I want to share some hope with all of you experiencing ROCD. I have been through absolute HELL this year with ROCD. Honestly, it was been the most difficult year of my life. But after many months of hard work, ERP, trying to reprogram my ways of thinking, failing, trying again, taking two steps forward and one step back, starting medication, I am happy to say that I am feeling like my usual self and feeling so lucky to have my partner. There have been times when I was repulsed by him and that has been extremely hard on our relationship, but he has stuck by me and I am just so grateful for him and for myself for choosing not to trust the intrusive thoughts that plagued me for so long. I don't feel absolutely infatuated with him, but I have realised that feeling infatuated is not a good indication of love or of being a good fit. My partner is amazing and supportive and loving, and having those things helps so much to build love. It's hard to let go of wanting that feeling, I completely understand, but please know that even though you may not be feeling how you want to right now, that it is possible for that to change and that you can have a happy relationship. ROCD doesn't have to define you and you can do this. I did it and so can you XXX ❤️

I am FINALLY starting to (somewhat) recover from this last existential spiral, which admittedly, was probably the cruelest my OCD has ever been to me. Only thanks to you all. You were all able to provide me with kindness, understanding and support… without the kind of reassurance that feeds OCD, of course. When I downloaded this app, I was genuinely terrified. I was so scared that I was permanently doomed to the endless whirlpool that is the thoughts produced by my own brain and that life as I knew it was over, that I would never be happy again. For anyone who might be feeling that way right now, your OCD is LYING to you! Whatever you may be going through, it CAN get better. As hard as it may be right now, HAVE FAITH! Get up and do that thing you want to do in spite of the fear and discomfort. Take the fear with you like a whiny, unwilling toddler and do it anyway. Watch the movie, read the book, order that takeout you’ve been craving, bake the cake, wash the dishes… Please do it anyway! It will be hard at first, I won’t lie. But the OCD part of your brain, like a toxic partner, WANTS to win. It wants you to give up on those things that you love, all those things that make you happy so that there’s no space for anything but itself. Don’t let it win. The more you push yourself, the more you rewire your brain to realize that as much as it may feel like, the obsession doesn’t matter! Thanks to you all, even without therapy (YET - I’m starting that journey on Tuesday because there’s still a lot to unpack, and I know that OCD won’t just magically go away), I was able to get a basic understanding of ERP and learning to sit with discomfort and how to live life in spite of it, rather than letting it take over my very being. So for that, I thank this community. I think I would be in a very different place right now if it weren’t for the people I’ve met here who truly understood my experiences. I hope you have a wonderful day. Please don’t give up. You deserve to be happy, no matter what your brain is telling you ❤️

I feel like I’ve reached such a painful place where everything seems real. I feel like I don’t love him anymore, like I’ve been lying to myself and to him this whole time — and now I’m realizing a terrible truth that I couldn’t accept until now. The thoughts come in like statements, like facts: “You don’t love him,” “It was just habit,” “You’re pretending.” They don’t feel like just thoughts — they feel like reality. And the hardest part is that I don’t feel anything anymore. Just a deep emptiness, numbness, and detachment. I don’t know what love feels like anymore, and because I don’t feel, I start to believe there’s nothing left to feel — maybe there never was. My mom told me that I’m lying to myself, that I’m hurting him and myself, and if I really don’t feel anything, I should end the relationship. She’s overwhelmed, and I know she’s saying these things out of worry for me — but it still hurts. My boyfriend shows me so much love. He really does. He tells me, he shows me, he supports me. And yet… I feel like I can’t respond, like I’m empty inside. That makes me feel like a terrible person. I feel fake, like I’m performing in a life that doesn’t feel real anymore. I’ve read so much about ROCD. I’ve been told over and over again that I need to sit with the thoughts, that I need to accept uncertainty. I know what ERP is, I know the tools. But even with all this knowledge, I feel stuck. It feels like nothing is helping. Like I’m frozen in place, and my only truth is this awful, real-seeming feeling that I don’t love him. I keep thinking: maybe I just liked the idea of love. Maybe I only stayed because he’s a good person. Maybe the love I thought I felt was just me coping and hoping. And now it feels like that hope is gone. I feel so disconnected from everything. I can’t even remember how it felt to love him. I look at our memories and they feel distant, blurry, meaningless. I’m scared. I’m tired. I just want to feel okay again. Please, if anyone has been through something like this — if you understand this storm — I’d love to hear how you kept going. I feel like I’m barely holding on.

Hi. I’m writing this because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long, and I feel like I’m losing myself more and more every day. I’m 18 years old, and I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years with someone who truly loves me( i have these thoughts and bad feelings since month 4 in the relationship) He’s kind, patient, and he really cares. But for a long time now… I’ve been stuck in this horrible cycle of fear, doubt, and emotional numbness. It started slowly — little intrusive thoughts like: • “Do I really love him?” • “What if I’m lying to him?” • “What if I never truly loved him, and I’m just realizing it now?” • “What if I’m wasting my youth in the wrong relationship?” And now? These thoughts feel louder than anything else. I don’t feel love anymore — not clearly. Sometimes I even feel repulsed or irritated. I hate admitting that, because I feel like a horrible person. He hasn’t done anything wrong — in fact, he just wants me to be happy and close again. But I feel like I’ve lost all my feelings, my sexual desire, my clarity, and my connection. It feels like my chest is heavy all the time. Every day I obsess: “Am I in denial?” “Is this ROCD, or is it just the truth?” “Should I break up? Should I stay?” “Am I wasting both our lives by not ending it?” “Why can’t I feel anything? Why can’t I be normal again?” I feel so guilty because I’m not treating him with love anymore. Sometimes I’m rude, cold, distant — and it kills me, because that’s not the kind of partner I want to be. I’m scared I’m ruining him and myself. What makes it worse is that I remember how things used to be — how safe I felt, how excited I was, how much I wanted him. But now, those memories feel so distant, like they happened to someone else. I feel disconnected from who I used to be, from him, and from myself. I keep thinking, “You’re only 18, you should be enjoying life, not crying every day over this.” I feel like I’m wasting my youth, my joy, my energy — but at the same time, I can’t leave. Because a part of me still wants to be with him. A part of me wants to want him again. But right now, I just feel broken and terrified and unsure of who I even am anymore. I’ve tried to talk to people close to me, but most don’t understand. Some get angry or say I’m overthinking. Others say “maybe it’s just not meant to be.” But it doesn’t feel that simple. Because if I didn’t care… I wouldn’t be this afraid. If I didn’t love him at all… I wouldn’t be this devastated by the idea of losing him. But what do you do when you want to love, and you can’t feel it? When your brain is screaming “THIS ISN’T RIGHT!” and your heart is too quiet to answer? Please… if anyone has been through this — if anyone has healed or has advice — I need to hear it. I want to be a kind partner again. I want to feel safe and clear again. I want to stop this spiral that’s been eating me alive. What helped you? What did you do when it felt so real and so final? How did you get through the days when all you felt was guilt and doubt and dread? Thank you for reading this. Even writing it helps me breathe a little. Please, if you’ve felt this way before… tell me how you kept going. 💔