About to do the ultimate exposure…lol Propose to my gf in spite of my soocd…not waiting for reassurance to marry. My soocd was holding me back

So I just had like a huge breakthrough. I often look for a feeling when I’m with him. And when I don’t I freak out mentally and it’s weird it’s hard it figure out why. But I was like doing my exposure and thought you know I choose this. I don’t need to do anything about this feeling I choose to love him on facts not feelings. So this doesn’t have to mean ANYTHING, I choose to love him despite knowing he’s not super conventionally attractive. It’s my choice , “what if I really don’t wanna be though” no it’s a choice that can’t be true if it’s a choice that means I do really want to be with him bc I’m still choosing him. If I didn’t wanna be with him I wouldn’t be with him and have no reason not t be. It’s a choice despite how you feel Evry day.

Wanna marry my partner , have no excitement feelings? Scared to lose attraction? Can’t see clear? Even though I have every right and reason to

People with soocd don’t really talk enough about how it makes us forget that even if it were true logically we wouldn’t lose attraction but gain another 😂😂when soocd isn’t hitting my brain actually brains and go like if my ocd was right I could still marry a man as I have always wanted because I would then be bi not gay. Soocd makes us throw our brain out the moment it grips us. I hope your soocd gets better