Hi everyone ✨ Having a particularly rough time today dealing with my ROCD & related compulsions… this is a long post, so I’ll cut to the point early on: Writing all this out here feels like I may be seeking validation, or doing a rumination/reassurance type of compulsion, but if I don’t do my compulsions, I just lay in bed, crying. I feel as though I’d rather do the compulsions than cry all day, bc then at least I’m not sobbing and in pain (pain from anxiety pit in stomach…feels like consistent gut punches) but I know that doing these compulsions is only making my situation worse in the long run…. If anyone could give me any advice on how to practice some ERP around this, or something like that, I would GREATLY appreciate it. Thank you ❤️‍🩹✨ So, I recently went through a break up (we had a good rapport and always had fun together, despite us both being pretty toxic… it was in subtle ways, you know, like going over each other’s texts, jealousy, repressed anger issues, my own ROCD causing me to question our validity as a couple— not a good mix with his own intense insecurities…etc) and now, I can’t stop obsessing over what he is thinking and feeling these days. We ended things pretty gruffly…he blocked me out of anger, but I tried to make amends by emailing him an apology and a whole thing to remind him that emotions, while valid, are usually fleeting, and in the end, we both loved each other to the best of our ability, it just didn’t work because we are both toxic people right now… He unblocked me over text, then, but kept me blocked on all other social media and has yet to respond to anything I wrote to him over email or text. I tried my best to write objectively in the email, and ended everything with peace/love/forgiveness… but now, I just can’t control the obsessing. Thoughts like this keep bombarding me at a constant rate— Why did we break up? Did we even actually break up? Do I miss him? I definitely miss him. Was he good for me? No. Maybe? How am I supposed to know? Maybe he’s angry with me and ignoring me… Maybe he’s just too busy with work to write back. Maybe he’s already moved on…oh god, maybe he never even loved me to begin with and now he’s moving on… No way! He most certainly loved me, we’ve cried together! I remember his loving actions toward me! …BUT… He WAS kind of all about him during the relationship…… I just need to talk to him again and we can figure it all out. Together. I must go on this journey of self-healing, alone. Maybe he never wants to talk to me again…. Etc…etc….ETC!!! I am going insane!! 😫😫😫😫 Its been about 3 days since our split, and we still have some of each other’s possessions. I just can’t stop crying. Even though I want to focus on myself, and live a normal life, I feel like I’m being controlled by my emotions and these obsessive thoughts 24/7…. I compulsively check my phone to see if he answered or called, even when my notifs are turned on…I feel so crazy, alone, and I feel like I just wanna disappear from everything, even though I’m not suicidal (truly), and I know I’m not alone (have pretty good support from fam & friends) and I know I’m definitely NOT crazy (though my OCD might make me feel that way sometimes, 😅) There is this GIANT pit in the middle of my stomach 24/7 whenever I think about him and all that happened between us, the good and the bad. I called him this morning, and he didn’t pick up. I don’t want to become a harasser, or a stalker, and that’s actually a little bit of a fear of mine, bc one of my compulsions involves texting and calling, and I’m not always strong enough to resist it. I’m so very confused and dejected right now. I don’t know what the right move is. I don’t know what to say to him, if anything at all, or even what to say to my own self. Again, any ERP related advice helps. Thank you ❤️‍🩹✨

My partner broke up with my about 10 months ago. It came out of nowhere, and I got no explanation before they ghosted me and blocked me on all forms of contact. I have been horribly struggling since then with this obsessive need for closure. For a while I continued to try to reach out to them, on my own accord or through other people, but it just kept ending with more blocking. For months, I was going through the relationship and the breakup in my head over and over, picking it apart to try and figure out what went wrong, but without a conversation with my ex, I couldn't get anywhere. I am definitely doing much better now. the compulsions to reach out to her and the spiral obsession with figuring out what went wrong have both lessened. but they are still present, especially when I sleep. I really just want to be rid of the whole situation, but i want to do it in a healthy way without locking up my feelings. i really am at such a loss though. i still want answers and i still miss my ex in a lot of ways, but at the same time, the though of running into them scares the shit out of me. ive heard some horrible things about them since then, and how they have been spreading rumors about me behind my back. the situation cant seem to get any worse and it just keep happening. and it makes my ocd triggers so much worse too. idk, i will take literally any responses and any helpful advice.

