I’m really triggered. I just had a memory of something I had done a few years ago, and it’s making me question everything. A couple of years ago, there was this app that everybody was using called Yubo. It’s like a live-streaming app, where you call with your friends and you can add random people to the call when they request. It was kinda weird, and the craze died out after a few months. This app also had this ‘tinder’ style section, where people could swipe you depending on whether they found you attractive… I only used the app to do the live streams with my friends, but eventually I noticed that I had a lot of notifications, and people had been swiping and messaging me. I went through the messages just out of curiosity, and I noticed that a girl had swiped me. Being that I’ve never been into girls in that way, I just carried on through the messages ignoring that one - not thinking much of it. And then for some reason I thought to myself, ‘maybe I should try speaking to her and see how it makes me feel’. I did, and it was just… not my thing. I just didn’t feel anything, at least not in the same way I would with a boy. I removed her, and just carried on with my life as though nothing happened. As you can probably gather, I didn’t have HOCD at this time, and it didn’t bother me. But now I’m looking back and thinking, ‘someone who was straight would never have even thought to talk to the girl’, and then all of the tik toks I’ve watched where people talk about ‘closeted’ straights always ‘thinking they’re straight’ comes to mind. It all just feels confusing. I hate it. I’m not physically, emotionally, or sexually attracted to women and I never have been, but for some reason I just CAN’T stop doubting, and I feel like I can’t trust my own judgement because, ‘what if I’m lying to myself?’… The sexual fluidity movement makes me feel so confused. Using the logic from that movement (which I think is amazing for the people who feel represented by it) I mustn’t be straight, because any deviation from wholly straight behaviour PROVES that I’m not straight. But I think and feel as though I’m straight… in other words, I talk and walk like the duck, but I don’t know whether I’m a duck. Weird analogy… Anyway, has anyone been feeling like this recently?

Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please

Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.

i had recently been triggered to have so-ocd. its been on my mind non-stop. (i am a heterosexual female) and my mind has been all over the place questioning if i have been in denial the entire time. ive always had people tell me they sort of got that vibe it it never really affected me until my own mother had her suspicions. so i would constantly get triggered un public around the same gender, while knowing my true sexuality. ive always been attracted to men but as of recently ive been having super bad anxiety to where i cannot eat or sleep and feel weak all the time. it was like that for a week or so. now im in the calm where i have been trying accept the uncertainty but it still isnt fair as im getting triggered. im a little worried because it feels like i have been lying to my parents the entire time although ive never had the desire to be with the same gender. and i keep getting intrusive thoguhts that make me feel anxious and uncomfortable. its all starting to affect my friendships as im constantly getting triggered with the intrusive thoguhts. i feel a little less anxious compared to how i was a couple days ago. im really scared on why im having these thoughts now when i have been having romantic feelings for a guy the past year or so. ive also been struggling with false attraction and loss attraction to men. it makes me feel uncertain of my life the entire time