Do any other straight girls find that they’re SOOCD has links with their body image/dysmorphia struggles?
I know that might sound really confusing, but hear me out…
So, I’m very unhappy with the way I look. My mum always says that she thinks I have body dysmorphia. I’m not sure though. Either way, obsessing over my appearance dominates my every day life, and steals a lot of my happiness.
Because of my obsession (not OCD related I don’t think), I constantly stare at beautiful girls. I stare at Kendall Jenner and other Victoria secret models wishing that I looked like them, I stare at pretty girls I see in school, wishing I was them. I scroll down my tik tok, and stop on girls who have perfect figures and perfect faces and teeth, just wishing that I could wake up one day and look like them and subsequently effecting the algorithm, skewing it into showing me these videos more often.
And then I saw a tik tok.
‘When you thought you wanted to be her, but really you wanted to be WITH her’…
I panicked. ‘What if that’s me?’. It was so backwards because I KNOW that’s not the case, and I don’t look at beautiful girls because I’m attracted to them,
but then I doubt myself… ‘what if I’m gay, and JUST don’t know yet?’, and that knocks the dominoes and I go into a mental breakdown usually. Confused. Embarrassingly I start to get groinals when I look at these girls because I’m obsessing so much about the possibility that I could be gay.
I’m very attracted to men, so I know I’m not GAY, but I start to think ‘what if im BI and just don’t know it?’
I don’t understand it because I’m not in any way attracted to women, so why am I obsessing? God. This theme is SO confusing.