TW POCD I tell myself I don’t like/want the intrusive thought I literally have been arguing with it for the past couple of days and it just gets worse and worse. What if I actually do? I keep telling it no, never. I’m scared to death what does it mean. What can I do to make this better? I would do anything to make it go away. I want to give up I really do. I don’t even want to go around anyone because what if it’s real. Before I would feel so much anxiety and guilt and now it just feels real. It can’t be it just can’t. I want to cry and cry and not go around anyone. I’m ashamed and scared and I feel like I’m never going to get better. Seriously what can I do? I don’t have a therapist anymore because I lost mine through NOCD (long story) and now I’m trying to get another one so I can’t talk to anyone about it yet. I’ve talked to my mom about it because I was deeply confused and concerned and she told me that if it was actually real, I wouldn’t care so much. I truly care. I care a lot. It’s not in my morals whatsoever to harm anyone or want to or like to, whatever. So why in the world is my mind trying to convince me of something that isn’t true and can’t be true. I swear on my life I don’t want it. So why does it feel like it. Why God why me? What did I ever do to deserve this?! Please please please go away forever that’s all I ask 💔

Thank you I will try

It was a sexual intrusive thought about a family member and my mind keeps telling me what I said above. I’m so scared

It has to be ocd. I refuse to let it be anything else. I don’t even want to go around my family member ever again I know I would never harm them that’s not the issue. The issue is the intrusive thoughts feel so real as if I want them or worse. But that can’t be. It just can’t. I would rather give up than let it be true

@Just Breathe ❤️ girl I’ve gotten very unwanted sexual intrusive thoughts about my parents , TOGETHER . like literally they were consoling me in bed one night because i was ocd crying & ocd asked me to tell them if they wanted to have an orgy . & it almost felt like an urge that I’d say it . lmao it was creepy , but I’ve decided not to take thoughts so seriously anymore :-) just push yourself to be around that family member , it has to pass! I had thoughts that I was attracted to my dad because I had a very unwanted sexual intrusive thought about him then the next day ocd was like you’re attracted to your dad , & because you’re attracted to your dad you must be attracted to your dogs . Like what in the fuck , so I forced myself to be around my dad & pushed myself through the awkwardness , & its all ok now. It was a bit triggering writing all that but hope it helps

@hunty That’s the thing they don’t feel unwanted does that make sense? I know deep down they are but they don’t feel that way. Could it just be ocd tricking me or twisting it? It just doesn’t make sense. Before I could definitely tell they were unwanted and not true but for some reason this specific thought I had (that won’t go away btw) 2 days ago is telling me the complete opposite and I’m literally terrified. I want to die I’m so terrified

@hunty Oh I totally get that I really do. I’ve had intrusive thoughts about my parents, my grandma, my friends and my other family members. I honestly don’t know what to do. It feel so real and I can’t let it go because I feel like I have to figure it out. I keep thinking “what if” ya know? What the hell is wrong with me? I never wanted this. I never asked for this. So why me?

@Just Breathe ❤️ I get it!!! Definitely, but they are lies. & I believe what you might be suffering from is false attraction. If you ever think “could this be ocd” it def is. Please remember that OCD can disguise lies as desires. A week before I went into treatment for pocd, OCD flared. “dont you want to be a p?” “you should be attracted to kids” all of this fucked up thinking when truth is I am just not attracted to kids at all. OCD will really make you feel like something is wrong with you for not doing or being what it is asking you.

@Just Breathe ❤️ It convinced me that I should be a p & something was wrong with me for not being that LOL which is so dumb . So yeah before treatment I was dying to not be a p then when I got treatment ocd flared & was telling me that I did want to be a p. So same with you, when you know & realize you dont want to do what its telling you , it’ll disguise itself & root itself in any way to convince you otherwise. I know I’ve given you reassurance, which is bad. but sometimes we desperately need it

@hunty So an intrusive thought can feel like a desire? I’m hoping that it’s ocd and false attraction whatever I don’t want it to be the real thing. You have no idea how much this is helping me. I know reassurance is bad but I’m sorry I really needed it. I can’t put up with this anymore I swear. I would do anything to make it go away

@Just Breathe ❤️ hun yes, if you want it to go away that ensures its not yours!!! & yes its lies not desires . thats why it makes you sooo uncomfortable

@hunty So to kind of give you an idea of what it was, I had an intrusive thought that was random that popped up about my niece who ocd has attacked so many times because I love her to death and would do anything to protect her. This was 2 nights ago. I was just laying in bed and got a random thought which has happened before but this time it’s like something was different. I remember I did what I normally do. I tried to talk to myself and said “just ignore it. Just let it pass” but it wouldn’t. It got stickier and worse. It was unfortunately a very disturbing and disgusting thought I would never want to have triggered by something I’ve seen in a movie (adults of course) and then my mind kept telling me that I liked/wanted it when I definitely did not but I for some reason couldn’t convince myself that no matter how hard I tried to. And I realllllllly tried to. I tried to think about something else and tried to move on from it and I couldn’t. So then I got more and more intrusive thoughts and they just flooded in and there was nothing I could do. So then I thought we’ll maybe if I watch a couple videos on YouTube about ocd and see if maybe they will mention it and it will go away. Wrong. They barely mentioned anything about what I was experiencing which led me to believe it was true so then I freaked out more and it went on. Yesterday I even called off work and laid in my bed and cried all day and had panic attacks all day because I was convinced I had turned into a monster. No matter what I did, whether it was praying or distracting myself, it came back stronger. I would try to argue with it and say “I don’t like it. I would never like it it’s wrong and disgusting and I know for a fact it would never even happen” but nope it wasn’t having that. It came back stronger and there was nothing I could do. All day yesterday I felt suicidal (I’m not going to do anything don’t worry) but it felt like the only option because I have told myself that I would rather die than become a p. So no matter what I do, my mind just won’t give me a break. I’ve prayed and prayed for help and I got nothing so at this point I’m desperate for help…sorry this is so long but I had to get it out

@Just Breathe ❤️ Its ok, the problem is trying to convince yourself & trying to come to a clear conclusion. When ocd just wont let you ! Its literally a revolving door & no answer pleases it at all. I’ve told myself too I’d rather die than to hurt a child, I’d rather wear a chastity belt than to sexually abuse anything . OCD sufferers are the nicest people & would rather harm ourselves than others , so when thoughts come , you need to do proper ERP . “maybe I would harm my niece, maybe I wouldn’t” “maybe I do like the thought of harming my niece, maybe I don’t” “maybe I want to harm my niece, maybe I don’t”

@hunty I will try to do erp but it’s so hard because when I say that it’s like it wants to choose maybe and not maybe not and I’m terrified what if it’s true then

@hunty I don’t get why this is happening to me

@Just Breathe ❤️ my mind fixates on the maybe yes part too

@hunty So I’m not alone? I just want to feel ok again. This is all too painful

@Just Breathe ❤️ your symptoms are no surprise, you are not alone.

@hunty Thank you so so much I truly appreciate it

@hunty I’m so very sorry that keep going to this but it still feels so real. I want to give up. I’m scared what if it’s true and I do want it 😭💔 this can’t be happening to me