- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Me too! I was always anxious about it and never wanted to be perceived as gay in any way. Thatās why when I got aroused by anything girl on girl I had to keep it some huge secret because if others knew than they would think Iām gay and that would be awful to me.
What do you identify as ?
Also so glad Iām not alone
@OCD33 I identify as straight female!
@Corie Do you struggle with this theme?
@OCD33 Yes it is my main theme and pretty much my only one, although it can go into rocd as well.
@Corie If you donāt mind me asking how old are you? And when did this theme start?
@OCD33 25, it started to get more than those thoughts when I was younger and severe/everyday debilitating thoughts at 21 just before turning 22
@Corie Okay Iām 26!! I had these thoughts as a kid but didnāt know I had ocd. I got diagnosed with ocd at 23!
@Corie How do you cope? Are you in ERP?
@OCD33 Yes I am through nocd. I went through their program twice and it has helped me a lot with my compulsions and resisting them
@Corie Are you on medication?! I guess my biggest fear is that I have never been turned on just looking at a manā¦. I need like touch, personality, love etc. OCD takes this as proof
@OCD33 I am not on medication
@Corie What are your biggest compulsions?
@OCD33 When this all started I did a lot of checking (looking at girls and guys to check arousal), googling, even masturbation to ātestā myself. Those were the only ones I saw myself doing and stopped those more phsycial compulsions. Now I only ever do mental compulsions, reassuring myself, scanning my past for proof, proving and disproving thoughts, and rumination the loop of trying to actively figure it out all day. Now I barely do any and if I notice myself getting into a rumination trap I can get out of it. Now I just try to not reassure myself by checking the app or by me saying it isnāt true
@Corie Have you ever been āturned onā seeing women portrayed in a sexual way?
@OCD33 Yes, this and lesbian/gay sexual acts (porn, scenes in movies, pictures, seeing others even irl) has been stuff that has aroused me and āturned me onā since I was very young. This is the major proof/evidence my ocd uses against me. This also makes me super insecure as well like straight people donāt think or get turned on by this. So being comfortable myself in this way and accepting it is something I try to work on. I can barely call a girl hot, pretty, gorgeous without feeling like Iām gay and hiding it and āthatās why when I say it Iām uncomfortableā
@Corie Thank you for sharing this. This is what my ocd also gets hung up on as proof. Do you think itās ocd? I have never had like feelings for a female or wanted a future with one⦠my ocd will say welll you have never been with a female so maybe youād like it more š
@OCD33 I think so, I hope so!! šš I have never wanted to be with a girl, never had feelings for one, or wanted a future at all! Lol
@Corie Do you get turned on just by looking at a man?
@OCD33 No š I have to be like attracted to him in some way and not just only physically
@Corie Omg I feel so validated !!! I thought I was the only one
@OCD33 - hey how are you feeling?
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now theyāre just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself itās two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself itās alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if itās just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but itās confusing. On top of that Iāve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like Iād be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk Iāve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that Iām straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I donāt want, and then tries to convince me that I do. Itās painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I donāt want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but Iām terrified that one day Iāll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. Iāve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that Iām "bisexual." Iāve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge meātelling me, āYou donāt even know what love feels like.ā It wonāt shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that Iām a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond