- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I think what you are currently experiencing is depersonalization/derealization--it happens when you're in situations of prolonged anxiety and trauma, its very common with ocd. I experience it all the time! Do yourself a favor and give yourself a break, your inner voice is clouded right now by the layers of ocd and your senses are dulled by the dp/dr. Feeling like its not ocd anymore is a very ocd thing to say...:) don't take as reassurance, but its super common to feel denial with any of these subtypes. Lean into the denial and practice ERP to it so you're not as afraid of the possibility I have been in your exact shoes with two relationships. The numbness and questioning. It is not normal for neurotypical people but it is OUR normal as people with ocd, so give yourself some compassion š.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you. I just feel lost and confused while simultaneously feeling nothing. Definitely donāt feel like myself. I donāt know how to give myself a break honestly Iām not very good at that
- Date posted
- 3y
@cozycat I know exactly how you feel. I'd get thoughts of "you don't love him, you never did! You're using him. Remember when he did blahblahblah?" Its the ocd attacking something that makes you happy, ocd doesnt like it when you're happy and confident because it thrives off of insecurity. Your ocd is probably telling you to distance yourself from him. I think you should do the opposite and spend some quality time with him and stay in the present moment :)
- Date posted
- 3y
@alexisrae1999 Yes! Itās telling me I donāt want to touch him or be near him so of course it feels that way. Or maybe I feel that way and thereās the thoughts idk but yes
- Date posted
- 3y
@cozycat Do the opposite of what its telling you and show your ocd you don't care!
- Date posted
- 3y
@alexisrae1999 Even if itās more of a feeling than a thought?
- Date posted
- 3y
@cozycat There's such thing as intrusive feelings too. Normally they are triggered by an intrusive thought or act as kind of an automated response if you've been dealing with a certain theme for a long time
- Date posted
- 3y
@alexisrae1999 Oh okay got it! So they can kinda be seen/serve as intrusive thoughts when youāve been in a spiral for a long time?
- Date posted
- 3y
@cozycat I'd say yes because when you get the feeling, you're probably associating the feeling with a scary intrusive thought that you want to get rid of :)
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@alexisrae1999 - Wow thank you Alexis, I'm currently going through this. My boyfriend is the best and I truly have no complaints, I believe we are truly made for each other and never doubt my relationship with him until I got OCD a little over 2 months ago. I felt okay the last few days but I started questioning myself again and I feel very convinced I didn't love him anymore but I know if we were to break up with be devastated. I love that you said "OCD doesn't like you to be happy"
- Date posted
- 3y
@Emilyecvrg Thats what the ocd does lol, it attacks what you value the most in your life. And since ocd is quite literally in your brain, it knows your way of thinking. That's why there's no using logic against the ocd...its an illogical illness that makes no sense š. Erp is the only way to go, and of course moving forward with your life despite the ocd:)
- Date posted
- 3y
I just had a really bad episode tonight over exactly what you said. Im going through the same exact thing.
- Date posted
- 3y
Itās so stressful
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
Iāve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and Iām beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind Iāve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (Iām a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like āokay. Fine, but I donāt want to date a girlā I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if Iām romantically interested in women and not men. Iāve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I donāt want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts donāt stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I donāt want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that thatās not what I want. It doesnāt feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik itās still ocd related) but Iām scared that once I tell him, Iāll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh Iāve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, Iām stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 18w
For the past like 4 months, my ROCD has been getting worse and worse. Iāve been on lexapro for about 1.5 months now and itās basically gotten rid of my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. But now Iām stuck with the constant feeling of not loving my bf. At this point I canāt even recognize him as someone I love. Like I will stare at him and try to feel something or recognize him but I feel nothing. It feels like I donāt love him anymore, but I donāt want to give up. I donāt know what to do at this point. I donāt know if itās still the ocd and the medication is making it worse or if Iām truly just falling out of love with him. While not being on the verge of a panic attack and ruminating 24/7 is great, i feel like Iāve lost my identity and my emotions.
- Date posted
- 12w
First off - Iām sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldnāt pick one struggle and settle with it. Iām not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someoneās advice please. I love hearing everyoneās advice on posts because itās so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesnāt feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but itās also been thorough and constructive enough where itās reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and Iām so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think itād drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and itās been teaching me so many amazing techniques. Iāve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. Iāve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. Iād do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. Iād make his bed for him multiple times, but I havenāt done that for myself in years. Iād sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but heād never do the same and Iād never do the same for me. Iām also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I donāt want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping theyāll think Iām pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I donāt understand it. Ocd makes me think everythingās a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I wonāt be successful, Iāll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCDās version of ālogicā isnāt even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where Iām dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and itās a very odd and bizarre feeling. Iām excited of course, but Iām also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like āwhat if I will never make the most of this life Iāve been givenā, āwhat if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other peopleās lives is a background characterā, āwhy do I care if Iām a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like meā, āare people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?ā, āI need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am nowā, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes itās like I just canāt take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what Iām saying? Can anyone help?
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