Magzzz
- Date posted
- 4y
JessA 🌞JessA 🌞
- Date posted
- 4y
Trying to rid these thoughts will make them stronger. You need to stop doing compulsions
MagzzzMagzzz
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you I will try
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
What thought precisely? Is it about harm directed to kids? I can relate. Harm, abuse, violate, thats never ever ever been in my vocabulary. I’ve always been a very civil person. OCD is really testing me.
MagzzzMagzzz
- Date posted
- 4y
It was a sexual intrusive thought about a family member and my mind keeps telling me what I said above. I’m so scared
MagzzzMagzzz
- Date posted
- 4y
It has to be ocd. I refuse to let it be anything else. I don’t even want to go around my family member ever again I know I would never harm them that’s not the issue. The issue is the intrusive thoughts feel so real as if I want them or worse. But that can’t be. It just can’t. I would rather give up than let it be true
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
@Just Breathe ❤️ girl I’ve gotten very unwanted sexual intrusive thoughts about my parents , TOGETHER . like literally they were consoling me in bed one night because i was ocd crying & ocd asked me to tell them if they wanted to have an orgy . & it almost felt like an urge that I’d say it . lmao it was creepy , but I’ve decided not to take thoughts so seriously anymore :-) just push yourself to be around that family member , it has to pass! I had thoughts that I was attracted to my dad because I had a very unwanted sexual intrusive thought about him then the next day ocd was like you’re attracted to your dad , & because you’re attracted to your dad you must be attracted to your dogs . Like what in the fuck , so I forced myself to be around my dad & pushed myself through the awkwardness , & its all ok now. It was a bit triggering writing all that but hope it helps
MagzzzMagzzz
- Date posted
- 4y
@hunty That’s the thing they don’t feel unwanted does that make sense? I know deep down they are but they don’t feel that way. Could it just be ocd tricking me or twisting it? It just doesn’t make sense. Before I could definitely tell they were unwanted and not true but for some reason this specific thought I had (that won’t go away btw) 2 days ago is telling me the complete opposite and I’m literally terrified. I want to die I’m so terrified
MagzzzMagzzz
- Date posted
- 4y
@hunty Oh I totally get that I really do. I’ve had intrusive thoughts about my parents, my grandma, my friends and my other family members. I honestly don’t know what to do. It feel so real and I can’t let it go because I feel like I have to figure it out. I keep thinking “what if” ya know? What the hell is wrong with me? I never wanted this. I never asked for this. So why me?
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
@Just Breathe ❤️ I get it!!! Definitely, but they are lies. & I believe what you might be suffering from is false attraction. If you ever think “could this be ocd” it def is. Please remember that OCD can disguise lies as desires. A week before I went into treatment for pocd, OCD flared. “dont you want to be a p?” “you should be attracted to kids” all of this fucked up thinking when truth is I am just not attracted to kids at all. OCD will really make you feel like something is wrong with you for not doing or being what it is asking you.
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
@Just Breathe ❤️ It convinced me that I should be a p & something was wrong with me for not being that LOL which is so dumb . So yeah before treatment I was dying to not be a p then when I got treatment ocd flared & was telling me that I did want to be a p. So same with you, when you know & realize you dont want to do what its telling you , it’ll disguise itself & root itself in any way to convince you otherwise. I know I’ve given you reassurance, which is bad. but sometimes we desperately need it
MagzzzMagzzz
- Date posted
- 4y
@hunty So an intrusive thought can feel like a desire? I’m hoping that it’s ocd and false attraction whatever I don’t want it to be the real thing. You have no idea how much this is helping me. I know reassurance is bad but I’m sorry I really needed it. I can’t put up with this anymore I swear. I would do anything to make it go away
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
@Just Breathe ❤️ hun yes, if you want it to go away that ensures its not yours!!! & yes its lies not desires . thats why it makes you sooo uncomfortable
MagzzzMagzzz
- Date posted
- 4y
@hunty So to kind of give you an idea of what it was, I had an intrusive thought that was random that popped up about my niece who ocd has attacked so many times because I love her to death and would do anything to protect her. This was 2 nights ago. I was just laying in bed and got a random thought which has happened before but this time it’s like something was different. I remember I did what I normally do. I tried to talk to myself and said “just ignore it. Just let it pass” but it wouldn’t. It got stickier and worse. It was unfortunately a very disturbing and disgusting thought I would never want to have triggered by something I’ve seen in a movie (adults of course) and then my mind kept telling me that I liked/wanted it when I definitely did not but I for some reason couldn’t convince myself that no matter how hard I tried to. And I realllllllly tried to. I tried to think about something else and tried to move on from it and I couldn’t. So then I got more and more intrusive thoughts and they just flooded in and there was nothing I could do. So then I thought we’ll maybe if I watch a couple videos on YouTube about ocd and see if maybe they will mention it and it will go away. Wrong. They barely mentioned anything about what I was experiencing which led me to believe it was true so then I freaked out more and it went on. Yesterday I even called off work and laid in my bed and cried all day and had panic attacks all day because I was convinced I had turned into a monster. No matter what I did, whether it was praying or distracting myself, it came back stronger. I would try to argue with it and say “I don’t like it. I would never like it it’s wrong and disgusting and I know for a fact it would never even happen” but nope it wasn’t having that. It came back stronger and there was nothing I could do. All day yesterday I felt suicidal (I’m not going to do anything don’t worry) but it felt like the only option because I have told myself that I would rather die than become a p. So no matter what I do, my mind just won’t give me a break. I’ve prayed and prayed for help and I got nothing so at this point I’m desperate for help…sorry this is so long but I had to get it out
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
@Just Breathe ❤️ Its ok, the problem is trying to convince yourself & trying to come to a clear conclusion. When ocd just wont let you ! Its literally a revolving door & no answer pleases it at all. I’ve told myself too I’d rather die than to hurt a child, I’d rather wear a chastity belt than to sexually abuse anything . OCD sufferers are the nicest people & would rather harm ourselves than others , so when thoughts come , you need to do proper ERP . “maybe I would harm my niece, maybe I wouldn’t” “maybe I do like the thought of harming my niece, maybe I don’t” “maybe I want to harm my niece, maybe I don’t”
MagzzzMagzzz
- Date posted
- 4y
@hunty I will try to do erp but it’s so hard because when I say that it’s like it wants to choose maybe and not maybe not and I’m terrified what if it’s true then
MagzzzMagzzz
- Date posted
- 4y
@hunty I don’t get why this is happening to me
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
@Just Breathe ❤️ my mind fixates on the maybe yes part too
MagzzzMagzzz
- Date posted
- 4y
@hunty So I’m not alone? I just want to feel ok again. This is all too painful
huntyhunty
- Date posted
- 4y
@Just Breathe ❤️ your symptoms are no surprise, you are not alone.
