******Trigger Warning HOCD ******** I have been struggling with sexual orientation OCD for almost 2 years in November. I have let it consume my life in every aspect and I feel such a loss of identity. I am in a heterosexual relationship with a partner I love so much but these intrusive thoughts are so difficult to comprehend. I think I have always had HOCD internalized fear, but nothing like it has been for the past 2 years almost. I have tried medication, therapy (not OCD therapist-I start that next week) and I am constantly seeking resurance. What I'm asking is, what is the next step? Will this ever end? How can I escape this dark reality?

I struggle with HOCD or SOOCD. I’m a married young woman to an amazing husband. I’ve had this since I was 16 but it only came in flair ups. However this round started in October, and it’s been really rough and I would just break down all the time. I went up on my medication and I actually noticed a difference! My thoughts were still very present but I wasn’t really paying attention to them or giving them power. HOWEVER right when I thought I was getting better, my brain started feeling and saying to myself that I just know I am bi but you want to make excuses for it like “oh it’s normal to find someone hot since we as a society have an interpretation of what that looks like” or “I see the girl as myself and that’s what ‘turns’ me on” or “well I mean that girl looks kind of like a man” and it’s it’s making me spiral. I won’t ever come out as Bi as deep in my soul I don’t feel I am. I have always wanted to be with men sexually and romantically and that has not changed but my brain is making me believe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. Please help me, what has helped you?

This is killing me slowly day by day, im a straight female 20 years old, i started getting hocd after a break up with an ex and coming off intense use of 🍁🍃 for a few years on and off, i think it has messed up my brain so bad… my hocd is weird because ive been with men my whole life always wanted to be with men.. i also used to always question every relationship “do i love him? Does he love me? Am I with the right person?” Anyways after my hocd triggered my tocd due to researching hocd and finding they can often be linked, I started getting tocd and it’s worse then ever because it’s not who I want to be and I’m going back to situations where my abusive ex partner called me a “man” during a fight. I’ve always been a tomboy but never had same sex attraction. Help. This is killing me. I haven’t been able to study or leave the house most days, and work! I’ve lost motivation for everything and I’m in a dark hole. I need some success stories please

I can remember the day I started having intrusive thoughts. I was so confused and scared. It’s been almost 3 months- does it get easier to manage? Currently taking medication and going to therapy, but this is all still very new, and very scary. Please tell me there’s relief in recovery..? I tend to isolate myself from my family, often. I’m tired, so so tired. :( Most days, I just stay on the couch or in bed. I don’t quite get as anxious, but like a “heart stopping” gut feeling when a thought pops up. I miss the me I was before the diagnosis. HOCD is scary and harder when it attacks the loved ones, spouse, in your home. :( My heart hurts.