Hey there, I have had fears of having BPD (especially fears around identity) for six months now. I’ve been told by four therapists I don’t have it. I am diagnosed with OCD, OCPD, BDD, and ADHD.  I have been engaging in compulsions pretty much every hour of every day for the past six months.  I heavily monitor myself in all ways. Even a mood shift will send me into a spiral. I am currently in a really really bad loop about BPD identity disturbance all because my interest focus shifted to things I haven’t paid attention to in awhile when the other day I was heavily into cathedrals, castles, 90’s whimsical etc. (note i have always enjoyed that stuff and still do) but today my focus isn’t on those things at the moment. I’ve liked the same music and a lot of the same things since I was 9 (but more refined) but the genres I like cycle like in seasons. If i am around someone who has similar interests as me even if I haven’t paid attention to them in a little - it will re-spark excitement. But of course my OCD flags that as identity issues and then questions everything. I also recently broke up with my partner of 4 years. The Texting Conflict • I was at breakfast with my grandmother after helping her drop off her car to get her windshield fixed (so I had been driving the whole time. • I didn’t reply right away to one of his casual texts after I read it and got side tracked, but I did later clarify: “I’m out eating with my grandmother babe” when he texted again. He then left me on read. I followed up with a call afterward on my way home to chat. • It only took one hour for him to escalate with multiple needy texts after I left him on read, then stonewalled me the rest of the day and the following morning. The following morning I sent a kind “Good morning” text - he gave me a cold response, then eventually gave me an ultimatum: “change or we’re done.” • I chose self-respect instead of bending unfairly. 1. Respond quicker every single time • He wanted me to never miss a reply or delay in texting. • Why it’s unfair: I’m present and responsive the majority of the time (about 98%). I’ve told him before that sometimes I get busy or forget — ADHD plays a role in that, and it’s not intentional or personal. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. 2. Stop putting my phone on sleep mode • He didn’t like that I had notifications silenced. • Why it’s unfair: Sleep mode is a healthy boundary for me — it reduces overwhelm and allows me to decide when to check messages (which is crucial with ADHD). It has nothing to do with rejecting him, and everything to do with managing my mental health. 3. Stop talking about OCD “problems” • He threw my OCD struggles back in my face, saying “all we talk about are your problems.” • Why it’s unfair: I don’t choose OCD — it’s part of my reality. Early on, he told me he was with me through it, but later used it as ammunition. Not long ago, he even walked out on me during an OCD flare-up that wasn’t about him. I even gave him resources on loving someone with OCD, yet he ignored that and repeated the same behavior. 4. Expecting disproportionate attention • He got upset when I didn’t give him enough attention for a mild cold while he was overseas — meanwhile, I was battling OCD fears that had nothing to do with him. • Why it’s unfair: The situations weren’t comparable. He expected more empathy for a temporary cold than he was willing to extend to me for a chronic, distressing condition. 5. Ultimatum: “Change or we’re done” • His final move was to demand that I fundamentally change how I operate or lose the relationship. • Why it’s unfair: This wasn’t a request for compromise — it was an ultimatum that required me to abandon who I am and how I manage my life. That’s not love, that’s control. ⸻ My Conduct • I remained mature and respectful throughout. • I communicated my reality clearly (ADHD, OCD, sleep mode, my need for balance). • I didn’t lash out or act impulsively — I stood firm on fairness and authenticity. ⸻ Emotional Support Pattern • When I shared vulnerable things (like my dream about my grandparents’ house), his replies were often short and dismissive (“Oh no bbbb”), delayed, or surface-level. • But when he shared trivial things (like a poop text), he expected me to respond right away — and got upset if I didn’t. ⸻ His Shifting Stance • At first, he told me “I support you and understand.” • Later, he flipped to “All we talk about are your problems.” • That shift showed me his support was conditional — he wanted credit for being supportive, but when it required real patience, he grew resentful and used it against me. ⸻ My Response • I was consistent: I expressed my needs, explained my side, and even showed growth • I refused to compromise my authenticity when faced with an ultimatum. • I saw that his lack of reciprocity — short replies, withdrawal, double standards — was the real issue, not me. ⸻ My Core Takeaway • This relationship wasn’t balanced. I gave consistent communication, honesty, and growth. • He gave mixed signals: sometimes affectionate, but also dismissive, resentful, and controlling. • His lack of response to my vulnerability, his double standards around communication, and his flip from “I support you” to “you’re too much” revealed that he couldn’t meet me with true reciprocity. • When he demanded unfair change, I upheld my boundary. I didn’t overreact — I acted from self-respect and fairness. But then of course even through empowerment after the breakup (I cried over it for one day and now I’m fine) - I worried if I acted BPD in any way. 😑 I’m tired.

I have been suffering from ROCD ever since I entered a beautiful relationship with someone amazing. She kept up with me but at times I totally lost control and always assumed the worst about her being unfaithful and what came later was a burst of negative emotions, I always ended up saying or doing stuff that sabotaged the relationship further. After 1.5 years, she finally came to her breaking point and broke up with me, but we still said that we'll wait and see what happens in the future and let's work on ourselves till then. She also said I love you and yes to waiting before she left. Ever since then, my ROCD worsened, suddenly every guy was her moving on and finding a replacement, every attractive guy even following her socials was a threat to me, as now we have broken up, she no longer owes me anything (though she did say that it's me or no one), I found myself all day just checking her socials and even using third party apps to keep a check on her, it has been 22 days since we went no contact and I haven't calmed down a bit. I gave myself time till the first week of October before even going to see her, but these months feel like the longest months ever. Every little thing makes me think about the comfort of her, my mind keeps jumping around with "she's no good" and "she was the best thing that ever happened to me", I have lost all sense of purpose in everything, if I don't check her socials, I feel like I am going crazy, and worst part is, in the moment, I don't even stop and realise that what I am doing is a compulsion, I just lie to myself that one look won't hurt, it's like, my head is so convinced that nothing's going to be okay, so it goes and asks for certainty, by checking, which only hurts me in the long run. I have been a mess, I feel so ashamed, I haven't done anything in life, I have no purpose left, I have to see her next month but, I'm the same obsessed anxious fear driven guy that ruined everything, I want to change this, I want to stop this constant anxiety of being in the flight or fight mode, I am so scared of her being with someone else that I can't help but check again and again, I have no proof of her being with someone else but the moment I see an attractive guy around her I totally assume it. I want to stop this, I want to become secure and defeat my OCD. I used to have pure 0 and contamination ocd at times in 2022, after an year of fighting it, I had finally gotten to a point where it didn't matter and I thought it's gone for good, but turns out, it came back, stronger, as ROCD. Some online advice said to sit with the thoughts of her moving on/being with someone else or write that down, but, I am so scared that somehow if I write it or think about it- what if it manifests into reality? I am not anyone who believes in manifestation actively, but the fear is very real, and I don't know how to get better, I just have 3 weeks to atleast get forward with some sort of improvement, please help..