Hi everyone! Had anyone ever experienced a theme where they obsess about money? I find myself experiencing buyers remorse or guilt every time I purchase something, or even if my parents buy me something. Its very extreme guilt and feels almost like an ocd theme. Can anyone relate?

I have a lot of compulsions that seem hoarding-esque but I can’t figure out which subtype of OCD they fall under. The two major drivers of this for me seem to be a fear that I will forget about them or the memories attached to them or that the things and their significance will be lost to time, and that I might need or want them in the future. I compulsively make lists of things (ex. things I like, things I don’t like, who I am, the contents of my ideal fridge - very plain with lots of fruit) just in case. I heart nearly every song I hear on Spotify (except the ones I actively strongly dislike, of which there are not many) just in case I will forget about them later on (and because I feel guilty about not hearting the song and supporting the artist if I have no valid reason not to but that’s a whole other can of worms). I have a couple containers of “good” boxes of all shapes and sizes that I’ve collected that, as it turns out, I never actually look at or use. When I was very little, before my family and I knew I had OCD, I had a “sticker book” in which I would put every sticker I ever got - because I didn’t like the idea of putting them on anything that I might lose access to. I even found my mother’s stamps and obsessively put one of each kind in my sticker book (there were soo many, it took me hours). I have trouble letting go of things, especially if I have any sort of memory attached to it whatsoever. Because, my mind says, what if I forget? My camera roll consists, in large part, of an enormous amount of screenshots of far too many little things that I encounter, and it is extremely rare that I actually look back at them. But the other data I was looking for something I thought I took a screenshot of and I couldn’t find it, so this compulsion is back and much worse. On my computer I can’t open the photos app without it crashing and the number of screenshots I have on there is shown in eight digits. I also have tens of thousands of tabs open in my browser at any given moment (I can’t close them, what if I forget?). I really wish I were exaggerating. I also take an excessive amount of photos of many things throughout my day (I counted once and I took 46 pictures of the same tree when I went on a walk). These are just some little examples of how this obsession manifests in me and my life. Does anyone else experience something similar? I’d love to hear about it.

I would really appreciate it so much if someone took the time to read this and help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t posted here in awhile. I had my OCD managed pretty decently for a year or so on medication, but I had to stop taking it, and after around 3-4 months, the OCD has become unbearable again. It used to be much more surrounding existential themes, eating, and others, not really real event/false memory stuff. But now it’s gotten really out of hand and I don’t know how to do it anymore. It’s surrounding a time of my life a long time ago. It was a dark time. I wasn’t myself and I was going through a lot of things, and I did a lot of things I regret. I self-destructed, embarrassed myself, and wasn’t good to the people around me. I was able to get my mind off of it for a long time, even though I would still think about it a good amount. I was able to be in the present, at least moreso than now. But now that I’m off medication, the guilt has become my obsession again. I can’t move on. I can’t do anything without thinking about all of these memories. I’m obsessed. I’ve started hating myself again, so much so that it’s hard to do anything anymore or believe I deserve anything good. The people around me tell me it wasn’t even that bad, but to me it was. To me, I failed myself, lost myself, and failed everyone around me. I can’t stop thinking about every person I said something wrong to or every time I screwed up. I’ve now started to convince myself I did terrible things I can’t remember, and that my mind just can’t deal with it. And that’s why I feel so guilty. There’s nothing to really support this though. But I’m starting to really convince myself that’s true. I’m trying not to listen to it, because I’ve convinced myself I have hit people with my car before and haven’t remembered when I absolutely didn’t and I know I never have. I drive back over and over to check there’s no one, even though I never heard any bang or felt myself anything. I can convince myself of some crazy false memories. So I know that I shouldn’t listen. But it’s hard not to when I have this guilt gnawing at me constantly. I come to conclusions that this guilt must be because I did something terrible that I don’t remember, even though I already think the things I remember were bad enough. But I would know by now right? If I did something bad I don’t remember? I don’t feel like this all the time. But it’s a lot of the time. But maybe that should be reassuring, that I only start obsessing like this when I think to. The past haunts me though. And I can never be in the present. I’ve started to resort to some unhealthy behaviors to distract myself or help me work towards something. I am starting to hate myself so much and feel like there’s no way I’ll ever be able to get out of this loop. I feel like I just can’t do this anymore. Maybe I need to go back on medication. But I don’t know. I don’t really want to. But will I ever fix this without it? Why do I feel SO guilty, all of the time? I do all these things for people because I feel indebted to them, because I feel undeserving of everything. I feel awful about myself. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone else deal with this?

cause immense guilt when receiving gifts? Or when someone is nice to you, the guilt just floods every vein of your existence. I feel so awful :( awful about my compulsions, about some of my thoughts, about who OCD has made me. My boyfriend just gifted me something, and I have such a heavy feeling in my chest. Worst part is: when I’m not feeling guilty I’m spiraling over that gift was enough, if it could’ve been “better.” I feel like an idiot. I don’t understand why I’m like this