Trigger warning Hi, My ocd has gotten real bad the past few days I’m really scared right now, I know I shouldn’t seek re assurance but I’m freaking out, at the moment it feels like it would bring me relief if, as evil as it sounds murder was acceptable, I think it’s because then I wouldn’t have to fight ocd anymore, I feel horrible even writing this. it feels so real I don’t want it to be acceptable as it’s the worst thing you can do and I know it’s not acceptable. I just don’t feel it and it feels more real then ever like I want to and I don’t know what to do anymore I’m scared to do the recovery work cause I’m scared that I’m gonna end up being a murderer. I’m already numb emotionally cause of everything going on I can’t even cry anymore. It just feels like theres nothing wrong with murder and I’m tryna convince myself how there is and it feels like I’ve lost my battle with ocd after all these years. I’m so scared right now I wanna live a normal life but it feels like I never will and that I wanna do those evil things, it feels like I have a deep secret desire that I just don’t wanna give into and I feel horrible. I’m just so tired of fighting I just wanna be normal and not be a danger. Is this ocd or has it become something else and I’m a secret sociopath?

Harm OCD

Adam Smith

Date posted: 4y

Exactly. You know I have been listening to an audiobook on audible that has helped me out a bit. It's called, "Overcoming Harm OCD" by John Hershfield. Maybe give that a try.

Michaelggg

Date posted: 4y

Thanks 👍🏻

Michaelggg

Date posted: 4y

I exactly feel the same thing sometimes. Bro trust me you are not a murderer nor you will. When these thoughts come just agree with them and tell yourself I will wait this year.

CJocd

Date posted: 4y

Hi thanks Michael I get times like this where I’m calm I go I never will it’s obvious but then when I say that I start to feel doubt coming on and I’m not sure I’m just so confused as I’m sorta having an identity crisis through this as I’m a 19 year old so most do. It just feels so so so real and I’m just freaking out and beg do normal. I just gotta disregard and move on

Michaelggg

Date posted: 4y

@CJocd I can agree with this to If you are getting scared and anxious it's actually good as you don't want to do that but your mind is saying you to do that which is making you scared. Just don't do any compulsions let the thoughts resist and they will fade away on its own and you will be back to normal. Sometimes I get intrusive thoughts like you get. Half time I feel anxious and half time I don't. Just rekax you will be all good :)

Adam Smith

Date posted: 4y

Michael, It is OCD. I have all these same feelings but for sucide instead of murder. I worry that my Harm OCD has escalated to a point that I actually WANT to die. Instead of being just afraid of killing myself. "What if I got misdiagnosed? What if I don't actually have OCD? What if I have suicidal depression? What if I'm homicidal?" Sometimes it feels like an inevitability. It is not. We are in control. The OCD can only taunt and suggest. Never force.

Michaelggg

Date posted: 4y

See you are questioning your self. If you have this, if you have that which means you have OCD. And whenever you think you want to commit suicide. Just remember you only live once and life is a gift. Live it peacefully that's it.

CJocd

Date posted: 4y

Thanks Adam and Michael, yeh it’s just so real and feels so bloody real my fear is not that I woll like wit everything it’s so I want to so I try chasing the feeling that I don’t want to and it only makes it worse and worse till I’m not sure. It’s just scary and I gotta keep challenging the thoughts it’s just the feelings there the toughest hurdle to get through :) I appreciate these so much thabkyou for the help

Michaelggg

Date posted: 4y

@CJocd No problem Let's fight together and win together Stay strong 💪🏻:)

Adam Smith

Date posted: 4y

The "Want" is very confusing. But I promise you, you got this.

CJocd

Date posted: 4y

Like it’s hard to describe I get yeh I saw a good refrences something u truely want is easy going like ice cream I feel like I want ice cream that dosent cause me to freak out and analyse I get the ice cream and I don’t think about it again. I feel like I want to do horrible things is different I freak out I analyse and I beat up that feeling till it goes away but only to coke back stronger minutes later

Michaelggg

Date posted: 4y

@CJocd Don't perform any compulsions. Just let it be in your mind

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