anyone else feel like making new friends is really hard with soocd? I get intrusive thoughts anytime I talk to any of my female friends, it can be really hard sometimes

I’ve been dealing with ocd and anxiety since I was a kid, but these recent years have been the worst it’s ever been. It’s hard to communicate with people about your mental health so I’ve been self isolating by accident lol, my social anxiety is terrible and it’s extremely stressful for me to hangout with people and my friends don’t seem to really understand even when I try my best to explain. They notice I don’t hangout as much but to them it’s “me being weird “ or “ a fake friend” I don’t know what to do and it’s frustrating

I haven’t posted on here in a few days because I was feeling better but the past two days I’ve climbed my way back down the rabbit hole it seems. There’s this guy that I’m interested in and he seems to be interested in me. He keeps calling me pretty and how he’d like to meet me (he’s friends with my friends but I haven’t met him properly yet lmao) But I keep getting thoughts like “you’re not interested, you like women” and so on. I was feeling giddy about the whole thing up until two days ago where everything just seemed to shut off like my attraction, excitement and so on. I can’t believe I’m going through this again and I’m really trying to accept the thoughts but it’s so debilitating as I really want a bf but my brain keeps passing through thoughts that I do not want at all. Does anyone relate? Or have any coping strategies to help?

Did anyone experience SA as a child. I've come out and people have blocked me almost across the board. I know this isn't totally OCD but it kind of is because I have so much doubt on how to proceed. I have no evidence and I believe I'll fail so much. Can I get through the turmoil of this with OCD? I'm a friendless mess.