- Username
- josie12
- Date posted
- 3y ago
And when you do look at males, for reassurance, (again something I personally struggle with) I'm not letting my own mind work. It's my ocd taking over. I'm focusing on making sure I'm attracted to him for being a male. Which sends my mind into a funk and triggers the ocd
yes this too!!!!
I struggle with the same thing. You are not alone I promise you that
It’s just the whole hocd has took a toll on my life I just feel sad and stressed and sometimes I just feel like everyday is deja by cause I can’t get over this and I know I’m not in denial cause I have no attraction or feelings it’s just the thoughts of the dream making me spiral into what ifs and that’s and thank you I’m glad I’m not alone :)
What are some of your Triggers?
So what should I do should I just stop trying to figure out my attraction and let it be or do you think I should get therapy to try help this problem
Depending how often you obsess over it. It took over my life so I'm currently going through treatment with med/therapy.
my therapist made my problem worse. she just freaked me out and i was getting better on my own and then i spiraled again
@miamigirl Finding a therapist and or medication that works for you is always trial and error. Took me atleast 5 different therapist to be able to connect with somebody
Because what happens when I look at a male and I don't think he is attractive? Or maybe not my type? I convince myself it's because I'm gay. It's a horrible cycle:(
yessss!!! this is my issue too. i’m very picky and i like to see guys in person rather than on the internet obviously. but this has been my issue as well. but when all is back to normal that is back to normal as well because i have no doubts
@miamigirl I always had the horrible habit of comparing myself to other females even from toddler age to see what I should look like or act like etc. Then ocd tells me I was attracted to them. Ocd is so confusing :(
@ocd_sufferer8 yes me too!!! and when someone was pretty i always tried to copy them to be even prettier hahah
@miamigirl YES!!! Or being friends with the popular girls!!!! At the time I wanted to dress/act like them for attention from boys in middle school, now I'm like, was it me admiring them???? Or me being attracted???? Ughhhhh!
@ocd_sufferer8 I WAS JUST THINKING OF THAT!! there was this pretty popular girl and i always wanted to be one of them/ be friends with them so i could be noticed by the boys and my ocd is telling me nope u were just attracted to them lmao. and i know that’s not true because i never even thought about that stuff before i had my ocd onset anyways fuck this
I know it’s so confusing like why does it convinces us otherwise why can’t it just go away and what ever we are feeling is okay and it doesn’t always have to be something that needs a label . I kind of obsess about it too much I think if I think too much I’ll completely come off boys but at the same time I have no attraction towards girls so I’m just so confused and I tried everything to try help like books sprays to calm myself talking to my doctor I’m just so afraid a therapist won’t help and i will be stuck in this what ifs spiral forever
i feel you :((( that’s another example of it being ocd because everything needs to be for certain. i don’t even know if i’ll feel better anymore
@miamigirl I’m so glad you feel the same I really thought I was going through some type of denial even though I knew I don’t feel that way for girls but when I started searching online and read an article about hocd and read the comments and hearing people having the same thoughts about having extreme thoughts but not actually wanting g or attraction to girls I felt so relieved . The only problem is I can’t stop the panicking or the stressing it won’t go I feel I panic and cry cause I don’t know what to do
@josie12 look at how many of us are going through the same thing!! all of us think we’re in denial lol
I think its when I’m alone and I started thinking or when I’m in school and I start to panicking not knowing who I am . Sometimes I panic when my leaves because I feel overthinking this whole hocd is confusing my feelings for him I just wanna go back to normal I was happy and never second guessed it myself
how do u know u don’t have feelings for girls? I truly don’t know anymore. I also have hocd but it feels like denial since it feels like I do have feelings for girls. It could be false attraction but its so real. and I have 0 feelings for guys now. It seems like Ive never even liked men. And I get thoughts like “girls are prettier than men” “why would you wanna be straight if you don’t even like men?” “girls are so much better than men” Does it looks like denial? Idek if Im straight anymore. I truly feel lesbian :(
this helps me out because when it’s real u don’t lose feelings for the other gender
@miamigirl wait what? im not sure what u mean. Do u think this sounds like denial?
@strawberry ice cream I think it is different for everyone based on what your mind is focusing/obsessing over. When you are focusing on girls, obsessing over the thought of not being heterosexual, it's normal to loose interest in males because you aren't looking at males. Your brain is telling you to do something else. Atleast that is what I struggle with
@ocd_sufferer8 this is what i meant yes exactly !!
@ocd_sufferer8 and you start looking at women differently, not like usual, it makes me so uncomfortable and it’s like i’m forcing it. it’s like everyone is attractive when i know that’s not possibly true
@miamigirl Yes!!! It's the confusion between trying to decipher whether it's attraction or if I just think a girl is simply pretty.
@miamigirl ohh i relate to this!!
