Sometimes I feel really bad for being jealous of others who have OCD as well. I think my subtypes just make my life really hard and I wish I could have a different type/types. I know regardless of the type OCD is still hard and everyone still tends to struggle in the same exact ways, but I don’t feel quite hopeful for my future here with pocd/real event ocd/pure ocd/and false memory ocd. It’s a quadruple whammy I have going here.

Im tired of knowing that people have blocked me on NOCD for my pocd / real events ocd posts... Im tired of knowing that I have real events that are POCD related... Im tired of getting intrusive thoughts and false memories of the worst case scenario for my pocd and real events ocd being true... Im so tired of it all...

I got pure o. I don't think that's really the correct term but you get what i'm talking about. I would say that i have it because my ocd just picks and chooses what subtype it wants to bother with me today. Right now, i'm suffering with real event ocd and, hopefully, false memories. But i think i might have cracked the code on it. So my real events and false memories are pretty much private related, which makes it worse because there's no evidence or proof. There are some memories (real events) i can think about and accept that they happened. I still feel guilt and shame but i have closure from it. And there's the other memories (hopefully false memories) that i look at and just cannot wrap my head around. They feel so real like they actually happened and it gives me so much stress, but i sit there and think and think and think on it to see if it actually happened. Btw, these false memories come from my real events but in different situations and times. Like if it was true, i would accept it. Whether or not it made me feel guilt or shame, i would still accept it happened. This is what i think i figured out. I can look at a memory and know for certain it happened. I don't need evidence or nothing. The false memories make me question myself if it did happen. It's still very vivid and looks so real like a real memory, but i just can't be for certain if i did that. It makes me feel like i'm in denial of my past. Sometimes they both work together. A real event can happen but false memories can use its work to detail out the event, tryna make it much worse than it was. Or you can be thinking of a false memory but real events can try linking with that false memory to making you think you did do that. If this makes any sense or if what i’m saying is correct or i’m just crazy, please tell me. All advice is welcome. Thank you

Does anyone else struggle with this? I am constantly feeling jealous of all of my friends and wishing I could just be them because I know they don’t struggle with this and my obsession. I am even jealous of others with ocd, for example when I’m on here reading posts, I think to myself “I would rather have anyone else’s obsessions because it would be better than what I have and I’d be happy”. I know it’s not true at all because every time my obsession changes it feels just as bad as the last. But it is always in my mind it’s exhausting.