I have been crying all day. I feel like no one understands. I feel like somethings terribly wrong. I say to myself that I would never harm anyone and my mind comes back on me and says “yeah you would”. I tell my self that it’s disgusting and terrible and my mind says “no it’s not” or “you like/want it don’t you?” And then I go on this endless spiral of what if’s. What if I am in denial? What if I am a monster and I just don’t know it yet? What if this is the end of me? What if I have to kms? What if this pain never goes away? What if my thoughts are the deciding factor and then everyone is going to find out, hate me or want me gone. I never asked for this. I never wanted this. I don’t want to become what I fear. I have POCD that’s it. I downright REFUSE to let it be anything else… So I pray to God to heal me right now in Jesus name. Calm my mind and give me strength. There has to be a way to make this all go away for good. I just can’t seem to figure any of this out. Why me God, why me?

Hi friends. I recently had a relapse with OCD and I haven’t felt that real intense pain/fear/panic since I was first diagnosed 3 years ago. It was awful. I’ve been on medication and going to therapy for some time, and I am happy to report I have grown a lot. Long story short, it’s just become a burden for me recently trying to understand why this had to happen to me (and all of you). When I first started following Jesus, it was such a spiritual high. I had so much peace and joy, and I think within that first year with Him I became obsessed with the Bible and learning as much as I could. I think it was a sweet time, but suddenly a switch flipped. I became concerned that all my head knowledge, though I took to heart, became all I cared about. Then all the intrusive thoughts started, and you know the rest. I was relieved when I got my diagnosis, to know that scrupulosity is even a thing. But today, I sit and realize my OCD has taken on other forms (existential/fear of going insane) and then of course I started asking God “why me?”. And then… of course.. I feel bad for asking that. And then it triggered that same old feeling that I’m not in right standing with God. It’s so meta I can’t take it. Does anyone wonder why this had to be? I know the typical answers “we live in a broken world” and “God will use this for His glory” but is anyone just able to sit in that frustration, and work it out? I want to keep fighting, try understanding, like there’s this itch in me that I need to “figure out” something. But I know God isn’t the voice that’s speaking that to me. But gosh, it’s so brutal and hard. I believe God is carrying me through this. 2 Corinthians 12 has been a blessing for this. I just feel so weak. I get upset this is happening, start doubting God, and then feel guilty. It’s a stupid cycle and I see it. I have a very intellectual mind, and I find that most people with this kind of OCD share this trait. But it’s like, the logic doesn’t help. I just want God to sit in my bedroom and tell me it’s real, my faith is intact, and to keep trusting. I don’t know why He won’t do that for me, and I feel guilty for even feeling that way. Anyways, I don’t know what I’m seeking here, but for anyone feeling this way, know you’re not alone. I deeply love you all, even though we are all strangers. 1 Peter 5:9… right?

Please help. I have felt so off/wrong all day. I constantly worry that the “bad guy” is going to get me. I have awful thoughts and I constantly want God to know that I don’t mean these thoughts. I am at a point in my therapy where I need to choose to use my ERP but it feels too scary. I then do compulsions, which makes the OCD worse, which makes me want to use ERP less. And the cycle goes on. I am currently sitting in my car crying because I feel so lost and exhausted. I’m not supposed to figure out my thoughts, but today I just went into a spiral of sadness and depression, thinking that I will always feel like this. When my thoughts got really bad at the end of the day, I tried to use ERP even though I was shaking and not believing my responses and I ended up feeling like I missed something and that I gave into the “bad guy.” I have no one to talk when I’m not doing therapy twice a week. I am alone and have no one to talk to when I am like this… please help

I have religious OCD and the thoughts have been becoming really bad. I’ve been hitting myself punching myself screaming quietly if that makes sense pulling my hair out talking to myself nonstop. I can’t even hang out with my family without doing these things or going to another room to do these things, these thoughts of overtaking my life I will always be Christian God is most important to me and I’m so scared because these thoughts are terrible. They’re disgusting they never ending. There’s always something going on in my mind. I don’t understand. I’m scared. I’m turning into a bad person. I don’t wanna dishonor the Lord God, I don’t know if this is just OCD or something else.