I have just allowed my mind to develop an obsession about this person that it becomes a daily habit to think about them. It's comforting to know people have gone something similar and there's proven methods or startgeies to prevent or minimise the effects of my obsession. I will look into the YouTube videos and try to incorporate ERP into my daily life and hopefully over time these thoughts begin to fade or become alot less frequent and if that dosnt work I'll seek out a professional who deals directly in ERP therapy. Thanks again for your help, I appreciate it alot

LisaP99

Date posted: 4y

There are also books and support groups. Good luck. I personally like the mindfulness workbook for ocd by Jon Hershfield.

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