Question... is this a compulsion? So even when I’m not anxious or triggered I still always look at / read HOCD posts. Ex... I’m just sitting on the couch and in my mind I’m like let me go read some posts from others with HOCD. Hoping that I am reassured because I relate to them & then I feel relieved when I do. I spend minutes / hours doing this everyday / every other day. Is this still a compulsion even tho there was no anxiety / trigger that caused me to go do it? Does anyone else find themselves doing this?

Hey all, I’ve been having some ebbs and flows in recovery, but for the most part I’ve really had a lot of improvements in quality of life since starting treatment in 2023. Something that really trips me up is ruminating on my past and looking for “evidence” or “proof” that the things that I’m obsessed with are real and not OCD. I spend quite a lot of time doing this. I wasn’t fully aware I was doing it until recently. Example: that I’m secretly gay and lying to everyone (I’m bi), that I’m a horrible person deep down, that I’ve never actually loved any person including my family, that I have the “wrong” political or religious beliefs. I look for proof in every corner of my past. It makes some sense that I think this way because with my previous therapist, who I saw for 8 years and did not diagnose me with OCD, we would look for evidence and proof that my obsessions are irrational and I learned to deal with them that way. At the time it was a lot of health concern and contamination themes, but I literally learned to ruminate and search for relief. But I just kept getting sicker and sicker until I got diagnosed with OCD. It’s a frustrating compulsion that keeps showing up for me. What if these scary things are true? What if it’s not OCD at all and I’m in denial? Have I lied my way into thinking I have OCD? It’s so hard. Anyway, I’m curious if anyone else has come across this in recovery? Let me know your thoughts and I hope you’re well. ❤️

I already wrote about this and you really helped me, but now I wondered?! During the erp, I look at a picture of that person with some grimaces that the brain sexualizes, otherwise I have incest ocd! The person is of my gender, I'm not gay otherwise. And then, based on those facial expressions, the brain creates sexual images in my head, which I often feel as sexual and mental arousel. It is enough to see the picture or hear the voice of that person! Based on the pictures it gives me the idea of ​​sexually touching myself on it and climaxing while watching. I feel an urge (I tried something like that a few times ago and now I'm afraid of it), and then the exercise is over, but I stay until I get the answer I want and the feelings that would calm me down, but that happens less and less... Have you had any experience, and is it a compulsion? how can I stay after exercise with that feeling of reality.. Thank you in advance❤️

Often I listen to podcasts or audiobooks. Sometimes fiction, sometimes about ocd or anxiety. I did this before i got so consumed with ocd again. But no i am doubting myself if i do this to distract myself. I do it while doing chores or when I put on my make-up for example. And I have to admit it helps me to get distracted from my thoughts. How do you know when you do it to distract your thoughts (as a compulsion) or just because you like it? When do you know it is helpfull or not?