Physical intimacy triggers can be so scary. It's hard cause it feels like, even when you do the thing and face the uncertainty anyway, it doesn't feel the way it always used to feel like to kiss your partner. It feels like it will be a thing that has some doubt tied to it forever :/

Yeah, I hear you. It's almost like I've been living inside this ocd cage for so long, always letting ocd tell me what to do, that now that I'm standing up to it and engaging in intimacy anyway, it feels wrong or like I should be worrying right now. It very quickly goes from enjoyable and something I wanted to initiate, to something plagued by ocd thoughts and what ifs and all the stuff that ocd wants you to think.

@Whatabtme Yup and on top of that I’m 90% sure I have sex anxiety so it’s like some part of me has always feared certain aspects of sex. I’ve made progress and I intimate and I enjoy it but I keep thinking it has to reach somewhere where I forget all about my worries but obviously that doesn’t happen and it hurts me a lot because it makes me feel like I’m hiding some ugly truth. My partner is so amazing and I want to be able to match his excitement in the bedroom but it’s so hard when I feel like a liar. I hate the idea of having sex with a woman or anyone else but him….

@PinkLotus I hear what you mean and I can relate a lot. I personally am bi not straight but what you say still resonates with me. It's like I can enjoy the physical sensations and initiating at first, but then the fear of intimacy, and the ocd, and sometimes even shame flings arise and make me want to retreat. It's hard to go all the way or move forward to have sex like I used to with him and it's been a huge roadblock for a long time in my ocd recovery journey. Like you said, having those experiences just reinforces the fear of being a fraud and it can be scary. I'm sorry you deal with that as well.

@Whatabtme I can only imagine that soocd is a million times more difficult being bisexual. I’m sorry we’re both going through this but I hope we find the strength and courage to continue 💕

@PinkLotus It's tough cause of all the stuff people say about bisexual women for sure. All the masterdocs and late bloomer stories used to terrify me cause it was a lot of bi women who layer realized they didn't like men at all. It's my biggest fear. But I'm sure it's just as scary for you or anyone else with soocd, regardless of our orientations. I hope we find some strength too! It made me smile and feel less alone that we could relate about this. 🤍Sometimes it feels so lonely to have soocd cause I don't talk to anyone in my life about it except my bf.

@Whatabtme Oh yeah there's definitely a lot of biphobia out there and of course there's always the grass is always greener on the other side syndrome. I'm glad I could give you a little bit of hope:) it helps me too and I hope we can get better. I only talk about it to my boyfriend too but I try not to talk about it too much because when I do he does feel a little insecure and that's the last thing I want. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to 💗

@PinkLotus For sure. I know it's hard for partners of people with ocd but I'm glad you have him to talk to about it! Here if you need someone to talk to as well!