MagzzzMagzzz
- Date posted
- 4y
@hunty Thank you so so much I truly appreciate it
MagzzzMagzzz
- Date posted
- 4y
@hunty I’m so very sorry that keep going to this but it still feels so real. I want to give up. I’m scared what if it’s true and I do want it 😭💔 this can’t be happening to me
Related posts
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 22w
My brain hates me (18+)
It’s like my brain is doing everything in its power to convince myself and also justify an attraction to teenagers. I hate myself. I don’t want to be this person, but what if I don’t have a choice. How do I get these thoughts out of my head permanently. I feel like my life will never be the same if they don’t leave forever. I can’t tell what is a real desire and what OCD is trying to convince me is a real desire. I can’t do this every day for the rest of my life. I don’t want to hurt anyone, or I don’t think I do but how do I even tell anymore. This might not even be OCD at this point, I can’t separate my thoughts from OCD thoughts I think because I’ve had OCD for so long so it all just feels like me. Maybe it is me. TMI but I haven’t pleasured myself in like a week because my libido is so low now, I don’t want to do it with these thoughts.
Givenup
- Date posted
- 19w
Pocd and 13 years old...
What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭 It’s making me feel like I know I’m a P or a chomo when I don't ever want to ever be those things… I perform avoidance compulsions all the time and I don’t want to be anywhere around kids… even accidentally standing next to one makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and anxious… it’s making me feel like that I know I’m what my POCD and real events OCD are telling me even when a former ocd psychiatrist has told me that the real events don’t make me a P or a chomo… In addition it’s making me feel like I’m what my ocd tells me that I am… I didn’t know how horrible the real events were at the time when I was 13… I really didn’t… my POCD and real events OCD keeps calling me a P and a Chomo for what happened when I was 13 when I didn’t know what any of that stuff was… I truly didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… It’s making me think I am a rapist because of the real events too… my POCD just keeps telling me that I’m a P or a chomo or in worst case a child rpist when I don’t ever want to ever be those things in any way 😭😭😭 it’s giving me intrusive thoughts about more details of the real events and this feeling in my head that hurts… I don’t ever want to ever be a p or a chomo in any way… I don’t ever want to harm anyone, especially children… I don’t ever want to ever be anything my intrusive thoughts tell me I am…
Toasterstreu...
- Date posted
- 13w
OCD. Please tell me I’m not alone.
This is going to sound crazy but I guess I am. For over a year now I’ve suffered from ocd. And I always thought ocd was just I turned the door the wrong way but it’s so much more. I feel as if I’ll never get better. I’m in a relationship, for 8 months now with the most encouraging and supportive boyfriend ever. I tell him all of my thoughts and he understands and accepts because he understands it’s not thoughts I mean to have. I feel so awful being the way I am and being with him. I feel like I can’t be happy because it’s always something going on with me. He has a bigger family all boys, and everyone I hangout with my boyfriend and his brothers I get uncomfortable and weird and convince myself I have feelings for them or I want them. It makes me so disgusted and physically ill every time. The thoughts never go away and it’s not even about them it’s tons of things. I cry constantly because I can’t get the thoughts to go away. I can’t hang out with anybody out of fear I’ll have a thought I don’t want. I feel like I’m so alone. A year ago I felt the same way about my dad which I know is absolutely disgusting and I would never have feelings for my own family and dad, bit thoughts pop into my head. I don’t know if it’s because my brain wants a reason and answer as to why I think those things so I tell myself I like them, but I can’t shake it. I’m trying medicines and hopefully getting into therapy soon. I just don’t know if it ever is going to get better. Some days are better than others and every time I have a bad thought I get heat flashes and and my stomach hurts and I get anxiety and I just want it all to go away. I hate it so much and I feel as if I’ll never be normal again and never be able to live my life freely. I have to constantly worry about what my brain might come up with. These are not thoughts I want to have but somehow my brain has them and I feel so disgusted and I need help so badly. I never know what to do and i feel like an awful human being. I convince myself these things are try when I know they aren’t deep down. I’m losing my charachter and I’m losing myself and the person I know I am which would never have thoughts like these. I want it all to go away. Please tell me it gets better. I don’t recognize myself anymore.
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