Did anyone have these thoughts as kid?!! Or just me? 🙁 I specifically remember saying I can’t be gay but I guess I can be bi…. My brain uses this as proof. I also was terrified and anxious about anything gay related as I was growing up 😞

Me too! I was always anxious about it and never wanted to be perceived as gay in any way. That’s why when I got aroused by anything girl on girl I had to keep it some huge secret because if others knew than they would think I’m gay and that would be awful to me.

What do you identify as ?

Also so glad I’m not alone

@OCD33 I identify as straight female!

@Corie Do you struggle with this theme?

@OCD33 Yes it is my main theme and pretty much my only one, although it can go into rocd as well.

@Corie If you don’t mind me asking how old are you? And when did this theme start?

@OCD33 25, it started to get more than those thoughts when I was younger and severe/everyday debilitating thoughts at 21 just before turning 22

@Corie Okay I’m 26!! I had these thoughts as a kid but didn’t know I had ocd. I got diagnosed with ocd at 23!

@Corie How do you cope? Are you in ERP?

@OCD33 Yes I am through nocd. I went through their program twice and it has helped me a lot with my compulsions and resisting them

@Corie Are you on medication?! I guess my biggest fear is that I have never been turned on just looking at a man…. I need like touch, personality, love etc. OCD takes this as proof

@OCD33 I am not on medication

@Corie What are your biggest compulsions?

@OCD33 When this all started I did a lot of checking (looking at girls and guys to check arousal), googling, even masturbation to “test” myself. Those were the only ones I saw myself doing and stopped those more phsycial compulsions. Now I only ever do mental compulsions, reassuring myself, scanning my past for proof, proving and disproving thoughts, and rumination the loop of trying to actively figure it out all day. Now I barely do any and if I notice myself getting into a rumination trap I can get out of it. Now I just try to not reassure myself by checking the app or by me saying it isn’t true

@Corie Have you ever been “turned on” seeing women portrayed in a sexual way?

@OCD33 Yes, this and lesbian/gay sexual acts (porn, scenes in movies, pictures, seeing others even irl) has been stuff that has aroused me and “turned me on” since I was very young. This is the major proof/evidence my ocd uses against me. This also makes me super insecure as well like straight people don’t think or get turned on by this. So being comfortable myself in this way and accepting it is something I try to work on. I can barely call a girl hot, pretty, gorgeous without feeling like I’m gay and hiding it and “that’s why when I say it I’m uncomfortable”

@Corie Thank you for sharing this. This is what my ocd also gets hung up on as proof. Do you think it’s ocd? I have never had like feelings for a female or wanted a future with one… my ocd will say welll you have never been with a female so maybe you’d like it more 😑

@OCD33 I think so, I hope so!! 😂😂 I have never wanted to be with a girl, never had feelings for one, or wanted a future at all! Lol

@Corie Do you get turned on just by looking at a man?

@OCD33 No 😅 I have to be like attracted to him in some way and not just only physically