I’m really freaking out abt what I read but it mentioned Ariel Castro and it was moslty about astrology and p word and how their charts are and it triggered bc what if I’m like that or since some astrology has some destined stuff what if that’s the path I’m destined on and it’s inevitable :( I hate these feelings so much and it just made me connect things to other things and I’m just freaked out It felt like I was gonna cry but I couldn’t :(

It just really sucks I have to go though this like before all this I hated pedofiles and wondered why they did the things they did and now it’s my ocd theme 😭 like the irony of it man

Not really like if I see anything involved with kids wherever I go I ignore it or sometimes I’ll try the unexpected exposure but not all the time mostly I’ll avoid , and what do you mean in the last part 😭 bc my abuser started to become attracted to me when I was like 11 or idek what was goin on in his mind if he ever was attracted to me when I was a child

@kathernyr I’m just trying to figure out my abusers mind 😭 on what made him a pedo :( But I’m also scared that I’ll be the same as him or even worse

@kathernyr Don’t sit there & try to figure out the unknown. OCD has made me try to give it an answer but its never satisfied

@hunty How do you stop to figure them out when it’s so tempting to 😭

@kathernyr pedophiles have less white matter in their brains i believe so instead of the natural nurturing children they have a taboo desire and have an attraction to them . pocd cannot manifest itself into reality, you either are attracted to kids or you aren’t . if you were a pedophile you’d have known this by puberty

@hunty I don’t mean to sound dumb but what is white matter ?😭😅

@kathernyr girl idk it white matter in da brain lol apparently ocd sufferers do not have sufficient grey matter that y we feel like this

@hunty But the weird thing is that he was only like that with me 😭 or idk maybe he kept to himself on his behavior but ugh it’s just so weird :/ bc he was also my stepfather..

@hunty 😭 lolll

@kathernyr pedophiles can be attracted to adults & children, or just children . maybe he had a certain age he liked to prey on, which was yours at 11 but does not make it ok at all. I’m so sorry bbgirl! 💕 it truly hurts me & repulses me that he acted on that, if he were any man at all he could’ve kept his grotesque desires in his mind. now he’s unaware of the psychological damage he’s inflicted on you. all i can advise you on for sure is to quit looking up pedophilic behaviors, I regret looking up pedophiles too because then i overthink and over identify with thoughts.

@hunty Yeah I told my friend and she said it was like that Lolita movie or something which makes sense and stuff he’s said to me that he thought abt when he first saw me (when I was a child) it wasn’t even doing it was mostly his behavior things he would say, how he would look at me, and just being a creep but he did molest me.. it’s just so much 😭 I want to get help but I’m still afraid and I tried to tell my mom but she doesn’t understand. :( so it doesn’t really convince her that it’s serious

@hunty Thanks 💕🥲 and I def will stop looking up scary stuff or finding them