So this is really important to me i hope some of you will answer. The love of my life and i stopped talking about a year or so from today. It has not been easy for me and i was in a dark place for some time. The point of this post though, is to talk about something we both discussed, and that was writing/creating something together. When we were discussing this i can’t remember exactly what we said, but we had called things off romantically with each-other before that point and i think we were talking about how uncomfortable we felt at the idea of using our experiences to create stories (Much like some song writers do about break ups). LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR I IN NO WAY WANT TO WRITE ABOUT MYSELF AND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE TO MAKE A/ANOTHER STORY THAT I CAN PUT MY NAME ON. I just feel scared to try and write anymore because I’m afraid i may use him, his story, our story, my story, his experience or my experience in some way shape or form. I know that a lot of us who create use our experiences in a small way to help us make our stories but I’m afraid that ill just end up trying to profit from our history or the experiences we had, and publicize it if that makes sense? Like would it be right to use my experience even a little? Would it be right to use our experiences even a little? Would it be right to use his? I feel so gross typing that. I feel disgusted even writing that ugh. Like not actual instances that happened by just feelings and such or more open-ended things? Like not a word for word on us at all just a different character and maybe a completely different world where i use certain feelings or thoughts not for the entirety of the piece but for certain parts? I cannot tell if this is ocd or me respecting/ trying to respect him but I’m so afraid i will subconsciously/unconsciously just write about stuff like his/mine/our experiences with each-other or the experiences we’ve had as people apart from each-other, before we met each-other, or after we’ve met each-other.

I'm going to film school and starting to write horror movies. My obsession is that I'm scared of being a bad person of making my characters becoming a predator on younger characters. But that's also horror like...? I obviously won't make them like a literal baby. But I have this horror idea and I just feel bad. Idk how I'm gonna write this shit without having OCD. For example junji ito collection tomine is somewhat of a predator and the ice cream man. And they're both really good horror stories!! even Pennywise!! And people love Pennywise?!! Any advice for Creating horror with OCD themes like pocd and such?

(18 and over please) I find that sometimes it's hard for me to tell whether something is an OCD fear or a genuine fear, mostly because OCD deals in taboos and I've never heard the morality of some things even being discussed. I've been stuck for about a month now because I realized that when I was younger, there was a period of time when I had thoughts (they were sexual in nature) that I now know were unethical about a book series I really enjoy. I didn't think that these thoughts were wrong at the time, as I was only an adolescent, but I certainly do now, and I can't help but feel that my interest in this series has been contaminated or tainted in a way I can't recover from. As such, I've been worried that I have to give up the series and everything associated with it (including the music and shows that I found through it) because I can't separate my normal enjoyment of it from the past. It scares me because a huge part of who I am and enjoy came directly from this series, so not only would it suck to give it up, but I'd also have to find all new interests that haven't been tainted. I've never heard of anything like this so there's not really anything to orient the morality of it. I'm pretty sure that this is just rumination and it's okay to move on from something that I did as a kid that I can't change, but every time I try to enjoy it again I can't help but think that it's unethical to continue to enjoy when I had so-and-so thoughts about so-and-so character. I get especially worried about sharing in my interest with friends or family, because how would they react if they found out, for example, that this song I'm showing them is related to this series that I had these terrible thoughts about? Even worse, what if I continue to enjoy it, recommend it to someone, and they start to enjoy it too? Now their lives have been impacted by this book series through me, who used to have these thoughts about it. At the same time, of course, it's hard for me to shun such a large part of myself. The music I love has helped me through so much, including a really rough period with OCD a few years ago. The interests that I've accumulated through the series are things that I'm really passionate about and was considering possibly going into a field for someday. Most of all, the series meant so much to me and basically defined my childhood. I hope that this isn't too similar to reassurance seeking, which I don't recommend or condone, but I just genuinely don't know what's moral for me to do. Has anyone gone through something similar?

Hey I haven’t posted in awhile but I just need to vent. Back in early 2023/ 2024, I remember this theme putting me in the deepest depression that I believe I became emotionally numb. I don’t know, but I felt like I had it and still maybe do. I remember keeping something in for a year from my gf at the time and my OCD was beating me up so bad that I eventually to the hospital in June of 2024. Those of you that have watched Euphoria… remember that scene where Rue is in bed all day and night and physically can’t get out of bed and is frozen? That’s how I felt when it was getting to the end of my relationship. I had the worse thoughts you could ever imagine and every time I had a conversation w/ my gf, I felt like a robot. I felt like I couldn’t even talk to my gf without getting interrupted by my instrusive thoughts. I’m not perfect either . I made a mistake when I saw her the last time. Maybe led her on, maybe I was just emotionally numb . I still wanted to see if the spark was there but I guess it wasn’t. That’s one of my biggest regrets. I rather have stayed home and gathered my thoughts then to go see her on my birthday. It was selfish of me. I take ownership of that . Recently she’s been on my mind , but when we finally parted ways it’s like I didn’t feel anything and that made me question if I loved her? Idk I guess what I’m asking is did or does anyone feel that way? You felt emotionally numb/no spark/ nothing when you kiss? Physically not attracted. Sometimes I question .. what is love? What does it mean? Does love always have to have a spark? I read one time that you choose that person. But I feel like I’m confused what it really means. It’s like I’m having this 360 shift and realizing maybe I was emotionally numb all along and keeping this “secret” I thought at the time, to myself. I eventually told her and she wasn’t mad . My ocd made it bigger than it was . 😔 It’s crazy what OCD can do to you. I felt sick not just mentally, but physically too. Maybe it was easier for me to move on because I “emotionally checked out or was just too emotionally numb” after awhile that when we did break up the first time I barely cried. I cried almost everyday for a year before that first breakup in August. We had gone almost a month without talking because we parted ways but then reconnected September of 2024 and the. Ended it mid January. That’s the last we spoke. It’s been 9 months. I know people feel different thhings at different times but she’s been on my mind recently. And this may be TMI but I know a lot of my emotions right now have to do with my period, but even before my cycle… I was thinking about her. My thoughts are just heightened now. It’s like I was saying … it’s like I’m seeing things different now. Maybe I was so emotionally numb I couldn’t feel anything and it felt like I had fallen out of love. It was hard for me to feel anything and to be honest I think this start May of 2024. I wanted to stay and make it work. But you can’t force yourself to feel something. I think I’m just confused rn. Maybe I’m a little de lulu but I’ve always felt like it’s her. Sure I’ve looked at other girls but when it comes down to soul and personality and how that person treats you… that’s what pulls you in and what matters. It’s like I’m finally realizing after a YEAR LATER that all this ocd stuff was in my head and It’s a shame because I lost a really good one and I don’t know if I’ll ever get that back but I’m grateful for the memories and she’ll always have a special place in my heart. Not sure if this is part of the grieving process? Idk if you guys could give me some feedback or if this resonates with you … please leave comments down below. (Not for reassurance seaking) but to know that if anyone has felt just how I’m feeling right now . I would relay appreciate it🙏🏽 (edited)