I have never heard of a case of someone with OCD about being a pedophile or killer realizing they really were one. However, mental health professionals have encountered individuals with HOCD who have come to the conclusion that they were gay. Reassurance doesn't help in any of these cases. It's common for mental health professionals to try reassuring a patient in some way, especially earlier in treatment, but ultimately the reassurance doesn't treat the OCD. The OCD is treated by eliminating compulsive checking, researching, and analyzing, and tolerating the uncertainty in the process. If I understood your email correctly, what you are struggling with the most is what seems to be a contradiction between (1) how mental health professionals might tell a person with HOCD that they don't think he's gay, and (2) the idea that someone with HOCD could in fact be gay. I think the simplest way to explain this contradiction is that what professionals might say to someone about his sexual orientation would be their impressions of that person, specifically. I can't speak on behalf of other professionals, but I assume this is what would be intended. On the other hand, the information you've read about HOCD is about HOCD in general, for all the different people who have it. Some of these people are gay and some of them are straight and some are in the middle. All of these people are unsure of their sexual orientation, all of them are frantically trying to figure out their sexual orientation, and all of them are terrified of making a mistake in either direction -- by thinking they're gay or thinking they're straight. The problem is that when people have HOCD and they're constantly engaged in compulsions, they can feel so confused that they truly don't know what's real. Nothing anyone tells them will convince them. If someone tells them they are straight, they just worry that that person is wrong, because they are afraid of making a mistake in either direction. OCD can be incredibly, profoundly confusing and torturous. People with HOCD constantly try to figure out their sexual orientation. They analyze and ruminate about every sexual and romantic feeling and thought they've ever had. They even try to have feelings and thoughts on purpose to try to figure out the answer. But what happens is that all of this analysis and rumination just make the person ever more confused and even more scared, and makes it impossible to actually figure out what's real. The more confused and scared they get, the more they analyze and ruminate. It's a horrible, torturous cycle. The way we treat HOCD isn't by trying to answer the question, since trying to answer the question is what fuels this horrible cycle. Instead, the way we treat it is by working on eliminating the analysis, mental tests, research, and reassurance-seeking. Once a person eliminates this, things gradually become clearer, and they can get a picture of what their sexual orientation actually looks like. In other words, in order to eventually gain an answer to the question, the person has to stop trying to figure out the answer. This may sound simple, but it can actually be an incredibly difficult, scary, and complicated process. Hi I have just come across this article online from Reddit from an OCD therapist by the looks of things. Is that a therapist say you can HOCD and realise you are Gay. So confused.

trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.

I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.

I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?