Ya I’m little confused too what do you mean when it’s real u don’t lose feelings
what ocd_sufferer8 said
also i’m scared when my brain calms down to think about absolutely anything. i know ocd will latch onto it and run with it and make me ruminate for hours on end
*ocd vent/story because i am not so sure if it’s ocd anymore* I always have anxiety attacks because of my ocd. I used to have ocd concerning how I looked like, with ticks and everything. I started comparing myself to every girl i found and that’s how I started noticing pretty people, mostly girls because i kept comparing myself to them. I told my parents and all they did was give me reassurance. it kind of made me feel better but just for the night. I had an anxiety attack every. Single. Day. I cried because of how my face looked like. But then, my hocd thoughts started out of nowhere with a dream where I was kissing my girl best friend. I was disgusted by it. I clearly remember in the dream that she enjoyed it more than me. I didn’t enjoy it at all. That’s when those thoughts about my body left me. I was completely surprised by it since I that came out of nowhere, I’d never had felt like that before, and I knew it was fake. Well, I dropped it and then around 2 weeks later I saw a friend and all I could think about was “what if I like her” and everything. I gave myself reassurance with quizzes online to see if I was bi and it said no so I dropped it again and didn’t really think about it. Then, again, 2 weeks later the thought came out of nowhere when I was watching a video. Then I first started thinking I could be bi. But again I woke up one day thinking I was a lesbian and those thoughts didn’t leave me alone. I started crying every single day because of them. I couldn’t even watch a movie with girls in it because it made me feel anxious. I slowly started losing my attraction then. I found out about hocd and i instantly knew that was me. Well, I was disgusted by being intimate with girls. But then my ocd kept getting worse and worse until I didn’t know if I would like them or not. Every single guy or girl I saw I imagine to see if I could like a relationship with one. When I see a hot guy and can’t imagine myself with one I put myself down because my head keeps using that as evidence. Every couple I see I now think the girl is pretty than the guy and it really bothers me. I can see a hot guy and feel nothing. The worse thing is I used to have a small crush before this happened. I hate this, I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. My head keeps telling me “you’re a lesbian” even when I am not doing anything. When I am happy I put myself down because my head keeps telling me “you’re a lesbian” and I think I am going to disappoint my parents. Or when people talk about my sisters boyfriend I just can’t imagine myself with a boyfriend anymore, all I could think about is the word “girlfriend” and it really bothers me. I keep thinking If i am ever going to be as close with a guy as my sister is with her boyfriend- always kissing him. But when I try imaging it and intrussive thought of a girl comes along. Sometimes they even are of how my life would be with a girl, and it makes me so anxious and fearful because i don’t know if I would like it or not, i don’t really know what i am feeling anymore. I am not ready to have a relationship yet but it would be nice to not have these thoughts and know for sure. Sorry if this is so long, I just don’t know anyone that’s having the thoughts I am having right now concerning my ocd, I am not sure of anything anymore.
I look at straight couples and cry cause i will never be able to have that. The thought of being happy with another girl makes me sad, and i feel bad that it makes me sad cause then it feeds my horrible person ocd and makes me feel homophobic cause nothings wrong with it but i dont want to be with a girl and dont want to be lesbian cause i dont want girls or dont want to desire them. And the thought of never being happy with a boy makes it even worse. Then im scared i’m actually okay with that thought. I always dreamt of being with a boy and now i can’t even fantasize about kissing and cuddling. Cause suddenly i feel like kissing a boy is gross and cuddling i feel nothing. AND I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I JUST WANNA BE ABLE TO BE WITH A GUY AND FEEL ATTRACTED TO THEM. And i dont know why i want it so bad but i do. I want it so bad but i cant have it. I just can’t handle this anymore. The fear, the stress, the not knowing, the confusion. My mind at war. Feeling as if my mind and body are at war. My body responds to something and my mind hates it and freaks out and doesnt want it. Hocd is a fucking demon and i feel like jumping off a cliff rn. Anything would be better than this, anything.
Hi just for reference, I’m a girl, I’m almost 17 and I’ve been boy crazy for pretty much all my life. I- I don’t even know what to think anymore, I identify as straight and enjoy thinking about men sexually and emotionally, but I can also masterbate to women weirdly enough? I’ve been diagnosed with pure ocd and I have no desire to have any sexual or emotional relationships with women in real life, and I’ve had hocd for over a year now, but I can masterbate to weird things sometimes and I know I’m not supposed to but I compulsively search things up very often and from what I’ve found most people would say that it would mean that I’m bi. The idea of being bi or gay has made me hyperventilate and cry god knows how many times, at this point I wouldn’t even be angry if I was bi or gay but I know that I’m not. My head keeps telling me that since I can masterbate to gay thoughts or lesbian thoughts sometimes that it means that I’m not straight even though I have no desire to do anything even remotely close to that in real life. This is one of my worst themes of ocd so far as compared to other people who have hocd they don’t get turned on or finish thinking about these things and I do but I don’t identify as bi or gay. I just, I don’t know what to do anymore? I was hoping someone on here goes through the same thing? And I’d really rather not hear that it’s just me denying it, I have a few people I talk to and occasionally when I bring it up they just say I’m in denial so I really don’t know what to do anymore.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond